Lohan and Hilton and Spears, T-Pain ignores his peers, Jackie Chan has no fears, ASSHAT appears, and much more from this week in funny tweets.<br>
<br>
<strong>April 23</strong>
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">thoughts and prayers to the last occupant of our airbnb who clearly thought this coaster was a digestive <a href="https://t.co/B7nUgNKHvy">pic.twitter.com/B7nUgNKHvy</a></p>
— Hotel Lux (@hotelluxband) <a href="https://twitter.com/hotelluxband/status/1385716617502408708?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 23, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">i am such a brain damaged woman i swear <a href="https://t.co/FeeQRBeuwW">pic.twitter.com/FeeQRBeuwW</a></p>
— tokyo_vamp 🦈 (@tokyo_vamp) <a href="https://twitter.com/tokyo_vamp/status/1385515450285666304?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 23, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Mf is worried about x and y but won't explain y he stabbed his x <a href="https://t.co/D17uC1yLWj">https://t.co/D17uC1yLWj</a></p>
— Thad Industries (@ThadK02) <a href="https://twitter.com/ThadK02/status/1385731092347596805?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 23, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Burn it down Harold. Burn it all down. <a href="https://t.co/PWJWx8j4I3">pic.twitter.com/PWJWx8j4I3</a></p>
— Mike Moore, DO FAAFP (@MikeMooreDO) <a href="https://twitter.com/MikeMooreDO/status/1385690797123596292?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 23, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Are we doing this right? <a href="https://t.co/VNw3A5NEPx">pic.twitter.com/VNw3A5NEPx</a></p>
— Public Citizen (@Public_Citizen) <a href="https://twitter.com/Public_Citizen/status/1385758570231132163?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 24, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">guys DC just can't become a state. sufjan is already so far behind</p>
— my buddy palentine (@amcnal) <a href="https://twitter.com/amcnal/status/1385715106491817998?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 23, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">it is VERY funny to me that a huge superhero trope for the last 30 years has been like "supervillain is concerned about a real problem, hero opposes them because of their violent methods, does not actually do anything about the original problem"</p>
— jd vance's "holler aunt" (@markpopham) <a href="https://twitter.com/markpopham/status/1385769910995984385?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 24, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
<strong>April 24</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Actors and their stunt double <a href="https://t.co/jdJ7zwjsKy">pic.twitter.com/jdJ7zwjsKy</a></p>
— memory lane (@bitchiwas999) <a href="https://twitter.com/bitchiwas999/status/1385993697309839360?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 24, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Leonard Cohen on Twitter: love is not a victory March, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah<br>
<br>
Stranger in comments: I mean that's not my experience???</p>
— Chauncey Sugarsweets (@CSugarsweets) <a href="https://twitter.com/CSugarsweets/status/1385944493459922944?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 24, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Top 5 Worst Gluten Songs:<br>
<br>
5. Eight Days of Wheat<br>
4. I'm in Love With My Carbs<br>
3. Little Bread Corvette<br>
2. Give Pizza Chance<br>
1. Donut Make My Brown Eyes Blue</p>
— Dave Merritt (@GoldenSeals) <a href="https://twitter.com/GoldenSeals/status/1385952375752601607?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 24, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">We did it everyone! The AL West standings now spell "ASSHAT" <a href="https://t.co/AMEOer2Rxf">pic.twitter.com/AMEOer2Rxf</a></p>
— Prescott Bishop (@wildwestwx) <a href="https://twitter.com/wildwestwx/status/1386101247480979457?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 24, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">fuck <a href="https://t.co/LTASZpuf8v">https://t.co/LTASZpuf8v</a></p>
— mister sophistication (@tveite) <a href="https://twitter.com/tveite/status/1386128496687259648?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 25, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/2rh8RaGd4X">pic.twitter.com/2rh8RaGd4X</a></p>
— Rap Game Ina Garten (@KaraBTweets) <a href="https://twitter.com/KaraBTweets/status/1386176974461210625?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 25, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Today I saw the impossible <a href="https://t.co/GXc8RO1eyQ">pic.twitter.com/GXc8RO1eyQ</a></p>
— The Feel Good Page ❤️ (@FeelGoodPage11) <a href="https://twitter.com/FeelGoodPage11/status/1385873308961280006?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 24, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Animals Taking Seflies. Thread. <a href="https://t.co/3hZp0eZos9">pic.twitter.com/3hZp0eZos9</a></p>
— Joaquim Campa (@JoaquimCampa) <a href="https://twitter.com/JoaquimCampa/status/1386030529250832388?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 24, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
<strong>April 25</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">My Octopus Teacher <a href="https://t.co/GANlypB5MT">pic.twitter.com/GANlypB5MT</a></p>
— Mike Ryan (@mikeryan) <a href="https://twitter.com/mikeryan/status/1386497688363995139?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 26, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Periodic reminder that Trent Reznor is a Tony away from an EGOT. The only solution is PRETTY HATE MACHINE: THE MUSICAL</p>
— kevin white (@kwhitesays) <a href="https://twitter.com/kwhitesays/status/1386509860976607234?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 26, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Today we achieved the dream.<br>
<br>
Made a function called `missyElliott` that takes a data structure, flips it, and reverses it.<br>
<br>
I have ascended.</p>
— Kirk (@KirkCodes) <a href="https://twitter.com/KirkCodes/status/1386482917573107712?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 26, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">man parking was a bitch at my ex gfs funeral <a href="https://t.co/uSnocYq54x">pic.twitter.com/uSnocYq54x</a></p>
— bobert (@sorryboob) <a href="https://twitter.com/sorryboob/status/1386406967598485505?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 25, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">That pinned tweet that got 20k likes back in 2017? Let it go.</p>
— Ƨ 🇳🇬 (@sharynnxx) <a href="https://twitter.com/sharynnxx/status/1386546351975063558?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 26, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">the fact that he was a turtle makes this so much more impressive <a href="https://t.co/ClMWTPK8Jt">https://t.co/ClMWTPK8Jt</a></p>
— royce hall (@filadisruptor) <a href="https://twitter.com/filadisruptor/status/1386263699837440003?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 25, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">where was he going?? <a href="https://t.co/QCTlPyMVQh">pic.twitter.com/QCTlPyMVQh</a></p>
— Xanathar's Gal for Everything (@pearlsnappea) <a href="https://twitter.com/pearlsnappea/status/1386539900887912450?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 26, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
<strong>April 26</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I made a little guy out of vegetables and he came alive. He is Fucked mentally though</p>
— sexuaI goblin (@sexuaIgoblin) <a href="https://twitter.com/sexuaIgoblin/status/1386810767119372290?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 26, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">My therapist: "you definitely have clinical burnout."<br>
Me: "Oh man. Well, how long is that going to take to fix, because I've got a _lot_ of stuff that needs doing."<br>
My therapist:<br>
Me:<br>
Me: what?</p>
— Meghan Scott Molin - Camp NaNo or bust (@megfuzzle) <a href="https://twitter.com/megfuzzle/status/1386730230610595843?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 26, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">baby this is a call out... <a href="https://t.co/SXC4ctJMH6">https://t.co/SXC4ctJMH6</a></p>
— ori | DDL BDAY BASH (@aftrxhcurs) <a href="https://twitter.com/aftrxhcurs/status/1386668197592682500?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 26, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Unless their demands are met. <a href="https://t.co/vte4xfq46J">pic.twitter.com/vte4xfq46J</a></p>
— Danny Neary (@itsdannyneary) <a href="https://twitter.com/itsdannyneary/status/1386881454378999810?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 27, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Jazz musician Computer<br>
explaining generating<br>
a chord a password<br>
<br>
🤝<br>
<br>
F#7b9/Db</p>
— Malcolm Sad and not well (@vcmusictheory) <a href="https://twitter.com/vcmusictheory/status/1386737198049894400?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 26, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Got my third shot this morning!</p>
— Steven Castillo (@STEEEZUSCHRIST) <a href="https://twitter.com/STEEEZUSCHRIST/status/1386766699597385742?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 26, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">if you do what you love you'll never work a day in your life because you'll be unemployed</p>
— tony (@tony_ferraro7) <a href="https://twitter.com/tony_ferraro7/status/1386852938518351873?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 27, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
<strong>April 27</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">April 2020: working from home sucks<br>
April 2021: if we have to go back to the office full-time I will quit</p>
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) <a href="https://twitter.com/svershbow/status/1387118143865241602?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 27, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">cannot stop thinking about this <a href="https://t.co/8uzzDnnMoh">pic.twitter.com/8uzzDnnMoh</a></p>
— Niccole Thurman (@niccolethurman) <a href="https://twitter.com/niccolethurman/status/1387273505662590980?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 28, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">keeping myself sharp by regularly asking myself tough questions like "what happened yesterday" and "what was i planning on doing just now"</p>
— charlie (@chunkbardey) <a href="https://twitter.com/chunkbardey/status/1387038966055116802?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 27, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="lt" dir="ltr">coronavirus <a href="https://t.co/2QhLbfQjw6">https://t.co/2QhLbfQjw6</a></p>
— dylan (@spiritnght2) <a href="https://twitter.com/spiritnght2/status/1387123469620502533?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 27, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
<strong>April 28</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="und" dir="ltr">i'm <a href="https://t.co/SKeYK1aIbT">pic.twitter.com/SKeYK1aIbT</a></p>
— meg z (@bymeg) <a href="https://twitter.com/bymeg/status/1387485477440163841?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 28, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Please enjoy Harrison Ford watching a magic trick &amp; then reacting in the only way Harrison Ford reacts to anything <a href="https://t.co/oAoUlDT3GY">pic.twitter.com/oAoUlDT3GY</a></p>
— Clarisse Loughrey (@clarisselou) <a href="https://twitter.com/clarisselou/status/1387523627277553670?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 28, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">the funniest genre of song is "look out dudes, this woman only wants to fuck"</p>
— St. Vincent Price (@muddaub) <a href="https://twitter.com/muddaub/status/1387589028938092546?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 29, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Bruh T-Pain got me yelling <a href="https://t.co/HJc6gNzAOy">pic.twitter.com/HJc6gNzAOy</a></p>
— I AM A MILLIONAIRE (@ProducedByTip) <a href="https://twitter.com/ProducedByTip/status/1387607810020630534?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 29, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">My job found out I was going on interviews and gave me a raise today......LMMFAOOOOOOO</p>
— everyoneloveszc.💜💫🏁 (@_AllEyezOnZee) <a href="https://twitter.com/_AllEyezOnZee/status/1387418717127159811?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 28, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">big mood <a href="https://t.co/s7CU69f8EG">pic.twitter.com/s7CU69f8EG</a></p>
— Aaron Serna (@AaronSerna) <a href="https://twitter.com/AaronSerna/status/1387435495785857027?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 28, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">They should make a Toy Story where Woody's son won't stop talking in a Jamaican accent and all the toys feel weird about it.</p>
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) <a href="https://twitter.com/mbalazo/status/1387516423635972097?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 28, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/4fmGCgVOBf">pic.twitter.com/4fmGCgVOBf</a></p>
— daniel (@nwniel) <a href="https://twitter.com/nwniel/status/1387470169392381954?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 28, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
<strong>April 29</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">How'd it go? <a href="https://t.co/oGwb5rjWTe">pic.twitter.com/oGwb5rjWTe</a></p>
— Martin Herlihy (@martinmherlihy) <a href="https://twitter.com/martinmherlihy/status/1387801869746122756?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 29, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Tell me you've never seen Lucille Ball without telling me you've never seen Lucille Ball. <a href="https://t.co/oiaS81jp9Y">https://t.co/oiaS81jp9Y</a></p>
— devin (@devincf) <a href="https://twitter.com/devincf/status/1387823075731726341?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 29, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Happy to announce I finally bought a home in Toronto! 2.8 mill 🙂 Can't wait to move in. <a href="https://t.co/QrzRjKh5tf">pic.twitter.com/QrzRjKh5tf</a></p>
— Gwynne Phillips (@Gwynne_Phillips) <a href="https://twitter.com/Gwynne_Phillips/status/1387885834167279618?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 29, 2021</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

Vish Khanna

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: April 30, 2021

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