"What the hell," Folgers incest commercial, TOP 5 WORST MEDIEVAL, Doug Ford wants beer wherever possible, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

December 8

Sometimes when I eat a big sandwich, I'll drink a kombucha. Cause I'm like, "they'll help eat this for me"
— Benny Feldman (@Feldfrog) December 9, 2023

Just to let everyone know, I bought the kids pizza. I just had to show them I'm not slow. 😭

Being an educator was fun. https://t.co/1oQ8MA2gOM
— Gerald J. Huggins II, M.A. (@Coach_HugginsJr) December 8, 2023

(trembling and panting like a dog) Looks like a ggood movie https://t.co/5hVbLeSLBK
— transfeminine frankenstein, m.a. (@draculavoice) December 8, 2023

i bet the first time a pirate said "shiver me timbers" the whole boat just lost their fucking minds
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) December 9, 2023

i took a british guy home and when i woke up all my artifacts were gone
— tanya (@Tanya_Sabrinaaa) December 9, 2023

You can't diversity, equity, and inclusion your way out of imperialism and settler colonialism. pic.twitter.com/k3VGXzZk0O
— Jairo I Fúnez-Flores (@Jairo_I_Funez) December 9, 2023

this is like a movie that princess carolyn would be producing as a throwaway bojack horseman joke https://t.co/07R97KbZIh
— meg succession text posts (@successtextpost) December 8, 2023

I'm at a store buying sweatpants and there are identical sweatpants in the men's and women's sections, except the women's don't have pockets. This is the pantriarchy.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) December 8, 2023

Filling a humidifier with Panera lemonade and closing the garage door
— ʎǝlɹɐɥƆ (@charleyonhere) December 8, 2023

There it is, the high pitched voice when he knows he's caught. https://t.co/5wcDmdqjLK
— Bradley P. Moss (@BradMossEsq) December 8, 2023

Listen to this that shit is hilarious 😭 https://t.co/pBqaEXiG7x pic.twitter.com/DnEouMfkN2
— Thomas 🏀 (@ThomasBuckets78) December 9, 2023

"Ok guys, let's get back in this. I've brought some orange slices from home. Take one and pass them around" - Darko during the break
— Talking Raptors (@TalkingRaptors) December 9, 2023

I feel like the 12ppg defensive focused weirdo was a staple in the NBA that got phased out with the offensive revolution and I ain't gonna lie I kinda like how Dillon is restoring the feeling. https://t.co/mlYp0U4Hoi
— 🐧✨America Is Musty✨🐧 (@DragonflyJonez) December 9, 2023

December 9

The Grinch: I'm not a fan of the materialism of Christmas

An entire town for some reason: I hope he dies alone
— brandAn is good (@LeBearGirdle) December 10, 2023

I was listening to Jingle Bell Rock and "Jingle Horse" sounds like a slur racehorses use for sleigh horses.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) December 9, 2023

The most offensive thing about the Folger's incest commercial isn't that the brother and sister are clearly going to fuck later, it's that he's been in West Africa, home to some of the world's most incredible coffee varietals and yet he calls Folger's "real coffee" https://t.co/nObzDaRzHN
— Kristi Yamaguccimane (@TheWapplehouse) December 9, 2023

this is fentanyl to the brits https://t.co/B7CD9ahsZU pic.twitter.com/hA1pH1bZcW
— with_drama2.0 (@with_drama_v2) December 9, 2023

They would never make a man beg for healthcare in a court of law.
— KD 📚🌎🌊🇺🇸🟧 (@kdnerak33) December 9, 2023

this is perfect. this is what AI is. there's no intelligence. these AI platforms just regurgitate data in a conversational format.

if it's not what the user wants, facts be damned, users can just grind away at it until it changes what it says to give the user what they want pic.twitter.com/LIiozGgYj0
— Matt Binder (@MattBinder) December 9, 2023

this must be what being a moth is like https://t.co/sye92xcrh0
— m@thew (@TweetPotato314) December 9, 2023

She is dressed like the Ikea monkey https://t.co/8hGb978R7g
— Tess Malone (@temalone) December 9, 2023

An Elon Musk fan just gave him $16 just to get absolutely roasted by Grok AI, now he's fuming 😂 pic.twitter.com/0e0CBzZ90Y
— Right Wing Cope (@RightWingCope) December 10, 2023

Let's say Hunter Biden goes to jail for ten trillion years, do you guys have any other policies you have been working on, or nah?
— Mr. Newberger (@jeremynewberger) December 9, 2023

I heard the A's offered Ohtani $1 per year for 700 million years.
— Casey Pratt (@CaseyPrattABC7) December 9, 2023

It really was Kawhi Watch 2.0, right down to planes being tracked and the star player signing in LA smh
— William Lou (@william_lou) December 9, 2023

Bron really a Kryptonian who decided to hide 99% of his powers but lets that 1% breathe freely https://t.co/mhBUvxN90V
— Mike GuardabasciHoHoHo 🎅🏻🎅🏻 (@Guardabascio) December 10, 2023

December 10

Recently I learned that 50% of men surveyed believe they could land a commercial aircraft in an emergency and knowing this is helping me understand a lot of the emails I get at work.
— feminist next door (@emrazz) December 11, 2023

i personally think it's awesome how many guys are QRTing this like "she doesn't understand male friendship" as if it's normal and good that no one wants to hang out w them or celebrate their birthdays https://t.co/rGwh8DWhOy
— sword gf (@punishedgarage) December 10, 2023

i am addicted to having an appetizer of sleep on my couch before moving to my bed for sleep entrees
— no doubt (@selontheweb) December 10, 2023

When a woman gets a haircut, it's life affirming, she is glowing with new confidence. When a man gets a haircut, hopefully it will look normal in two weeks or so.
— Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) December 10, 2023

Wife: have you seen the dog bowl?

Me: no, is he any good?
— Boog (@bewgtweets) December 10, 2023

gonna print this out and replace my child's artwork on the fridge pic.twitter.com/kAgE0ZkmTf
— Kristi Yamaguccimane (@TheWapplehouse) December 10, 2023

December 11

Stop telling weird guys on here to go outside, this only relocates the problem
— I'm nice and normal (@InternetHippo) December 11, 2023

whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage i'm like yeah. me know
— Deirdre (@figgled) December 12, 2023

one time this bar had a burger called the "911 burger" because it was spicy or something and my dad ordered it and called it the 9/11 burger
— wint (@dril) December 12, 2023

The haters said I couldn't do it. And they were correct. Honestly great call from the haters
— drew janda (@drewjanda) December 11, 2023

brian cox is like the opposite of paul rudd in that he doesnt age but he doesnt always look young he always looks old. this is him on frasier when he was ***3 years older than paul rudd is right now*** pic.twitter.com/1PTkDAEF1m
— Lizzie Logan (@lizzzzzielogan) December 12, 2023

Just to recap, the best things about HBO Max were

1) The interface (and they've fucked it)
2) The quality of the library (and they're fucking it)
3) THE HBO PART (the part you thought they wouldn't fuck, but guess what)
— Josh Raby (@JoshRaby) December 12, 2023

Tommy DeVito's agent is absolutely perfect pic.twitter.com/LimaGUKJeo
— CJ Fogler account may or may not be notable (@cjzero) December 12, 2023

"what the hell" pic.twitter.com/T980u1cKyO
— sean yoo (@SeanYoo) December 12, 2023

the advertisers... they're returning.. 🥲 pic.twitter.com/GxhE8VymZL
— Rob DenBleyker (@RobDenBleyker) December 12, 2023

laughing at the premise that academics currently run universities pic.twitter.com/GAhKTmdFrH
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) December 11, 2023

Maybe if enough of them leave, the libraries can open back up? https://t.co/g706C59kEL
— phoenix calida is not here for your shit (@uppittynegress) December 11, 2023

Then maybe stop shipping it to them????? https://t.co/pjCg8z8c1o
— @ImaniBarbarin@disabled.social (@Imani_Barbarin) December 12, 2023

People who believe in Noah's Ark are making healthcare decisions for American women.
— Jen (@JenResistedAGN) December 11, 2023

this is a Reductress post https://t.co/yFiXAzuv35
— Laurie Kilmartin (@anylaurie16) December 12, 2023

This just happened on MNF pic.twitter.com/9t9HHat4AB
— Dusty and about to retire • Rob HaZe (@robhaze) December 12, 2023

Dodgers right now https://t.co/N8MN5ME8PZ pic.twitter.com/3VEhblLv5u
— John Frankensteiner (@JFrankensteiner) December 12, 2023

judas: ok guys. what's everybody bringing for the last supper

jesus: the what supper

judas: the regular supper. ordinary supper
— frye (@___frye) December 12, 2023

December 12

It would be awesome if your mind made noises like ur stomach when it's thinking
— Harrison Weinreb (@harriweinreb) December 12, 2023

can we as a society start sharing this video of adam scott meeting mark hamill as much as we share the tom holland umbrella lip sync battle video because i cry over this every single time it pops up pic.twitter.com/ILj89SgcD4
— Nora Dominick (@noradominick) December 12, 2023

Remember when Biden literally got a message from the CEO of Delta to reduce quarantine to five days, and our public health policy became the Delta CEO policy https://t.co/kK4bhmwUga
— thomas 🛠 IATSE STRIKE! (@t_NYC) December 12, 2023

Dear Stupid Republicans,

If the Supreme Court rules that Donald Trump is immune from prosecution, then they would be telling Joe Biden that he is free to commit whatever crimes necessary to rig the next election and stay in power for as long as he wants.
— Mark Romano (@DLPodcaster) December 12, 2023

In Sweden, Covid is good, because it helps you to die.

Not joking. https://t.co/0PB57f6mVf
— Raffy Flynn (@RaffyFlynnArt) December 12, 2023

They would've had a proper graphic designer but he was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died. https://t.co/yca0n3HBHg
— Harris Dang aka Critic Name (@FilmMomatic) December 12, 2023

Was just wondering why I hadn't seen this edit yet so I did it myself. pic.twitter.com/81gU0wLqeO
— Matthew "Movies" Thomason (@ThomasonTown) December 13, 2023

Sometimes I like to rewatch a clip of the time Gordon Ramsay went to a Soul Food/Caribbean restaurant on Kitchen Nightmares and found out it wasn't a nightmare, and he instead loved it. pic.twitter.com/oUgWLHyjUM
— Microplastics Explorer (@DiabolicalSpuds) December 12, 2023

I cannot stand living in email hell. My grocery store emailed me asking "how did we do?" idk man I got the food, let me go home, why am I always somehow sort of at the store
— Dan Sheehan (@ItsDanSheehan) December 12, 2023

spiders for 400 million years:

[someone invents garages]

spiders: oh my fucking god. holy fuck yes
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) December 13, 2023

Good stuff https://t.co/rhqJqvrP6y
— New York Times Pitchbot (@DougJBalloon) December 13, 2023

In honor of Andre Braugher, here's one of my favorite scenes from Brooklyn 99 pic.twitter.com/ibbZBWShBy
— Zach (@ZacharyRos3507) December 13, 2023

Get yourself a renowned Shakespearean actor for your ludicrously silly comedy, and you get scenes like this peppered in amongst the goofing and slapstick - 'gravitas' doesn't even come close to describing Andre Braugher's mastery of big speeches pic.twitter.com/0lu5niVrR6
— Greg Jenner (@greg_jenner) December 13, 2023

can't stop watching this aggressively french reaction to a cat stealing some quiche 😭 "MA QUICHE" pic.twitter.com/nQBQM4eYfE
— lucy ford 🍊 (@lucyj_ford) December 12, 2023

and now Nikola Jokic: ejected https://t.co/dTJYpB7j2a pic.twitter.com/wf9njHYOqD
— Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) December 13, 2023

dawg said he would've put 200 racks on each officials head back home https://t.co/NBACM2GuO0
— A🦁 (@itsYDG2) December 13, 2023

Nobody:

Draymond Green in the post tryna get open: pic.twitter.com/JmMMGxiB0x
— Beignet Boy⚜️ (@_joshisking) December 13, 2023

Steph is out there still playing like an MVP begging for some support and all he's getting is Klay holding up 4 fingers after shooting over 3 defenders, Draymond practicing his right hook, and Steve Kerr beefing with opposing arenas' DJs
— sreekar (@sreekyshooter) December 13, 2023

December 13

TOP 5 WORST MEDIEVAL ROCK SONGS:

5. I'm in Love With My Cart
4. Born on the Bayeux Tapestry
3. When I'm Thirty-Four
2. TIE: Cuts Like a Broadaxe/We Will Stone You
1. Smells Like Byzantine Spirit #Top5Worst
— Dave Merritt (@GoldenSeals) December 13, 2023

No. Not my TV Dad. That sucks. Here's Andre Braugher shouting the word "BONE?!" which will never not reduce me to tears of laughter. pic.twitter.com/qwgVKOuFva
— Dave Turner (@mrdaveturner) December 13, 2023

coworker stuns in new follow-up email
— not mac (@literallynotmac) December 13, 2023

Has any actor ever regretted their decisions more visibly than Hugh Grant in this moment pic.twitter.com/qLSmHTbDm1
— Isaac Feldberg (@isaacfeldberg) December 14, 2023

>August 23, 2010 https://t.co/2tNMYGVgl6 pic.twitter.com/KnGCiQZlqv
— T3 | Saximus (@5aximus) December 13, 2023

Calling it "x" is admitting where you were on Jan 6th https://t.co/zWFjH5UcHD
— sam greisman (@SAMGREIS) December 13, 2023

https://t.co/mS054qykxy pic.twitter.com/VbU21JYz5E
— Isaac (@GalaxyPeaBrain) December 13, 2023

Emphasis on "affairs" https://t.co/HqiN1uYTdm
— TDot Resident (@TDotResident) December 13, 2023

Thank you friend 🙏🌹 https://t.co/40LiIYq6PV
— Muntadhar al-Zaidi (@muntazer_zaidi) December 14, 2023

Thought he had an easy target. Didn't realize dude rockin the sandals/jeans/ponytail/solo Bluetooth was born into the shitty internet debate. Molded by it. When Mr TikTok was out partying he was studying Usenet archives and paying for Something Awful…

pic.twitter.com/RDeDaWngWx
— Kristi Yamaguccimane (@TheWapplehouse) December 13, 2023

"one of these food items has to go forever"

"no it doesn't" pic.twitter.com/EePlmnwjNd
— jenny_tightpants🪑 (@halomancer1) December 14, 2023

The CEO of the most important website in history makes $790,000.

The CEO of Docusign, a company that JUST signs documents for you, made $85,940,000 this year https://t.co/CF2DwaWpYd
— Basil☀️ (@LinkofSunshine) December 13, 2023

https://t.co/1Pm9RV8K7E pic.twitter.com/lskSPwT9YP
— veep reactions (@veepreactions) December 13, 2023

one time a newspaper my dad wrote for accidentally printed his columnist photo in an article about Salvador Dali dying pic.twitter.com/bKUMBdhomk
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) December 14, 2023

https://t.co/VROQ8eb23A pic.twitter.com/BJpYXCLdgK
— marisakabas.bsky.social (@marisakabas2) December 13, 2023

just finished making my schedule 🙏 https://t.co/SQgYcNQuAn pic.twitter.com/wtIy9YxR37
— Hurt CoPain (@SaeedDiCaprio) December 13, 2023

Got sick of losing the Apple TV remote so I decided to treat it like a coffee shop bathroom key pic.twitter.com/1Jk0GfF7P0
— Toby "Let People Build Housing" Muresianu 🇺🇦 (@tobyhardtospell) December 14, 2023

wingstop shamefully moving a little further from the scores after every loss 😭 pic.twitter.com/5qIpsDigAN
— Molly Morrison (@mollyhannahm) December 14, 2023

I love the way draymond explains incidents like they happened when he was in his werewolf form https://t.co/sunAFO6MxR
— jason concepcion (@netw3rk) December 13, 2023

Draymond Green has as many suspensions this season as the Pistons have wins.
— Dave DuFour 🐲 (@DaveDuFourNBA) December 14, 2023

here's the video. that this is all a complete misunderstanding is v funny. https://t.co/Zr1pl4YXbW pic.twitter.com/d7nuQ5rz5z
— Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) December 14, 2023

December 14

They hired muscle after the Giannis incident like they're in the middle of a gang war. This league is so unserious lol. https://t.co/UBiEOT2xpv
— Israel (@iohandles) December 14, 2023

[santa checking his list]: alright, good to go

[santa checking it twice]: oh wait no this kid sucks
— kevin mulharin (@kevinmulharin) December 14, 2023

i recapped game ball-gate for those of you that might have missed it pic.twitter.com/tsnLH9BKKI
— Molly Morrison (@mollyhannahm) December 14, 2023

Jessica: Comer has a shell company that he shares with a campaign donor… His wife is also co-owner and it is masking, of course the fact that he owns more lands than goes on his financial disclosure forms pic.twitter.com/Mt7DSBauVA
— Acyn (@Acyn) December 14, 2023

This is like a Tim and Eric sketch https://t.co/cjQwrcfzh2
— Ed Zitron (@edzitron) December 14, 2023

"You get nervous talking on the phone? Men used to go to war" Yeah and they didn't have to talk on the phone there
— I'm nice and normal (@InternetHippo) December 14, 2023

Ford to bring alcohol to corner stores in 2026, in bid to get Ontario drunk enough to re-elect himhttps://t.co/a4zulHCLFj #onpoli pic.twitter.com/e5fFq9xjpy
— The Beaverton (@TheBeaverton) December 14, 2023

I wish he cared about anything of actual and urgent importance as much as he cares about being able to buy beer in as many places as fucking possible https://t.co/rUI6WGK8Wg
— Niko Stratis (@nikostratis) December 14, 2023

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 15, 2023

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