2022 and 2011 menswear, stares, Nathan Fielder's helmet of salt-and-pepper hair, ending a Disney+ share, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

August 19

Toddler made his own lunch pic.twitter.com/gubyKYTz3e
— Jess Hernandez BUY 1ST DAY OF UNICORN SCHOOL (@jhernandezbooks) August 19, 2022

My cousin sent this to me this morning and it's the greatest thing I've ever read: pic.twitter.com/tA06SKFozf
— Clomnivated AlwaysWasAlwaysWillBe (@SezClom) August 20, 2022

well ok then pic.twitter.com/AF5bNLMLpB
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) August 20, 2022

this is the relationship i have with every friend i've ever made pic.twitter.com/iNnfySdSvl
— keith / thank u chef 🫡 (@K_L_E_) August 19, 2022

stares pic.twitter.com/PEY4FV8ldt
— sarah (@outrosza) August 20, 2022

I want to go to Hawaii SO BAD but the locals/natives told us to stay away so ima just watch Lilo and Stitch and pretend.
— Alexis (@LexLanez) August 19, 2022

pic.twitter.com/9nsYQfVn2W
— minty. 🐧 (@PeppermintFlyBy) August 20, 2022

pls this is the funniest thing i've seen all day pic.twitter.com/TQrqp7uvIT
— august🤠 (@liawbyy) August 19, 2022

Seriously, this is what they went with?

When 'Tsarbucks' was right there for the taking? pic.twitter.com/OE3koHsrdH
— Alice (@alicescrambled) August 19, 2022

August 20

my husband RAN—I mean absolutely sprinted—in from the garden, yelling my name, at 8 am, so he could show me this tomato. happy saturday pic.twitter.com/P1ZI3iQAc6
— Hannah 🧃 (@hannahmsays) August 20, 2022

finally some quality journalism pic.twitter.com/jg0r9tChrc
— Men For Fielder (@MenForFieIder) August 20, 2022

i asked my bf what he wished he could change about me and instead of saying something cute like "nothing, you're perfect" he said "nut allergy"
— simoné (@girlpowertbh) August 21, 2022

never worn. pic.twitter.com/fRaPf5imiB
— S 😷💉💉💉 (@vidiot_) August 21, 2022

if banning rapists and white supremacists off social media is a slippery slope i think we should make it even slipperier and slopier
— sofie halili (@literallysofie) August 21, 2022

men downplaying catcalling is so interesting cuz if a random man walked past u & said "why don't u smile for me, sexy" y'all would throw hands on the spot lmao
— CABS ARE HERE (@bimboyugari) August 20, 2022

there are two styles available for women right now and they are milkmaid and 90s rave slut
— Marisa Kabas (@MarisaKabas) August 20, 2022

To people who put one of those signs on their lawn with a dog pooping and a big red line through it: congratulations on your beautiful lawn. Particularly on the big picture of a dog pooping that you put there.
— Jesse Thorn 🤷‍♂️ (@JesseThorn) August 20, 2022

I died man of laughter 😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/yVpTMqfovE
— Alilou ⵣ (@Alilouuu12) August 20, 2022

ok hear me out: Luigiana pic.twitter.com/FE4XXDmmAU
— Marcus (Commissions Closed) (@Dewndeym) August 20, 2022

August 21

Oh, you wanna have kids? Look after this cast iron pan for a year
— Miguel Rivas (@migrivas) August 21, 2022

someone's father is really listening to phoebe bridgers' setlist out loud on spotify 10 mins before she's on stage pic.twitter.com/PRGTMqQUfX
— emma (@phiIosophe) August 22, 2022

Being an audio engineer, this carpet stresses me out 😬 pic.twitter.com/TfVE5YrHIM
— Jason Stealth (@JasonStealth) August 21, 2022

i love when NASA just tweets something like "Check this out — space sounds like the wailing of billions of souls trapped forever in Hell! They are calling for your blood! Wow!" https://t.co/VSv3Meql8D
— libby watson (@libbycwatson) August 22, 2022

pic.twitter.com/tNt5hYCb5u
— Comedy Bang Bang Out of Context (@CBBTV_NoContext) August 21, 2022

I always do a doubletake when I see photos of Arnold Schwarzenegger looking like an 8-year-old child when standing between Wilt Chamberlain and Andre the Giant on the Conan the Destroyer set. pic.twitter.com/ZNH4D6z5iW
— Zack Stentz (@MuseZack) August 22, 2022

2022 menswear telling 2011 menswear how the tables will turn pic.twitter.com/DXZSmevvS8
— Tyler Watamanuk (@tylerwatamanuk) August 21, 2022

Eatin them in front of their family is crazy https://t.co/zzc5wxQmh0
— Maya Angelique👑 (@moneyymaya) August 21, 2022

i think it's very funny that the house of the dragon guys are like "we want to reflect the misogyny of the time period" the time period is the twelfth of makebelieve. it's the 149th year of sir gooby the dragonfoot. it's the eighth age of targabargabor. it's literally made up
— Thing Bad (@Merman_Melville) August 22, 2022

you all are WEAK how does game of thrones have you again
— shri (@shriiiitt) August 22, 2022

 
August 22

I hope the success of House of the Dragon inspires other studios to greenlight prequels set 172 years before the events of the original series. What *was* happening in the Cheers universe in 1810?
— Matt Patches (@misterpatches) August 23, 2022

Told my 94 year old grandmother that they make electric cars now and she said "I don't need to hear about that kind of thing."
— Charlie James (@nonbinarycowboy) August 22, 2022

The Rehearsal set builders when they heard about season two. pic.twitter.com/c3EBQaNxtk
— Luke Barnett (@LukeBarnett) August 23, 2022

Found an aborted journal of mine from when I was 13 ish😭😭😭😭😭😭 gotdamn pic.twitter.com/OcC31pgnJN
— Lulu (@materialistfem) August 23, 2022

Quite possibly the greatest clickbait I've ever seen. pic.twitter.com/EHJdBSJOBZ
— david young (@gabutch) August 22, 2022

They tried so hard with putting a name to Quiet Quitting 🤣. The very concept of people setting boundaries and not putting up with wage theft anymore is SO terrifying to the American employer that they had to put a marketing team behind it.
— Jon Kung (@ChefJonKung) August 22, 2022

obsessed with colorado's 9/11 truther peaches pic.twitter.com/GOjvAsJToX
— allison (@mka_ultra) August 22, 2022

me: I need a passport so I can go to australia

clerk: have you ever been convicted of a crime?

me: is... is that still necessary
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) August 22, 2022

I am simply asking for less-direct metaphors at this point https://t.co/oiHvB8giyn
— a PNW Pinko (@PNWPinko) August 22, 2022

Oz: My team just sent out the funniest tweet…
Fetterman, two seconds later:
pic.twitter.com/VkaZtnLBkG
— Steve Marmel (@Marmel) August 22, 2022

Bought a German Shepherd and now we have like 300 Germans in our basement whatever I'm going for a walk.
— Dave Merritt (@GoldenSeals) August 22, 2022

August 23

Motion activated home security camera working as intended.. pic.twitter.com/5jkSUmbUNp
— Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden) August 23, 2022

(pointing to menu) and the tots, are they tatered in-house?
— tommy balsamic (@chuchugoogoo) August 23, 2022

Booing the paintings I don't like at the museum
— Ryan 🛤 (@ryanposting) August 23, 2022

when did this become more. beautiful than this pic.twitter.com/qIzCgA6oJf
— al (@local__celeb) August 24, 2022

how tf every author the #1 new york times bestseller
— T 🎯 (@LSDFridge) August 23, 2022

It's not a teacher shortage problem.

It's a you disrespected, underpaid & demonized teachers so they resigned from the profession problem.
— Sari Beth Rosenberg (@saribethrose) August 24, 2022

"millennials are very cavalier about not having children" bro the earth is becoming uninhabitable
— regular meghan 나영지 (@ruemcclammyhand) August 23, 2022

i love this account pic.twitter.com/K5mwdeibqt
— derek guy (@dieworkwear) August 23, 2022

Does Bisexual mean you're gay for two years or are gay every other year
— crass iron skillet (@SouthrnGothHick) August 23, 2022

tramp stamp idea pic.twitter.com/RnRByQdLFV
— Berry (@bloodberry_tart) August 23, 2022

August 24

NEW JAMES BOND MOVIE: James if you can't overcome your generational trauma you'll never discover what it means to truly sacrifice

OLD JAMES BOND MOVIE: My name is Rebecca Ass
— Zach Dunn (@zachbdunn) August 25, 2022

Remember when Special K invented a diet and it was just eating Special K
— Reuven Perlman (@ReuvenPerlman) August 25, 2022

When you're an Autumn person waiting for summer to end: pic.twitter.com/Ma7bKHE9cu
— Into The Forest Dark (@ElliottBlackwe3) August 24, 2022

a kid i grew up with stabbed me on my 21st birthday near guitar center on sunsets. i went to the emergency room and the police came and i wouldn't tell them who did it. 2 years later i saw him at a bar and he gave me $20
— Erewhon Pasadena (@marshallvore) August 25, 2022

Be on the lookout for Elon Musk's missing child pic.twitter.com/uazh0sJjOZ
— steven monacelli (@stevanzetti) August 24, 2022

Well my ex canceled the Spotify premium I was using which unfortunately means I am revoking her Dads access to my Disney +. Good guy. Hate to see him caught in the crossfire
— young tiempo (@YoungTiempo) August 24, 2022

The caption explains that the doormat says "gayest place in town" pic.twitter.com/ffh7sIRrsl
— Jessie Sweet, born to tweet (@jessiejensen) August 24, 2022

Never getting off this app, etc etc. pic.twitter.com/ikPzyJW1CG
— rayne (@trayne_wreck) August 24, 2022

conservatives were right. as soon as biden announced the student debt forgiveness plan i quit my job and took out a loan to buy myself 37 new pronouns
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) August 25, 2022

Decided to decline my $20,000 loan forgiveness. Grind never stops. I wish Biden would ADD $20,000 to my debt just so I can grind even HARDER
— collin (@h3ckdaddy) August 25, 2022

August 25

i also forgive everybody for taking out loans. People change ❤️
— Jack Corbett (@jackcorrbit) August 25, 2022

The White House Twitter account has gone goblin mode pic.twitter.com/Th3YI5Zs3m
— Ahmed Baba (@AhmedBaba_) August 25, 2022

The fact that everyone complaining about student debt forgiveness seems to exclusively be PPP recipients is creating incredible moments in "Is This You?" history. We are nearing the singularity
— Guy Freire (@guy_freire) August 25, 2022

This is what Dune is about https://t.co/t4sTTIyKvx
— Evelyn Waughluigi (@matress_island) August 25, 2022

boyfriend said I'm the most beautiful woman on earth. can you believe this shit. go enjoy ur bitch on mars then
— Lucy V (@LucyXIV) August 25, 2022

This is a perfect joke. pic.twitter.com/LeaewElnoW
— Live Fast Si Young (@iamsimonyoung) August 25, 2022

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: August 26, 2022

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