I think Yoda should leave, recalling a classic joke by Steve, no Golden Globe noms for Fleabag or Killing Eve, what the FBI has up its sleeve and much more from this funny week in funny tweets.

December 7

I think the fuck not you trick ass bitch. https://t.co/kAS8LKBIfj
— Shantira Jackson (@tira_tira_tira) December 7, 2019

Got booked to do stand up at this event and I got here and everyone is in leather harnesses and there's hardcore porn projected on the walls and beds on the floor. I didn't know. I'm wearing a turtleneck and I brought my cousin
— Moss Perricone (@mossperricone) December 8, 2019

a guy at Art Basel pulled the banana worth $120k off the wall and ATE IT!!!! here's him being escorted out pic.twitter.com/w6Z7mHHSGC
— jonathan munoz stan account (@isaaacarrasco) December 7, 2019

I'll never not RT this video pic.twitter.com/0DKdorDYm3
— Jessica Fletcher (@heckyessica) December 8, 2019

Joe Pesci and Letterman, chemistry of gods pic.twitter.com/I0s49m42wu
— John Frankensteiner (@JFrankensteiner) December 8, 2019

This happened and here's the video: someone ripped the Maurizio Cattelan banana off the wall at @ArtBasel and ATE IT 🍌 pic.twitter.com/JOL41jLoeY
— JiaJia Fei 费嘉菁 (@VAJIAJIA) December 7, 2019

December 8

Gmail: Someone has signed into your account!

Me: Yeah that was me

Gmail: No it was on another device!

Me: Yes my tablet

Gmail: Someone stole your tablet?!

Me: what no

Gmail: CALL THE POLICE
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) December 8, 2019

They just announced on my flight that this is the captain's last flight and I really hope he's just retiring.
— Mohanad Elshieky (@MohanadElshieky) December 8, 2019

"please tell me how much u wanna fuck my mom 🥺🤲🏾" https://t.co/yihquPNvWd
— loaded baked potato (@esmeraldathe3rd) December 8, 2019

Best thing you'll see today... pic.twitter.com/EYZ4OGK3ud
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) December 8, 2019

Arguably J-Roc's most iconic line https://t.co/sHvX5l2n5i
— Jonathan Torrens (@TorrensJonathan) December 9, 2019

Most car accidents happen within 5 miles of your own house cuz your neighbors are all assholes.
— Brother Ben (@SentenceReduced) December 9, 2019

i am a:

⚪️ man
⚪️ woman
🔘 little hungover

seeking:

⚪️ men
⚪️ women
🔘 a bagel
— Matt. (@MattTheBrand) December 8, 2019

Hmm, are you sure about your source here, sir? https://t.co/RlewTny42R
— Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) December 9, 2019

spongebob NEVER made a bad track. Gary come home?? BANGER. Best day ever?? SLAPS. Sweet victory??? Emotionally and sonically RICH. Don't even get me STARTED on This Grill is Not a Home
— King Ushbal🌹 (@666ush) December 8, 2019

Cats are assholes. pic.twitter.com/04KZf9Fcx4
— jamie (@gnuman1979) December 9, 2019

first date: small talk, gettin to know each other

second date: I explain why I don't think outer space is real

no third date usually
— mb✨ (@marybethbarone) December 9, 2019

December 9

holy shit

a kid asked pete if he will help take big money out of politics and stop having closed-door fundraisers with billionaires

pete's response?

a curt "no"pic.twitter.com/IjFeH7VVjD
— jordan (@JordanUhl) December 9, 2019

choose your fighter pic.twitter.com/0znOH7n223
— hani (@haniruok) December 9, 2019

It's true. From the 70s. https://t.co/0Aqei1XG6g
— Steve Martin (@SteveMartinToGo) December 9, 2019

Becoming the Landlord of my own Body by refusing to fix anything wrong with it
— Brooks Otterlake (@i_zzzzzz) December 10, 2019

Indian political discourse in 2019. pic.twitter.com/RdQkP7WwlT
— Hasan Minhaj (@hasanminhaj) December 9, 2019

uhhhh you're a fuckin weird ass https://t.co/gf8FBiKdtD
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) December 10, 2019

In the year of Fleabag, Killing Eve, Little Women, When They See Us, Booksmart, Harriet, Hustlers, Late Night and many more...

No lady writers.
No lady directors.
Again. #GoldenGlobe https://t.co/dO13bRGqU6
— Caitlin D. Fryers 📚 (@cdemrys) December 9, 2019

Christians in action pic.twitter.com/v5Cyj2lv3l
— Conner O'Malley (@conner_omalley) December 9, 2019

🎶kirk douglas, check it and see / he's got a birthday, he's 103🎶
— blaine on the shelf (@blainecapatch) December 9, 2019

"So in the first movie Sigourney Weaver is a cellist in an orchestra and then in the next movie she's restoring priceless works of art with no explanation of what spurred this career change. Also, don't you have to go to school for art restoration?" pic.twitter.com/bZAatqMNx7
— Maggie Serota (@maggieserota) December 10, 2019

December 10

Die Hard isn't a Christmas movie. He sneaks around a tower at night avoiding Alan Rickman. It's a Harry Potter movie.
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) December 10, 2019

Classic List comin at ya!
Letterman 2014. pic.twitter.com/4lZB0KVgI8
— Joe List (@JoeListComedy) December 10, 2019

So you're arguing that Trump is Thanos ("The Mad Titan") who wants to kill half of all living things, but in the end winds up defeated and dying, taking all of his sycophantic followers down with him?

Great work, everyone. https://t.co/gFLPVch2An
— Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) December 10, 2019

OHHHHHH KAYYYYY, MISTER NAMED HIS THING "CANADALAND" pic.twitter.com/mYVnvgtKcf
— Hi it's Matt Collins (@mitchberghini) December 11, 2019

Manager: What brings you in?

Mom: I need a gun to help keep my family safe. https://t.co/ChHrudCzR3
— Scott Charles (@TheScottCharles) December 11, 2019

Vine went traveling the world to find itself but did too many drugs in Amsterdam and came back as TikTok.
— Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) December 10, 2019

December 11

You've changed. You used to care so much about what actors said that the paper you edited hacked Nigel Havers phone for years while his wife was dying of cancer. https://t.co/kO2a8jAdkF
— Hugh Grant (@HackedOffHugh) December 11, 2019

Just passed by a group of cool teens engaged in a lively discussion. I said, "What are you talking about, teens?" They just laughed, puffed their vape pens and said "Clint Eastwood's Richard Jewell."
— Michael Fairytale of New York Minus the Slurs (@mbalazo) December 11, 2019

BABY OF THE YEEEEEEEAAAAARRRRRR pic.twitter.com/12B9pvlB2G
— Jill Krajewski (@JillKrajewski) December 11, 2019

oh my god...they admit it! pic.twitter.com/YSOvFM69lI
— ellie sunakawa (@elliesunakawa) December 11, 2019

My audition to be the new voice of Big Bird and Oscar The Grouch pic.twitter.com/YdSIBUBcb9
— Chris Locke (@chrislockeworld) December 11, 2019

At halftime they're gonna present Patrick Patterson with a SCENE card #rtz
— Talking Raptors (@TalkingRaptors) December 12, 2019

you have GOT to be kidding me with this bullshit.
Cosby pretends he's blind.
Weinstein pretends he's a cripple.
Is Matt Lauer gonna show up to court in a fucking iron lung? Jesus Christ these people. pic.twitter.com/tMr2yrrisk
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) December 11, 2019

December 12

Some life hacks for my UK friends:
- call an Uber instead of an ambulance
- take your dog's medications
- don't get sick
— Ken Klippenstein (@kenklippenstein) December 12, 2019

imagine having a passport that allows you to move freely between, live in and work in 28 countries, including many of the worlds most affluent, with excellent free health care and social services wherever you go & voting to tear that passport up and be stranded on an island.
— Philip Gourevitch (@PGourevitch) December 12, 2019

Live footage of working class Tory voters voting Tory pic.twitter.com/UHwd4fpwoA
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) December 12, 2019

a block apart, huh. https://t.co/1cY6p4OA8K
— bitchipedia (@such_A_frknlady) December 12, 2019

the english americans
🤝
being too racist to
have a functioning
democracy
— Maclunkey Means Family (@KyleKallgren) December 12, 2019

Ultimately, Corbyn simply couldn't overcome Britain's perverse desire to be ruled by a guy who looks like Barney Rubble
— pixelated boat aka "mr tweets" (@pixelatedboat) December 13, 2019

December 13

"Is food gay?" https://t.co/aqNo4Nv8JL
— "Wholesome" Baby Billy Hawkins (@CeeHawk) December 13, 2019

OMG!! Epic Trump trolling by @VicenteFoxQue!! I love it so hard!! 😂😂😂😂
pic.twitter.com/PAxtWMJUpI
— Mystery Solvent (@MysterySolvent) December 14, 2019

this is the only kind of meeting that i'm interested in attending
(hdbrosriley IG) pic.twitter.com/ZbutqWW1cL
— Humor And Animals (@humorandanimals) December 13, 2019

This is gentrification. https://t.co/vRbCWRfZ0W
— ً (@washingtjohn) December 13, 2019

Here's my impression of the beauty blogger who lives next door to Adam Driver in Marriage Story who was trying to film a make up tutorial pic.twitter.com/pscYwRub60
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) December 14, 2019

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 13, 2019

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