Go see Maintenance Dan, no more sex on OnlyFans, sci-fi is just a nice man, why people think we were in Afghanistan, and much more from this week in funny tweets.<br>
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<strong>August 13</strong>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">incredible interaction <a href="https://t.co/K3H27KppTP">pic.twitter.com/K3H27KppTP</a></p>
— Eric Brown (@ericbrownzzz) <a href="https://twitter.com/ericbrownzzz/status/1426235458057641988?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 13, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">You ever turned Barack Obama's signature on its side before? <a href="https://t.co/unIFPrco6P">pic.twitter.com/unIFPrco6P</a></p>
— Themperor Kennedy🐸🏳️‍🌈 (@kennedytcooper) <a href="https://twitter.com/kennedytcooper/status/1426384925008273408?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 14, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Drip is forever <a href="https://t.co/24I5eoIfqL">https://t.co/24I5eoIfqL</a></p>
— Dancing Dora Milaje (@ChocolatChutney) <a href="https://twitter.com/ChocolatChutney/status/1426342173419753474?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 14, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">we told y'all the mean girls from hs became nurses and y'all did not listen <a href="https://t.co/pgAaQ0VksG">https://t.co/pgAaQ0VksG</a></p>
— asia (@thegentledyke) <a href="https://twitter.com/thegentledyke/status/1426269970082811910?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 13, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">when i say i'm fighting my demons it's like this <a href="https://t.co/DP9OIpVxai">pic.twitter.com/DP9OIpVxai</a></p>
— sgt balls🏳️‍⚧️ (@sgtballsisback) <a href="https://twitter.com/sgtballsisback/status/1426290596495364096?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 13, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">passed by a tall waiter and said "tall" out loud. I can't fucking talk to people anymore</p>
— Emma Berquist (@eeberquist) <a href="https://twitter.com/eeberquist/status/1426334733596823554?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 14, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<strong>August 14</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">me this year <a href="https://t.co/RQsBhOiwjT">pic.twitter.com/RQsBhOiwjT</a></p>
— 🦚 (@3dLooks) <a href="https://twitter.com/3dLooks/status/1426564078462451713?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 14, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">thinking about this <a href="https://t.co/Omh1go63v1">pic.twitter.com/Omh1go63v1</a></p>
— jea (@420insidejob) <a href="https://twitter.com/420insidejob/status/1426609541991514115?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 14, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/NQN95bUMSa">pic.twitter.com/NQN95bUMSa</a></p>
— Classical Studies Memes for Hellenistic Teens (@CSMFHT) <a href="https://twitter.com/CSMFHT/status/1426643900639240194?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 14, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">girls i don't think i can do this much longer xxx <a href="https://t.co/uVRSvQdAUA">pic.twitter.com/uVRSvQdAUA</a></p>
— vic xo (@victoriiiiio) <a href="https://twitter.com/victoriiiiio/status/1426577174564417540?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 14, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">wild that Ted Lasso is massively successful bc the premise of "What If A Man Was Nice" is basically like science fiction</p>
— Jonny Auping (@JonnyAuping) <a href="https://twitter.com/JonnyAuping/status/1426595928790769672?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 14, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<strong>August 15</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">starting a job feels like you're a new character on the ninth season of a tv show</p>
— jatsby (@tittyandronicus) <a href="https://twitter.com/tittyandronicus/status/1427061226039922688?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 16, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">oh my god <a href="https://t.co/Ws8UfEBrfY">pic.twitter.com/Ws8UfEBrfY</a></p>
— 🖤 Punished Pom 🖤 (@Solomosos) <a href="https://twitter.com/Solomosos/status/1426986274339045376?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 15, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Sometimes I watch a tv show and I can hear the tweets that wrote the script</p>
— I go by RB now, thx ✌🏻 (@RheaButcher) <a href="https://twitter.com/RheaButcher/status/1427122255117488128?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 16, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions</p>
— llama in a tux (@LlamaInaTux) <a href="https://twitter.com/LlamaInaTux/status/1427041473195819008?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 15, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">A lot of people seem to think we were in Afghanistan for 20 years on behalf of women's rights</p>
— Fairy Gothmother, MD (@jenny2x4) <a href="https://twitter.com/jenny2x4/status/1427067982220382212?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 16, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<strong>August 16</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">When the Star Wars opening crawl says "A long time ago" that doesn't have to mean millions of years, it could be like 1890. And "far, far away" could still be within the range of a hyperdrive. What I'm saying is, they should make a Star Wars movie where Chewbacca fights Dracula</p>
— pixelatedboat aka "mr tweets" (@pixelatedboat) <a href="https://twitter.com/pixelatedboat/status/1427505049941381122?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 17, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">just everything about this <a href="https://t.co/tilnathILY">pic.twitter.com/tilnathILY</a></p>
— maya (@nothiya_itsmaya) <a href="https://twitter.com/nothiya_itsmaya/status/1427149727737462790?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 16, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Poll: Have you been vaccinated or are you voting Conservative? <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/cdnpoli?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#cdnpoli</a></p>
— The Beaverton (@TheBeaverton) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheBeaverton/status/1427269870454984706?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 16, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">just remembered this sign from my old job <a href="https://t.co/ltENwIocu4">pic.twitter.com/ltENwIocu4</a></p>
— gay man baby with a diaper full of poop (@bigidiotredux) <a href="https://twitter.com/bigidiotredux/status/1427481774721048579?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 17, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<strong>August 17</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Why am I still crying at this <a href="https://t.co/K6MudX6u5D">pic.twitter.com/K6MudX6u5D</a></p>
— valcoholics.eth | Future CEP (@valcoholics1) <a href="https://twitter.com/valcoholics1/status/1427855713599111168?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 18, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">my mom only remembers my childhood friends based on the perceived slights they committed against her 15 years ago. I'll mention a name and she'll just be like "ah yes, the one with the MUDDY SHOES."</p>
— Robert Schultz (@_RobertSchultz) <a href="https://twitter.com/_RobertSchultz/status/1427694446255116292?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 17, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Have you noticed the people who don't want to help refugees because we "have our own poor" also don't want to help our own poor?</p>
— mohamad safa (@mhdksafa) <a href="https://twitter.com/mhdksafa/status/1427609148473102338?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 17, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">When you lie on your resume and still get the job. 😳😏😂🎷 <a href="https://t.co/b1qLENavA1">pic.twitter.com/b1qLENavA1</a></p>
— Fred Schultz (@fred035schultz) <a href="https://twitter.com/fred035schultz/status/1427628080294735896?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 17, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Absolutely insane anti-vax sticker outside my apartment <a href="https://t.co/x7Nya4BPrP">pic.twitter.com/x7Nya4BPrP</a></p>
— Genius Of Lunch (@ConorHaloReach) <a href="https://twitter.com/ConorHaloReach/status/1427707880405442573?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 17, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<strong>August 18</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">a bored caveman rubbed two sticks together until it lit up now i gotta do battle with excel from 9am to 5pm everyday</p>
— first-mate prance (@bocxtop) <a href="https://twitter.com/bocxtop/status/1428028856271728643?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 18, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I really can't believe that this is the same pandemic where y'all bought all the toilet paper and flour 'for survival' but now won't get the vaccine 😒</p>
— Chelsey Spriggs, Ph.D. (@Dr_Sprggs) <a href="https://twitter.com/Dr_Sprggs/status/1427969270445707265?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 18, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">the ppl who say "i'd rather not say" are anti-vaxx. vaxxed ppl are like YES, i got my 1st shot of [brand] on [date] and i was fine but after my 2nd shot on [date] i got sick but my coworker got it worse, after 2 weeks i saw my parents and kissed a stranger on the mouth and then i</p>
— Deanna McDonald (@deannagmcdonald) <a href="https://twitter.com/deannagmcdonald/status/1428040593825927171?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 18, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<strong>August 19</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Everyone: can you please stop Facebook from spreading disinformation that's prolonging the pandemic and contributing to the downfall of democracy<br>
<br>
Mark Zuckerberg: no but what if I made zoom worse</p>
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheDweck/status/1428410485720842240?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 19, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Is that all?! <a href="https://t.co/GK67A7T8lk">pic.twitter.com/GK67A7T8lk</a></p>
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) <a href="https://twitter.com/curlycomedy/status/1428369878579359744?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 19, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Following OnlyFans' example, and we are no longer selling bidets.</p>
— TUSHY Bidet (@hellotushy) <a href="https://twitter.com/hellotushy/status/1428446986588536833?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 19, 2021</a></blockquote>
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Vish Khanna

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: August 20, 2021

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