toot, reports about Donald's poop chute, Taylor's work falls into disrepute, TikTok gets the boot, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

April 19

Got flagged by airport security because my son had a Magic 8 Ball in his backpack. Two TSA agents debated whether it was ok. My husband said, "If only we had a simple way to answer a yes or no question…" Crickets.
— J. Courtney Sullivan (@jcourtsull) April 20, 2024

You kids don't even know. Back in the 90's if a show was bad or you didn't like it, you just never watched it again. You didn't watch the whole thing and tweet about it like you've been handcuffed to the couch without a remote.
— erin whitehead (@girlwithatail) April 19, 2024

Bob Dylan should perform at The Sphere but make no allowance for the fact that he's not playing a standard gig in, like, Bloomington, Indiana: same setlist as any other night, barely talks to the audience, doesn't use the visuals
— 𝗗𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗦𝗢𝗨𝗡𝗗 💀 (@DeadsoundApp) April 20, 2024

Trump is so mentally gone that he's snoring and sharting during his criminal trial. https://t.co/lFNJwXGMw2
— Tom Joseph (@TomJChicago) April 20, 2024

Meiselas: What I'm hearing from credible sources is that Donald Trump is actually farting in the courtroom… I'm hearing it from actual credible people that as he's kind of falling asleep, he's actually passing gas and that his lawyers are really struggling with the smell. pic.twitter.com/wa6F3iRDgX
— Acyn (@Acyn) April 19, 2024

That Smell

The Donald's never been shy about tooting his own horn. Will his silent but deadly defense soon make him a free bird?

by Maureen Dowd
— New York Times Pitchbot (@DougJBalloon) April 20, 2024

How do you go from Don Snorleone to the godfarter in less than a week pic.twitter.com/p8JiBKsm4u
— I Shot Up With Lysol (@BlackKnight10k) April 19, 2024

using your cat to put underground cable pic.twitter.com/6y6AAnLjO4
— Why you should have a cat (@ShouldHaveCat) April 19, 2024

She wants to know what the purpose of those yellow poles are...

YOU. YOU ARE THE PURPOSE. YOU CANT DRIVE FOR SHIT, IDIOT. https://t.co/mjek2mxnNa
— Kristi Yamaguccimane (@TheWapplehouse) April 19, 2024

At this point, there's no real correlation between how difficult a job is, how much education it requires, and how much it pays. Everything we were told about salary and merit has been disrupted and it's only going to keep getting weirder from here until universal basic income.
— holly (@girlziplocked) April 19, 2024

Dot has Drake using AI Death Row and Cole yanking music off streaming platforms. I think it's clear who our King is.
— Karlie Hustle (@THEkarliehustle) April 20, 2024

The contrast between Drake and Kendrick as artists and people has never been clearer.
— Chery Seinfeld (@carlchery) April 20, 2024

https://t.co/fz6dhT9MSc pic.twitter.com/nXKgGjkKv3
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) April 19, 2024

That's crazy https://t.co/VKBa9byKh3 pic.twitter.com/LytGqI1ou2
— Fuck You I Quit (@fuckyouiquit) April 19, 2024

👇 pic.twitter.com/pp3to6Me2p
— Michael Schneider (@schneider) April 20, 2024

Anytime someone says the word "polycule" this is what I imaginepic.twitter.com/J3PsPfutwB
— Julia Claire (@ohJuliatweets) April 19, 2024

Not now, bird chlamydia. https://t.co/OrO3MKAOb2
— T. Ryan Gregory (@TRyanGregory) April 20, 2024

1830s is such a funny decade to reference. like what non-racist thing are you desperate to have experienced? the financial crisis? the cholera outbreak??? https://t.co/bMIo2vWJhv
— #3 sisterwife but #1 in his heart (@prettycritical) April 19, 2024

like no offense but to be a taylor swift fan it seems like you have to be completely unaware of any music that came before to see her as a genius
— ashley ray🍦ice cream money out 3/1 (@theashleyray) April 19, 2024

Everyone who likes The Tortured Poets Department got their English papers handed back to them face down
— Meech CEO of PinePals (@MediumSizeMeech) April 19, 2024

"I was sent down from D.C. to see about these poets, and see who's torturing 'em." pic.twitter.com/uL4GQr7UxQ
— Steven Hyden (@Steven_Hyden) April 19, 2024

the so called "greatest generation" survived ONE world war. big deal. i have endured ELEVEN t----r s---t album cycles.
— Dan Ozzi (@danozzi) April 19, 2024

open the schools pic.twitter.com/aVL6Owipow
— kelsey barnes (@kelseyjbarnes) April 19, 2024

i'm just glad all the Taylor Swift people are having fun. i'm the same way when Taco Bell releases a new specialty menu so i get it
— Amber / Berry (@bloodberry_tart) April 19, 2024

Huge day for people that like music that fucking sucks pic.twitter.com/ond6OEqw0K
— Kyle (@godvfwine) April 19, 2024

taylor swift thinks she's emily dickinson. matty healy thinks he's mick jagger. travis kelce thinks he's donkey kong
— lesbian mothman 🇵🇸 (@verysmallriver) April 19, 2024

This is real and the new Taylor album is filled with lines like this. It's the most raw representation of your white woman coworker. "Coworker music" has never been more back. https://t.co/11Pdv5xUCY
— Joshua Minsoo Kim (@misterminsoo) April 19, 2024

April 20

I'm the girl!! https://t.co/oHIEuxZNeW
— rachel coster (@RACH4_theSTARZ) April 20, 2024

Rear Window is such a great film. My neighbour across the street watches it all the time.
— Martin Pilgrim (@MartinPilgrim1) April 20, 2024

Just when you thought it was impossible to like Nikola Jokić any more, he shows up in this Despicable Me 4 Trailer pic.twitter.com/Nk4rx0QuKr
— Katy Winge (@katywinge) April 20, 2024

Going to play basketball or going to steal the moon? pic.twitter.com/AeGmprCMhX
— Denver Nuggets (@nuggets) April 20, 2024

rest in peace 💔🕊️ https://t.co/eRz1KH3JWh
— nick (@lovechazelle) April 20, 2024

If your first thought seeing a flag is picturing gay sex I've got some news https://t.co/a2jBKfxHkx
— Kela 🖤 (@LifeonWheels95) April 20, 2024

Can't pay teachers, can't house the homeless, can't provide healthcare, can't invest in useful infrastructure of any kind, can't can't can't but: https://t.co/vt7wgnCWNz
— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) April 20, 2024

Well girl, why did you put them there in the first place??? https://t.co/GGKu5sCdy2
— Red da Redz (@shes_rADIAnt) April 20, 2024

Happy 4/20 to these toasted queens 😶‍🌫️ pic.twitter.com/crHlFAxjCg
— Jhene Says Quoi (@MrDoubleUSee) April 20, 2024

kendrick: "there is no big 3, just me"

j cole: "i'm a coward"

drake: "i was on epstein's island"
— j4k3 (@lordsteele) April 20, 2024

kanye and drake always gonna hate each other because they want to BE each other. drake wants to be seen as an innovative pioneering artist and kanye wants to be white.
— niles (@NILES100) April 20, 2024

My yearly reminder.... pic.twitter.com/Gyt1g2wtQF
— Tee 'Openly Black' Gray🐳 (@niknup21) April 20, 2024

Why is this photoshopped he has been a Laker three times lmao https://t.co/4MzmtN6WJD
— Insane Asylum Sources (@hmfaigen) April 21, 2024

When you get older and your friends are balding, you grow it out to show that you still can. A power move. https://t.co/jZ4LyUGoHB
— Moth (@TheAbyssOfWhoa) April 21, 2024

Forklift too big https://t.co/bhDwxU1C7A
— Blight Yoakam (@Vomit_Dragon) April 20, 2024

Nothing radicalizes a generation of debt burdened young people like sending 26 billion dollars to fund a genocidal terror state.
— Tanisha Long (@Tanishaevonne) April 20, 2024

France right before a riot: https://t.co/stJTlYv8qJ
— Bianca Bardot (@PinkYetiCup) April 21, 2024

I can't believe they threw me out for jumping around. pic.twitter.com/FDUPmTUOiy
— Douglas Cheape (@CheapeDouglas) April 20, 2024

onstage at the record store day festival i said "who is excited about record store day" and no one made a sound
— Cloud Nothings (@cloudnothings) April 21, 2024

He ate Taylor Swift and her fans up. pic.twitter.com/MqYxpY32Zp
— Avid ( Fan Account ) ᵇʸ ʲᵏ (@avid_original) April 20, 2024

lol swifties trying to add a community note a record review pic.twitter.com/USlHYJg0ch
— Michael Rancic (Andrew Weatherall Mix) (@therewasnosound) April 20, 2024

I actually think it's cool that indie musicians can't get vinyl pressed in a reasonable timeframe because one billionaire wants to produce ten thousand variants of her ten thousandth victim pop album
— Megan Beth Koester (@bornferal) April 20, 2024

does taylor not know that the wright brothers were born about 40 years later https://t.co/qfbpaXxC7E
— Naymergency & I 🐊 (@nayrunayru) April 20, 2024

I made my son a zip line cookie cake for his 26th birthday @ITYSL_memes pic.twitter.com/PWkq50ZgXm
— 🎧&🌺 (@rhythm_n_blooms) April 20, 2024

how to break it to this dude that he is dating the patti harrison character in a tim robinson sketch pic.twitter.com/6Lp8X0UpMA
— mia hughes (@AAAAAAAGGGHHHHH) April 20, 2024

https://t.co/llHKxrSEKF pic.twitter.com/NyoxvgWWWZ
— I Think You Should Affirm 👕🧍 (@youshouldaffirm) April 21, 2024

Every farm activity sounds like an indie band from 2008 pic.twitter.com/tZhG8Tkcdx
— David O'Doherty (@phlaimeaux) April 21, 2024

Dudes --and I cannot stress this enough-- Rock pic.twitter.com/qTicLXGUAr
— tayne4d3d3.bsky.social (@Tayne911) April 21, 2024

April 21

Happy birthday to the great Robert Smith, who among his many accomplishments did the only good red carpet interview ever. pic.twitter.com/oAPEpNQrf7
— Steven Hyden (@Steven_Hyden) April 21, 2024

It's 8 years today since Prince died.
So a reminder again of this, because sometimes sadness can still bring laughter. pic.twitter.com/50wJlPfIsG
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) April 21, 2024

criminal this isn't on spotify pic.twitter.com/KPH7eYUjWS https://t.co/GAnnnGabYn
— lissy (@babeygirlmac) April 21, 2024

Bob Dylan https://t.co/0i5pPdfiB9
— Jane Altoids (@staticbluebat) April 22, 2024

what the FUCK is this frame DUDE https://t.co/fEfH8UQnJU
— neon (@zoinkgd) April 21, 2024

also people weren't kidding when they compared the amount of movie logos in late night with the devil with this clip it's literally just like this pic.twitter.com/cqsh8gDnav
— 🔪 audra/quinn❓ (@carouselshotgun) April 21, 2024

watched North by Northwest for the first time. instant 5 bagger 🍿 🍿 🍿 🍿 🍿 for the bad guys trying to kill Cary Grant by pouring a bottle of bourbon down his throat and putting him behind the wheel of a car, not knowing he's a Madison Ave ad man and drunk driving is his job
— respectful huff (@alexqarbuckle) April 21, 2024

Did a crab write this https://t.co/vR0KAfnDaM
— kourtney (@kourtneyinhell) April 21, 2024

Rip to that funny tweet I was reading right before Twitter randomly refreshed for no reason.
— AC Tatum (@actatumonline) April 21, 2024

Cate Blanchett vs leaf blowers is the only celebrity feud I care about pic.twitter.com/O3ChMWLNLO
— Bob (@tweetsbybob_) April 21, 2024

i think beyonce might get her fashion inspiration from betty white: thread pic.twitter.com/tOEDOlJzg6
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) April 21, 2024

this is what a champion looks like pic.twitter.com/UAfzIX4Nzz
— Jared Weiss (@JaredWeissNBA) April 21, 2024

Perkins surviving that round of ESPN layoffs last year made me sick ngl https://t.co/6Xjk2LHT1g
— ⏳ (@kingDiaws) April 21, 2024

Make this an alternate broadcast option. https://t.co/iWV5UAgp6s
— Andy Bailey (@AndrewDBailey) April 21, 2024

https://t.co/ZENX0btcl2 pic.twitter.com/iCQ1i31jCK
— Mo Mooncey (@TheHoopGenius) April 21, 2024

Jokic led the entire playoffs in points, rebounds and assists for the first time in NBA history last year. https://t.co/SoAxhxaqiV
— z - Molly Smith (@MollySm62661288) April 22, 2024

this is my favorite video of all time pic.twitter.com/ZpougvyfC3
— troy (@B0Y_TR0Y) April 21, 2024

I'm sorely tempted to buy a Freudian slip (to go with my Freudian slippers) pic.twitter.com/B1UGiTAfR5
— Dr Helen Ingram (@drhingram) April 21, 2024

release the Catholic cut https://t.co/RYu8eRa7Gl
— JP (@jpbrammer) April 21, 2024

At lunch wit a white girl n she keep saying "yum dot com" after every bite
— MALIK EL.⁉️ (@maliktheoracle) April 21, 2024

"you HAVE to meet my friend stephanie she's SO cool"

stephanie- pic.twitter.com/bPUYDPzKD7
— big content guy (@bigcontentguy) April 21, 2024

have you heard of a record called pinkerton pic.twitter.com/NXVtBlYHDF
— wrestle with jimmy cocoa puff (@grace_roso) April 21, 2024

Swifties pretending to like Taylor Swift's new album pic.twitter.com/XNLy2wVNxP
— Avid ( Fan Account ) ᵇʸ ʲᵏ (@avid_original) April 21, 2024

best music criticism 2024 pic.twitter.com/QV0grimCOD
— Hannah Jocelyn 🫡 (@hannahjocelync) April 21, 2024

taylor no pic.twitter.com/EGLE1HbWk4
— my heart's the bitter buffalo (@inthefade) April 21, 2024

Not her telling him to "do your research" and then getting mad when he did it pic.twitter.com/IomZGD2O71
— chris evans (@notcapnamerica) April 22, 2024

"Have you seen how they treat women & gays in the Middle East?!"

Have you seen how they treat them in Florida & Texas?? What in the upside down are y'all talking about
— FREE PALESTINE, NO MASTERS (@BreeNewsome) April 21, 2024

Defence lawyer Nader Hasan with helpful tips to police after Umar Zameer's acquittal on murder charges:

"Number one, don't lie when you're testifying in court under oath. Don't commit perjury. And don't put up witnesses who will commit perjury."#cdnpoli #Toronto pic.twitter.com/a7qTNox7oN
— Caryma Sa'd - Lawyer + Political Satirist (@CarymaRules) April 21, 2024

Sometimes the chyrons are just perfect. pic.twitter.com/IXYpBWfySb
— Jon Cooper (@joncoopertweets) April 22, 2024

pic.twitter.com/wdS40XtDCz
— Jezebel 🔻𓅃 Peliqueen.bsky.social (@linbregar) April 21, 2024

April 22

A girl recently told me "guys love to show you a video" and now she will never get a video out of me. She messed up. I have so many videos
— MALIK EL.⁉️ (@maliktheoracle) April 22, 2024

I haven't seen anyone else talking about him, so I'm going to. Conan O'Brien introduced us to a very powerful character in Conan Must Go. Ladies. Gentlemen. Themperors. May I present to you: Argentinian Larry David. pic.twitter.com/3KydRW8Gfn
— Rolo Tony (@PoorOldRoloTony) April 23, 2024

Everyone ragging on Seinfeld's quote about movies but he is kind of right. We used to get films like Prognosis Negative and Rochelle Rochelle!! Hell I'd settle for a Sack Lunch these days!
— CarterNixon (@CarterNixon) April 23, 2024

This would have been a perfect Seinfeld clip with George Costanza being the fan that got the Yankees manager ejected https://t.co/s8cZIgfZHi
— Justin Wills (@itsjwills) April 22, 2024

I found it. The perfect baseball joke. https://t.co/e7cW4BqHql
— Laura Albanese (@AlbaneseLaura) April 22, 2024

Did they take the picture the exact second they told him? https://t.co/huWIS3duEl
— Barstool Are Dee Tee (@editti22) April 22, 2024

A burning desire to fake my own death and start over as a mysterious but respected bartender in a coastal New England town https://t.co/MulDF4pUqx
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) April 23, 2024

They should have killed him on every episode of Mad Men. No continuity, he just dies horrifically and is back at his desk in the next episode. pic.twitter.com/JOlCGj2GWz
— Ben Crew (@BenjaminCrew1) April 22, 2024

Further proof that Coachella is for depressed people without a job https://t.co/Lvgql50vfJ
— Jared Wade (@Jared_Wade) April 22, 2024

He's actually hiding a hot dog that he's trying to eat https://t.co/zs7xsxRi47
— Your Hardcore Dad (@dansworsetweets) April 23, 2024

Probably trying to figure out who that is.😭 https://t.co/Xgi14GIYfA
— Bobby 50 Burger (@RudeBoyNYK) April 23, 2024

https://t.co/wBtiv3lHHC pic.twitter.com/MHi9n1OGER
— Dénis B. Huppert (french era 🇫🇷) (@dennisbhooper) April 23, 2024

The NBA is simply unwatchable without Jontay Porter
— Devan Costa (@DevanCosta) April 23, 2024

how to make a pizza pic.twitter.com/wXZExWgTrT
— Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) April 23, 2024

WHAT A BUCKET. THIS IS JAMAL MURRAY EVERYONE. 🏹 pic.twitter.com/xfihf0lXAe
— Denver Nuggets (@nuggets) April 23, 2024

Father stretch my hands pt. 1 Jamal dagger edition pic.twitter.com/ahmSx9juR3
— x - The NBA Chicken 🏆🃏🏹🍿 (@NbaChicken) April 23, 2024

Anthony Davis falling into a whirlpool of Nuggets in the celebration like he's being sucked down to the seventh circle of hell is just incredible imagery.
— DeCo Apparel Co. (@DeCoApparelCo) April 23, 2024

cheaters will tell you they love you and then their actions tell you to look between h and l on your keyboard.
— Kemi Marie (they/them) (@kemimarie) April 22, 2024

If someone wrote a novel about a president on trial for paying off a porn star and the first witness was named "Pecker," you'd hand that back for a rewrite.
— Harlan Coben (@HarlanCoben) April 22, 2024

BREAKING: Musicians from the New York Association of Tuba Players have been taking turns standing in front of Trump Tower every morning and evening so they can play tuba music when Trump walks in and out of the building.
— The Halfway Post (@HalfwayPost) April 22, 2024

April 23

Ontario is so cool cause if you can't afford to live in Toronto you can move to a smaller city nearby with no arts or music culture and no good food or job opportunities and easily save $20 a month on rent
— cam (@largemotorcycle) April 24, 2024

3pm? sorry that's my time to be the most tired I've ever been in my life everyday
— official game glenna (@glenna_opt) April 23, 2024

Me: "I'd like to copy and paste from this pdf please"

Adobe Acrobat: "no worries, I took the liberty of stacking each word on top of each other in a vertical column, adding mysterious symbols, and removing every instance of the letter 't'"
— Neil Renic (@NC_Renic) April 23, 2024

How old does someone have to be before you can officially call them a fucking asshole? Please say 6
— Tony P. (@Tbone7219) April 24, 2024

I could give you 1,000 tries to guess how Kirstie Alley's parents were dressed when they died in a car accident and you wouldn't get it right pic.twitter.com/DI6f1LDxU6
— Kristi Yamaguccimane (@TheWapplehouse) April 23, 2024

Hi I'm in this picture and you posted without my consent can you please take it down https://t.co/Pxz5IqU8IB
— Dan (@dannah__montana) April 24, 2024

Imagine marrying Russell Brand not being the most embarrassing thing you've ever done https://t.co/Cedi7EFmIF
— remand chic (@our_jesse) April 23, 2024

Plastic bag behavior https://t.co/Cbzlr5LMz6
— Vinny Thomas (@vinn_ayy) April 23, 2024

Sorry, I think you meant to say you need a side hustle or second job to pay for grapes at Loblaws https://t.co/EsiTjmuceD
— Clare Blackwood (@clareblackwood) April 23, 2024

The reason I remain on this hellsite. pic.twitter.com/dx4hFAiGst
— Snow (@Lookinupatstars) April 23, 2024

Sometimes someone writes something quite sad or moving on this website, attempting human connection, a reprieve from the loneliness of their life, reaching out to anyone who will hear them and underneath will be a single message back... nudes in profile.
— Jemaine Clement (@AJemaineClement) April 24, 2024

One time in college a guy in my dorm stopped me and was like, You look like you play baseball. And I replied, I did, yes. And he was like, want to go throw, I need to throw. And we went out to throw for an hour and that was the only time I ever hung out with that guy. https://t.co/4r2VK4y3gQ
— alexSSN (@alexSSN) April 23, 2024

confused as to why this man isn't on every morning news segment going pic.twitter.com/k7JjWcUXDu
— Josh Barrie (@joshbythesea) April 23, 2024

common phrases to use with other music fans:

• scrobble anything good lately?
• hey man what's scrobblin'?
• want to compare scrobbles?
• scrob of the mornin' to ya
— jos (@josiahhughes) April 23, 2024

This about J Lo or Lebron? https://t.co/hydvAOwhtI
— OJ Hemmingway (@Freeze_Frame_7) April 24, 2024

A Canadian kid ruining LeBron's twilight years is a sweet sweet revenge
— A:A (@Swarlayzers) April 23, 2024

The Los Angeles Lakers blowing a 20-point lead to the Denver Nuggets, missing a wide open game winner, getting a dagger shoved in their hearts and then blaming the game on the refs is one of the best events that has occurred in world history.
— RK (@RyanKoenigsberg) April 23, 2024

I swear this guy should be coaching the Lakers instead of Darvin Ham 😭😭 pic.twitter.com/bWWmOY2p1j
— 𝐉𝐚𝐤𝐞 (@SixthManJake) April 23, 2024

About time....

🚨"The RCMP have opened up an investigation into the Pascal Siakam trade; citing credible claims of straight fuckery."🚨 pic.twitter.com/eQqKDvL1PK
— Freddie Rivas 🇨🇦🇳🇮 (@FreddieRivas) April 24, 2024

ok enough coach or player interviews between quarters... it's all the same boring safe basketball answers. let's start mixing it up and hear from fans. I need to know what Ronald in section 304 has to say about his team.
— sean yoo (@SeanYoo) April 24, 2024

Imagine looking into the crowd and he's looking at you like this pic.twitter.com/uDFLaHSn2D
— David Ruff (@dcarterruff) April 24, 2024

mom: please, please just go play with the other children

christopher robin: *googling how to order zoloft* I can't the stuffed donkey I'm friends with is clinically depressed
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) April 23, 2024

So Boeing just totally killed that guy and got away with it huh
— Lolo (@LolOverruled) April 23, 2024

He should call it "I'ma Let You Finish" https://t.co/zt686x90Bv
— Matt Braunger (@Braunger) April 23, 2024

One of the great ironies of this country is we've forced students to learn how to barricade themselves against active shewterz for decades and now they're using that against the very people who failed to protect them and prefer to defend empire instead. https://t.co/iYWM4UOXzx
— 😷💉🇱🇧 (he/him/his) (@MiddIeSeaHist) April 23, 2024

it's so fucking funny to report on the presidents 54 year old son like he is a freshman at Princeton https://t.co/69a6Vx7lsr
— r (@reaghhan) April 24, 2024

how can a person this sauceless be one of the biggest stars in the world? i just can't comprehend it https://t.co/OJBzwoNIAI
— Jozu 🇵🇦 (@JozuJoestar) April 24, 2024

April 24

This interview has unleashed years of homeschool brain that she's usually very good at hiding https://t.co/yOWCm0UKnF
— campbell g (@rodeoman) April 24, 2024

oh cool i thought it was because I start the night off with a few old fashioneds before pivoting to beer-shot combos and winding down with a vermouth https://t.co/3cmXOlGaud
— manny (@mannyfidel) April 24, 2024

Tesla's freefall may be the result of a shoddy product sold by an unhinged, drug-addicted CEO who spends his days retweeting white supremacists. But it could also be DEI.
— New York Times Pitchbot (@DougJBalloon) April 24, 2024

Not only is Randy "The Big Unit" Johnson one of the most dominant pitchers in the history of baseball - but also his name was basically Horny "The Big Penis" Penis.
— ian karmel (@IanKarmel) April 24, 2024

maybe if the tickets weren't $700,000 fucking dollars we could get some passionate fans in there https://t.co/IVRTRb77xa
— wholesome nba fan (@idcstfumaynee) April 25, 2024

Them European mfs when they get pissed just start combining swear words together https://t.co/Y6RCjlavZ7
— ★ Nike ★ (@KKKLIPZ) April 24, 2024

Klan rally start at 10 they tryna beat traffic https://t.co/xVJkbdPR61
— risktakerr 🃏 (@1stillchasin) April 25, 2024

u ever tar and feather a guy and realize ur out of feathers so u just give it to him straight and say listen buddy. gonna be mostly tar today
— carter hambley (@carterhambley) April 24, 2024

perfect website pic.twitter.com/qTFjg8Rp1y
— vibe instructor✌🏾🐝 (@Vanessa_ABee) April 25, 2024

🚨"This would be disqualifying in any other election period if we had competent media." Via @CreekPete2 pic.twitter.com/KDlgdfnDyc
— Dean Blundell🇨🇦 (@ItsDeanBlundell) April 24, 2024

the "stand-up comedians over 35 who don't wanna keep posting clips" lobby is far more powerful than you could have ever imagined https://t.co/sjRTpIpH4L
— ian karmel (@IanKarmel) April 24, 2024

April 25

You're not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.
— Granite Man 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 (@GraniteDhuine) April 25, 2024

The Beastie Boys' 'So What'cha Want'

-by The Muppets pic.twitter.com/xo4Fic0Gv9
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) April 25, 2024

*snorts line in a pitch meeting* it's a movie about a bunch of girls who all share the same pair of pants. one of them is curvy but that is not a problem for the pants
— Charlie James (@nonbinarycowboy) April 25, 2024

love to listen to Supreme Court oral arguments about fun hypotheticals like "if you have a womb is it possible you aren't a person" and "should we have a king"
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) April 25, 2024

In the United States you can be acquitted of rape charges cause you raped so many women that too many women showed up to court to call you a rapist https://t.co/QCle3HTGk2
— Pyramid Chad (@pyrameadhead) April 25, 2024

Yesterday, the billionaire Weston family sold me a rotten piece of salmon. Shocking behaviour. However, I returned the putrefied fish and forced the billionaire Weston family to issue a refund. So it's Michael Balazo 1, Weston Family 0.
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) April 25, 2024

happy April 25 to all who celebrate pic.twitter.com/S1EURxcI1X
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 25, 2024

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: April 26, 2024

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