Painting over a moth, Rachel Dolezal once again caught, a strange fury Jon Stewart wrought, the old banger tweets you got, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

February 9

why do women who can ACTUALLY sing come to karaoke?!!! GO HOME GLADYS KNIGHT! pic.twitter.com/ehu06PBbIz
— 𝕠𝕝’𝕦𝕘𝕝𝕒𝕤𝕤 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕟™🦦 (@docsloosechange) February 10, 2024

I can’t get over her getting the tune wrong somehow https://t.co/6gCK9VmlmY
— ettingermentum🥥🌴 (@ettingermentum) February 10, 2024

pic.twitter.com/RYrm59mor6
— evan (@esjesjesj) February 10, 2024

Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize that you and your friends need to walk three abreast on the sidewalk. No, no, that’s fine, please don’t move, I’ll just walk into the road to avoid crashing into you.
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) February 10, 2024

my mother is meeting with her zoom writing group (six 70-ish year olds), and in today’s crit they’re workshopping a story about a cruel woman who loses everything after wronging a colleague, and the writer named the character after another one of the women in the writing group
— allison (@mka_ultra) February 9, 2024

SOMEONE STOP ME IM OUT OF CONTROL pic.twitter.com/LFo7cGL9IG
— Ephraim Stone (@TEStoneWrites) February 10, 2024

My doctor: “You have a UTI. Do you often hold your pee?”

Me: “Yeah, I use going to the bathroom as a reward for accomplishing tasks.”

Doctor: “You do what now”
— Melissa Stewart (@LissaJoStewart) February 9, 2024

this is an insanely funny thing to do https://t.co/eTlMK3wTo8
— biracial waluigi (@korea_suicide) February 9, 2024

https://t.co/9NnS6WwqoH pic.twitter.com/x1W2xqDJbS
— ʚ 𝐤𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐠𝐞 ɞ (@eightlyns) February 10, 2024

I'm not one to defend Tina Fey, but I think her early-aughts deep-satire brand of humor is getting a little lost here! She's not *really* saying "stay silent, authenticity is expensive," she's critiquing the way the industry punishes real speech and rewards silence. Quiet luxury! https://t.co/8NmNEN8Bv4
— El Norte Recuerda (@Vanessid) February 10, 2024

3th. https://t.co/DEdCZDi1Ws
— Parker (@ParkerKitHill) February 10, 2024

having gay roommates is so unserious because i just texted mine that we have a LEAK and he asked if it was training season by dua lipa… NO BITCH THE WALLS ARE DETERIORATING pic.twitter.com/hf9PoqLnVr
— jimmy (@jimmyoutsold) February 9, 2024

wtf is wrong with Duolingo lmao pic.twitter.com/TiPwoDjhST
— 🕯️☕️ (@SharletWitch) February 10, 2024

The New York Times? Oh you mean where I play my games?
— Grant Ginder (@GrantGinder) February 9, 2024

are y'all getting a kick pic.twitter.com/hyvpXOQHV3
— matt (@computer_gay) February 9, 2024

funniest possible magazine that a guy who played darth vader could be photographed by https://t.co/AGcajp4Mrp
— jay (@kendallhosseini) February 9, 2024

do you guys think travis kelce is allergic to pineapple and in an attempt to end his reign the other team laced the sprinkler system with pineapple juice they intend to turn on during the game, sending him into anaphylactic shock, killing him, and winning them the super bowl?
— mak mulder (@bellabaxxter) February 10, 2024

https://t.co/ukYGIAb2Ze pic.twitter.com/Q5z9bh2bBc
— jay (@kendallhosseini) February 9, 2024

February 10

pic.twitter.com/z4LkfEq4kz
— Stone Cold Jane Austen (@AbbyHiggs) February 11, 2024

Back tattoo pic.twitter.com/REj9ccd4S3
— Cashlin (@CashlinRap) February 11, 2024

crying pic.twitter.com/JmEk0cWTKv
— Adam Morgan (@adamm0rgan) February 10, 2024

telling the song to “shut up” right before you skip it >>
— jay ✰ (@jayythewave) February 11, 2024

This is one of those videos I always come back to that illustrates how some of the funniest people in the world or best voices you’ve ever heard are constantly all around you just goofin off with the crew, completely fine chilling in obscurity. https://t.co/KScfxoISZO
— Kristi Yamaguccimane (@TheWapplehouse) February 10, 2024

pic.twitter.com/vHLuxXSKI0
— beetle moses (@beetlemoses) February 10, 2024

God, grant me the serenity to accept that some people say “let’s grab coffee sometime” but don’t mean it, the courage to follow up just in case they do mean it, and the wisdom to know the difference.
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) February 10, 2024

cuz 99% of these people don’t actually care about the environment or activism. hope this helps https://t.co/KMxAHp08go
— paris rae (@parisrae13) February 10, 2024

don’t ask me why, but this has always been a favorite 😭 https://t.co/ELfGcMYsIv pic.twitter.com/B4Vh85GFwy
— brooks (@prodbybrooks) February 11, 2024

i think about this tweet every single day https://t.co/450jQ1ANAI pic.twitter.com/pkpA3FHbRW
— kate bush's husband (@airbagged) February 10, 2024

https://t.co/p4oMATqdSt pic.twitter.com/EMtfkxJ9h1
— pavlo (@LaughterHaver) February 11, 2024

Ive thought about this everyday since I first saw it https://t.co/UROlIAwx4A pic.twitter.com/cjEaDu21sr
— Danny Guts (@YoDannyGuts) February 11, 2024

https://t.co/p0gzKsFX95 pic.twitter.com/1ohIprMB8D
— Anthony Davies (@AceDavies23) February 10, 2024

when i think of my favorite tweet ever, i always remember this one without fail. i want this on my tombstone. https://t.co/OVc86rbPkq pic.twitter.com/5el4LhV2Su
— very normal Tal 🧧🐾 (@schmaliesin) February 11, 2024

https://t.co/bMl4ZOgsG6 pic.twitter.com/2OlRbQvFIB
— hooked on chronics (@Blaze_Weedman) February 11, 2024

still undefeated imo https://t.co/YXOI5WTPIF pic.twitter.com/ELwveHdUzv
— don quikong (@BlurkePlimpton) February 10, 2024

lmao he posted this because some islamists reported him to the malaysian communications ministry for zionist tweets https://t.co/2naG1wxJ14
— -𝘽𝙄𝙉𝙉𝙀𝙉𝙈𝙀𝙀𝙍-🪸 (@valine_addict) February 10, 2024

if she doesn't shut up businesses are going to start realizing all social media analytics are fake https://t.co/3YkbXKevUH
— lauren (@Very__Regular) February 10, 2024

The Superbowl would be a lot better if it didn't start in the middle of the night at 6:30PM.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) February 11, 2024

February 11

Taylor watching this realizing her kids are gonna have an IQ of 40 https://t.co/5m2HhZ94Vk
— brady (@bradiscus) February 12, 2024

“I love the song about your farts” pic.twitter.com/3zaZqz5M4m
— Ashtyn Butuso (@lil_buts) February 11, 2024

imagine chilling and your brother/son's girlfriend is like "here is my buddy paul mccartney" https://t.co/nEEmjkUpEm
— Cecilia. (@cecealways_) February 12, 2024

Taylor Swift makes her way down from the VIP box to the field pic.twitter.com/EMPKovE3Cr
— Smooth Dunk (@SmoothDunk) February 12, 2024

Im at this ghetto ass Superbowl party and they still tryna find a stream & somebody screamed I FOUND ONE and it was a stream of somebody playin Madden
— tia (@dontfacetimeme) February 11, 2024

2023 Super Bowl: 2024 Super Bowl:
Rihanna is pregnant We’re all pregnant pic.twitter.com/gYlbFBakSt
— Brian Cohen (@CohenBrian_) February 12, 2024

Usher took his shirt off and I was trying to see why this guy next to me started yelling so loud. I looked at him crazy he said “bro I bet 10k he would do this”
— Charles James II (@CJDeuce_) February 12, 2024

beyoncé basically proposed at usher’s wedding
— denver sean. (@dnvrsn) February 12, 2024

me going from couch nap to my actual bed pic.twitter.com/GAK5BDQYCJ
— whitney medworth (@its_whitney) February 11, 2024

The millennial coded halftime shows will continue until Outkast reunites
— zeddy (@Zeddary) February 12, 2024

These people are literally one hundred million times richer than I’ll ever be but at least I’m not wearing a “NFL” jacket or a fucking Bitcoin sweatshirt in the Nirvana font https://t.co/vxr6hNVmZq
— 🇵🇸 timothy 🍉 faust (@crulge) February 12, 2024

The Nickelodeon Super Bowl rocks lmao. 49ers dropped a pass and a banner popped up on the screen that said FIRMLY GRASP IT❗️
— rudy betrayed (@rudy_betrayed) February 12, 2024

Has anyone done this yet? pic.twitter.com/hrazHyhJ7S
— Alex Achorn (@alexachorn) February 12, 2024

Larry David was right about you. Spineless coward https://t.co/TR7fkFadvv
— Lolo (@LolOverruled) February 12, 2024

$650 MILLION SPENT ON VANITY SUPER BOWL COMMERCIALS THIS YEAR BY LOTS OF COMPANIES WHO SAY THEY DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY THEIR WORKERS A LIVING WAGE. pic.twitter.com/SWvimvMPo7
— Melanie D'Arrigo (@DarrigoMelanie) February 12, 2024

The fact that his folks mean this as a SuperBowl reference, but it’s landing as a Rafah reference tells you just how hopeless so much of this is. https://t.co/AnOK79a62I
— Raquel Willis (she/her) (@RaquelWillis_) February 12, 2024

not the holy trinity pic.twitter.com/B9hpSY6K4Z
— tabitha (@cinedruig) February 12, 2024

i want the parental advisory sticker on my album but i didn’t swear :/
— ❁ dorothea paas ❁ (@ddoorroo) February 11, 2024

all time favorite https://t.co/M9QfuSbuGG pic.twitter.com/cckba5feIO
— Fredrik’s personal (@TheEditorDiary) February 11, 2024

It doesn’t get better https://t.co/cNPaxNAyCA pic.twitter.com/NUsiLvwmyp
— harry (@HarrysBadTweets) February 11, 2024

The greatest tweet of all time, hands down. https://t.co/2uDNgA0QoU pic.twitter.com/7mAYh1OB3P
— Matt, Dad Hat Enthusiast (@TheChowderhead) February 11, 2024

Easy. I sing it to myself often https://t.co/zUcP0dfUZv pic.twitter.com/8ICN3vqFPI
— Zach Shelton (@iamzachstweets) February 11, 2024

https://t.co/xLNh3B7cVA pic.twitter.com/rQbSk2v42p
— Ol’ Illiterate Whale Shark (@Vhalechark) February 11, 2024

Still gotta be this https://t.co/oInKvwJRrq pic.twitter.com/kkkDKRGcUw
— ryan (@RyanPlugs) February 11, 2024

i still sing this to myself sometimes https://t.co/MmaNL7mjGY pic.twitter.com/nTGIPyRpFB
— zingthot (@aBByTweetsBB) February 11, 2024

I think of this one all the time https://t.co/WvemM5EG9E pic.twitter.com/eY2FaMi1fU
— Yakuza Guy @ Infinite Wealth time! (@TheYakuzaGuy) February 11, 2024

https://t.co/QguRN3PHva pic.twitter.com/MRoH5K7YOZ
— Slavoj Dryjačk (@Uncle_Ramrod) February 11, 2024

https://t.co/dFb0BeCjmz pic.twitter.com/kxPeOHocOe
— calypso 🫖 (@gogocalypso) February 11, 2024

https://t.co/4bdsWQJi77 pic.twitter.com/3wzSWNLUCS
— dromie (@Dromie__) February 11, 2024

always love an excuse to bring this one back https://t.co/Y7jNG0lRuU pic.twitter.com/vXx5L0Hx9P
— beer person (@CantEverDie) February 11, 2024

https://t.co/8rvtkR8p4G pic.twitter.com/o99HF88VhE
— Scott McMillan, Cheese Golem (@guy_lusignan) February 11, 2024

this one fucking kills me https://t.co/yTk4Omw8CU pic.twitter.com/gdev2jStLl
— wien (@somuchforwien) February 11, 2024

https://t.co/AYDaAkruKU pic.twitter.com/07Jn6HefQW
— Joey (@joey2327) February 12, 2024

February 12

https://t.co/ETjB1xxqik pic.twitter.com/xWhw6GyKD8
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) February 13, 2024

DR. FRANKENSTEIN: I'm just saying, it's a very misleading flyer

BODY BUILDING COMPETITION JUDGE: again, we can only apologise
— Steven (with a ph) (@SJKSalisbury) February 12, 2024

How is he a real person? pic.twitter.com/n1ruvzxc2z
— John Frankensteiner (@JFrankensteiner) February 13, 2024

https://t.co/yPrZ5QpHYP pic.twitter.com/S1uLnQwWL3
— ava 🇵🇸 (@wownicebuttdude) February 13, 2024

Hey babe you wanna scroll on our phones together while an over produced streaming network show plays in the background
— Lolo (@LolOverruled) February 12, 2024

yeah I think you can get them in many colors https://t.co/v0QaAOV87A
— adrian (@yourpalcrawf) February 13, 2024

I will never not cackle at this classic https://t.co/6KyOM99Ylh pic.twitter.com/1OcWlkSjjB
— Millennial Hag (@ZaNandi) February 12, 2024

that will also die. https://t.co/fehxBjnMhG
— Pumpkin (@sweeetbabym) February 13, 2024

we went from "stop eating avocados" to "stop eating" https://t.co/FRqFVgvJz4
— Rob DenBleyker (@RobDenBleyker) February 12, 2024

https://t.co/1xBbninfoH pic.twitter.com/jCldiL21ri
— weighed in the balance and found wanting (@leokitty) February 12, 2024

“You’re just a fan, you don’t know more than the players”

Brother I was 12 jalapeño poppers deep wondering why they wanted the ball lmfao https://t.co/4WNMyipljM
— Chandler (Interim Leader) (@_chandler_____) February 12, 2024

Learning the playoff overtime rules at the same time as Ice Spice is crazy. https://t.co/wLW1jHzIcI
— Carrington Harrison (@cdotharrison) February 12, 2024

15 min Ian miles
mandatory work Cheong
zoom call Public
execution https://t.co/ZWC0Hvrab2 pic.twitter.com/5vfbFiI0EX
— kate bush's husband (@airbagged) February 13, 2024

No, he was correct when he said it was an American operation… https://t.co/a3r4e4W4n8
— @ImaniBarbarin@disabled.social (@Imani_Barbarin) February 13, 2024

I think we may be nearing the end of civilization pic.twitter.com/sYhUZqk0DJ
— New York Times Pitchbot (@DougJBalloon) February 13, 2024

While they're at it, let's see if they can get Amazon to stop listing movies as being on Amazon Prime when you have to pay $3.99 a pop to rent them. That's not Prime. That's just regular online commerce. https://t.co/AHvqnq4Ntp
— Matt Zoller Seitz (@mattzollerseitz) February 13, 2024

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day
— Stone Cold Jane Austen (@AbbyHiggs) February 13, 2024

February 13

https://t.co/DfRiyplhal pic.twitter.com/HANgR7Yuql
— Dénis B. Huppert (french era 🇫🇷) (@dennisbhooper) February 14, 2024

these 3 tweets from yab have lived in my brain since 2018. idk which one is my favorite https://t.co/tOqMItS52j pic.twitter.com/nNyrRWwKFL
— cory (@coolmathgame_) February 13, 2024

Been a while since someone posted this one guess it’s my turn https://t.co/mr52aLy9ch pic.twitter.com/oCoZY4lUhM
— Allison O'Conor (@allisonoconor) February 13, 2024

this white girl i work with just tried to tell me the phrase “spill the tea” came from the boston tea party
— ashley ray🍦ice cream money out 3/1 (@theashleyray) February 13, 2024

can you imagine being some guy with music opinions and 6k people agree they wanna shoot you https://t.co/SuB0lvWvkn
— captain brian (@quebecween) February 13, 2024

you're fasting for lent, I'm furiousing for lent; we are not the same
— JRR Jokien (@joshcarlosjosh) February 13, 2024

What a time to be at the multiplex pic.twitter.com/xEL3egJfvT
— Jordan Woodson (@jordanjwoodson) February 13, 2024

Man, the screenwriting duo for Madame Web have had an absolutely historic run pic.twitter.com/nF2qhobHYf
— Will Mavity (@mavericksmovies) February 13, 2024

I think I did a good job editing this movie considering I was playing Counter Strike on my primary monitor the entire time https://t.co/kURVFcSVQh
— Lead Actor from Pixar’s Sodas (@ByYourLogic) February 13, 2024

Cillian Murphy is so relatable pic.twitter.com/zia8NobS5Q
— Rachel West (@rachel_is_here) February 13, 2024

we should nominate her for another emmy https://t.co/rEeBxIyWMA
— zae (@itszaeok) February 13, 2024

Lmao Jon Stewart successfully humiliated the absolute most annoying types of liberals in his first episode back. A massive success.

pic.twitter.com/HwQfmH8Pqt https://t.co/LUNQprSd4v
— Cosmonaut Star💫🏴🔻 (@Solidarity_Star) February 13, 2024

democrats talk about joe biden the way you talk about a sick old dog before it dies. "he is so sharp & alert" yea okay, my condolences
— COSMIC SLOP (@afrocosmist) February 13, 2024

Jon Stewart 20 yrs ago: "Haha! This Biden creep sure is handsy with kids!"

lib: Omg this dude is hilarious

Jon Stewart today: "Biden is too old to be president."

exact same lib: maybe Hilter was right
— Max (@TALK_L3SS) February 13, 2024

I said this 15 years ago and it’s only gotten worse: 99% of podcasts sound like The Chris Farley Show. https://t.co/OSAQ22BKoP
— Post Marone (@jazwgn) February 14, 2024

ppl have said many mean things about me but this gotta be the worst https://t.co/0wFgpGsPBm
— jg (@jacquesgreene) February 13, 2024

the landlord painting over a moth on my bedroom wall before I move in pic.twitter.com/cmvFehqyL3
— first name lexi (@lexishaye_) February 13, 2024

https://t.co/ajFdaev5EL pic.twitter.com/QXg3OaDcpb
— i n n e s (@innesmck) February 13, 2024

New CDC guidelines just dropped pic.twitter.com/c1ip5i1isS
— Covid Caution JN.1 Variant (@CovidCaution) February 14, 2024

February 14

CDC Considering Dropping Second C pic.twitter.com/0y6RMfZKmS
— The Vertlartnic (@TheVertlartnic) February 14, 2024

valentine's day can be tough for some people, remember to check in on your friends who are fundamentally unloveable
— abram (@abram_facts) February 14, 2024

he is just so much better at this than anyone else. I'd forgotten https://t.co/JnwideBbGD
— Robert Evans (The Only Robert Evans) (@IwriteOK) February 14, 2024

it's hilarious that liberals now need a fainting couch because Jon just said an 81-year-old man is elderly https://t.co/Pq6X22IL4L
— David Sirota (@davidsirota) February 14, 2024

pic.twitter.com/LXzzfzaC0v
— LesleyPrice (@doyoulikewormz) February 14, 2024

if they spent $80 million on Madame Web just so Dakota Johnson could do the press tour, dayenu pic.twitter.com/ohDlURefND
— Sam Adams (@SamuelAAdams) February 15, 2024

Keep Trump and his spawn out of the White House. pic.twitter.com/I7eDtnGczy
— 𓂀 𝕋𝔼𝔸ℍ 𓂀 (@TeahCartel) February 15, 2024

You’re not gonna believe who it is https://t.co/u56UpnxNVV
— Laura Bassett (@LEBassett) February 14, 2024

I have to ask myself, have I ever been as persistent as Rachel Dolezal?
— Laurie Kilmartin (@anylaurie16) February 14, 2024

falling to the ground and screaming "i'm hit!!" while in a shootout with a fucking acorn is hands down one of the most pathetic things a human being has ever done on this earth https://t.co/9hgN1TnKB8
— hotdog water (@saltysauerkraut) February 14, 2024

Been thinking about this video nonstop since I watched it. It’s like the world’s most perfect sitcom plot point but unfortunately that is her real life pic.twitter.com/53kBUp5xI3
— myspace girl numbers station (@sheherzog) February 14, 2024

The pan to the cops twiddling their thumbs as the shooter is being pinned down by civilians like ~200 feet away is very cinematic https://t.co/Z3CqZUWAQk
— Jake (@JakeWallinger) February 14, 2024

February 15

this may be the funniest thing i’ve ever seen in championship level sports 😭😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/zMkDvLEmyP
— Aaron West (@oeste) February 15, 2024

Keep recycling those jam jars, kids https://t.co/qRgniBSoyv
— Jack Lowe (@MrJackLowe) February 15, 2024

What if we all got together and resolved to do our level best to be normal about this one woman for like...6 months. https://t.co/pgpIgxbFc6
— Niko Stratis (@nikostratis) February 15, 2024

perfect location for a chili’s booth https://t.co/3XV8r4dT9E pic.twitter.com/M5O18nvuJM
— stoolie memes (@StoolieMemes) February 15, 2024

Never in a million years did I think this was going to be the topic of the vent pic.twitter.com/9qq1Ioj8RG
— Danielle (@toepacktoe) February 15, 2024

hospitals are sacred and that’s why we are slowly trying to privatize healthcare
— sarah hagi (@KindaHagi) February 15, 2024

my worst take ever tbh my b https://t.co/YdBvlz4HUk
— L.A.S. (@SartoriallyInc) February 15, 2024

Jesse Watters loves marriage so much that he married the 15-years-younger producer on his show with whom he had an affair while married to the wife of his first two children. pic.twitter.com/Gy5nlCIEjC
— Matthew Gertz (@MattGertz) February 15, 2024

Average twitter interaction pic.twitter.com/zMzi88akXD
— bo theldlerwheel (@TheldlerWheel) February 15, 2024

lmao this is embarrassing

Tucker Carlson wowed by shopping cart technology that’s been in U.S. grocery stores for decades https://t.co/i8lvF7mgRE
— Matt Binder (@MattBinder) February 16, 2024

All the people saying "I would never get scammed!!" should know it can happen to anyone... My gf in Slovenia has a PhD and she got scammed out of $20,000 right after I sent her $20,000 for a plane ticket to America so we could finally meet in person
— ''Steve'' (@extranapkins) February 15, 2024

Guy who went to graduate school: I would never fall for a scam.
— Norm Charlatan (@normcharlatan) February 15, 2024

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: February 16, 2024

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