Rudolph's <em>Last Dance</em>, Brendan isn't given a chance, Charlize Theron contemplates <em>Die Hard </em>romance, strive to be like Captain Underpants, and much more from this week in funny tweets.<br>
<br>
<strong>December 4</strong>
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">chance the rapper said "i met kanye west i'm never going to fail" and then proceeded to fail horrendously</p>
— Gabe the Machine (@HornyLanez) <a href="https://twitter.com/HornyLanez/status/1335078443319484416?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Read this <a href="https://t.co/9N2Rtfx35L">pic.twitter.com/9N2Rtfx35L</a></p>
— 🕸️ fish1milk🕸️ (@Fish1Milk) <a href="https://twitter.com/Fish1Milk/status/1334941358554013699?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 4, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/cHVYX6eZRP">pic.twitter.com/cHVYX6eZRP</a></p>
— elise navidad (@crocfanpage) <a href="https://twitter.com/crocfanpage/status/1335065231043796995?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">The kids asked if they could write "Let It Snow" on the windows... the bottom is what can be seen from the road. <a href="https://t.co/qayoHSY7li">pic.twitter.com/qayoHSY7li</a></p>
— JINGLE JANGLE JUSTIN 🎄 (@Heisenherr) <a href="https://twitter.com/Heisenherr/status/1335016292881928196?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I'm not doing anything... <a href="https://t.co/KyUzpywoas">pic.twitter.com/KyUzpywoas</a></p>
— Jay Arnold 🎬 (@jadedcreative) <a href="https://twitter.com/jadedcreative/status/1335038941859340289?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>December 5</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I once took a woman out to eat and talked until 12 am so my direct deposit could hit</p>
— . (@CoreysThirst) <a href="https://twitter.com/CoreysThirst/status/1335412747048267776?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 6, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">therapist: how are you?<br>
<br>
me: i'm fine how are you? :)</p>
— iris ❀ུ۪ (@8RUJA) <a href="https://twitter.com/8RUJA/status/1335354105787801611?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">The existence of Liverpool implies the existence of Laugherpool &amp; Loverpool</p>
— Michael. (@cumkinggg) <a href="https://twitter.com/cumkinggg/status/1335379942008360960?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 6, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">In America we destroy them to keep the prices high. <a href="https://t.co/gUCme28TNs">https://t.co/gUCme28TNs</a></p>
— John Oberlin (@OMGno2trump) <a href="https://twitter.com/OMGno2trump/status/1335238401549852674?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Last night I discovered "minimalist nativity sets" and I am WEEPING <a href="https://t.co/XuRoGq8i1v">pic.twitter.com/XuRoGq8i1v</a></p>
— Kirby Jones (@kejones_) <a href="https://twitter.com/kejones_/status/1335272025175302145?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Please enjoy these ducks changing their minds. <a href="https://t.co/v1jvCTNMmK">pic.twitter.com/v1jvCTNMmK</a></p>
— Dick King-Smith HQ (@DickKingSmith) <a href="https://twitter.com/DickKingSmith/status/1335237496981041153?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>December 6</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">technology is unbelievable <a href="https://t.co/mYxPEdsXog">pic.twitter.com/mYxPEdsXog</a></p>
— search brayden bauer on spotify (@Keefler_Elf) <a href="https://twitter.com/Keefler_Elf/status/1335647185984163851?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 6, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">The last few months for Rudy Giuliani:<br>
<br>
1. Gets caught (allegedly) undoing his pants in a Borat movie<br>
2. Hosts an election fraud presser at Four Seasons Total Landscaping<br>
3. Sweats so much his hair dye melts<br>
4. Audibly farts in a hearing<br>
5. Tests positive for covid-19<br>
<br>
An icon.</p>
— Emma Vigeland (@EmmaVigeland) <a href="https://twitter.com/EmmaVigeland/status/1335681731874205698?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 6, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Weird that Covid is just like the flu but every right wing political figure that tests positive is immediately flown to the top medical centers in the country, treated by the top medical personnel and administered treatments the public doesn't have access to.</p>
— Mike Stanley (@_Aware_Wolf) <a href="https://twitter.com/_Aware_Wolf/status/1335762638421291008?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 7, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">The annual book tree is up! Always with a heavy Crim-literature presence and this year topped off with a T-Rex 🦖 <a href="https://t.co/D63z5lmNq0">pic.twitter.com/D63z5lmNq0</a></p>
— Travis Pratt (@TravisCPratt) <a href="https://twitter.com/TravisCPratt/status/1335715866592202753?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 6, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Thinking about this influencer who can't spell voila 😭 <a href="https://t.co/nij239gD5U">pic.twitter.com/nij239gD5U</a></p>
— Drew 🫐 (@DietMountainDru) <a href="https://twitter.com/DietMountainDru/status/1335818495968169984?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 7, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">why do men start podcasts instead of going to therapy</p>
— jay (@flossybabyjay) <a href="https://twitter.com/flossybabyjay/status/1335606543056769025?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 6, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Feels like we could workshop this down to a tight three-word slogan. <a href="https://t.co/y5CvkLK1qs">https://t.co/y5CvkLK1qs</a></p>
— Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) <a href="https://twitter.com/KevinMKruse/status/1335755108555108356?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 7, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>December 7</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">this photo is some accidental renaissance. there's so much going on. <a href="https://t.co/HB9c8KIhSD">pic.twitter.com/HB9c8KIhSD</a></p>
— Steve Mullis (@stevemullis) <a href="https://twitter.com/stevemullis/status/1336181350966112261?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Sorry if I'm not celebrating Trump's defeat yet, I still remember when Jay Leno took back the Tonight Show.</p>
— Paul Danke (@pauldanke) <a href="https://twitter.com/pauldanke/status/1336191460517969920?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">James Harden watched all 10 episodes of the Last Dance just to get inspired by Dennis Rodman😭</p>
— Magic's Burner (@MagicsBurner) <a href="https://twitter.com/MagicsBurner/status/1336108462703603717?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">when they never let poor rudolph join in any reindeer games <a href="https://t.co/NSsFGshakB">pic.twitter.com/NSsFGshakB</a></p>
— Taylor Foster (@tayfonicole) <a href="https://twitter.com/tayfonicole/status/1336100187970760704?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Thinking about when this guy read me Ginsberg after sex, and then a week later a fully different guy read me Ginsberg after sex, and I told guy 2 about the coincidence and he sighed and said, "No, that's my ex. He stole my move."</p>
— J*ckie (@jackies_backie) <a href="https://twitter.com/jackies_backie/status/1336141624297000963?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Why am i still single <a href="https://t.co/Lz9IUum26c">pic.twitter.com/Lz9IUum26c</a></p>
— Jiggly Wiggly (@dummyjig) <a href="https://twitter.com/dummyjig/status/1336069450718703623?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 7, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Where do I sign <a href="https://t.co/nO47Bj28CN">https://t.co/nO47Bj28CN</a></p>
— Charlize Theron (@CharlizeAfrica) <a href="https://twitter.com/CharlizeAfrica/status/1336122864861282306?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>December 8</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">you've heard of fomo now get ready for fobi (fear of being included)</p>
— i praydalor my sodakeep (@AlmondTiddies) <a href="https://twitter.com/AlmondTiddies/status/1336487928424361984?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">i literally sext like "is that so?"</p>
— azula apologist (@darianmars) <a href="https://twitter.com/darianmars/status/1336266765643337735?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">"infant so tender and mild" suggests the existence of a spicy baby</p>
— Bella Lara Blondeau (@vivarockbella) <a href="https://twitter.com/vivarockbella/status/1336378854282153984?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">my mum discovered a spreadsheet my dad made to plan his week off work in 2000 <a href="https://t.co/yveAjvRKUK">pic.twitter.com/yveAjvRKUK</a></p>
— martha (@marthalobrien) <a href="https://twitter.com/marthalobrien/status/1336261685070483456?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I actually laughed out loud. Catch me never pronouncing microwave correctly again <a href="https://t.co/lpJx9dk1qw">pic.twitter.com/lpJx9dk1qw</a></p>
— meekro wahvé x (@jackremmington) <a href="https://twitter.com/jackremmington/status/1336291652441427970?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>December 9</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Still the funniest moment of 2020 <a href="https://t.co/3GmYYQOxUj">pic.twitter.com/3GmYYQOxUj</a></p>
— Slade (@Slade) <a href="https://twitter.com/Slade/status/1336731217379667968?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">counterpoint: we should do exactly that <a href="https://t.co/47QS0rtU4J">https://t.co/47QS0rtU4J</a> <a href="https://t.co/JPhP5PYmqN">pic.twitter.com/JPhP5PYmqN</a></p>
— Tankarchist-Posadist (@Tankarchist) <a href="https://twitter.com/Tankarchist/status/1336749857747431424?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">What the streets are gonna look like in January when the elderly are the only ones with the vaccine <a href="https://t.co/nsFKG7DtWv">pic.twitter.com/nsFKG7DtWv</a></p>
— Nathan McDermott (@natemcdermott) <a href="https://twitter.com/natemcdermott/status/1336736144759918597?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">friendly reminder that the numbers on your toaster indicate the amount of minutes to toast for, not a mysterious level of toastedness</p>
— Lizz Adams (@Lizz) <a href="https://twitter.com/Lizz/status/1336685895865389056?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">grandma said twitter is just reader's digest for gen x and I had to sit down and stare at the floor for a few minutes.</p>
— Eric Gonzalez Juenke (@egojunk1) <a href="https://twitter.com/egojunk1/status/1336697521909985283?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>December 10</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Hollywood 2021, either get cast in a Star Wars spinoff or start an OnlyFans</p>
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) <a href="https://twitter.com/MattOswaltVA/status/1337190929929682944?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 11, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Vaccine roll out timeline for bands (requested by <a href="https://twitter.com/benleemusic?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@benleemusic</a>):<br>
<br>
1. Bands that hang by merch table after show<br>
2. Bands that set up drum kit off to the side, not centered<br>
3. Bands with average Pitchfork score &gt; 4.<br>
4. Bands where singer goes on solo tours, but feels shitty</p>
— Todd Barry (@toddbarry) <a href="https://twitter.com/toddbarry/status/1337119069397528576?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 10, 2020</a></blockquote>
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Vish Khanna

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 11, 2020

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