No more Mr. Nice Guy, Airbnb needs to die, having to try or not try, an epic sigh, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

December 9

Kicked out of art school?? Mans really following in his idols footsteps 😭 https://t.co/5FQSJy4Dys
— Fowly (@fowlytweets) December 10, 2022

BRO. my child's been telling people at her school she's Republican because I'm Republican?????? NO BABY. mami's from la República Dominicana 🇩🇴 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Jesus 😩😩not the same thing😩😩😩😩
— Low Hemoglobin Mami 🍒 (@geesweetyeeks) December 9, 2022

I dk why everyone is so upset. I love Kirsten Cinema pic.twitter.com/FWBtYU8aRe
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) December 9, 2022

pic.twitter.com/o24gPKhyeT
— Scott Tobias (@scott_tobias) December 9, 2022

Babe, don't forget to put the biblically accurate angel atop the tree pic.twitter.com/8zZuRtXy0C
— ❄️🎄On the Feast of Stephen (Hopkins)☃️❄️ (@phil_lol_ogist) December 9, 2022

You know Dasher and Dancer And Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid And Donner and Blitzen
But they were all of them deceived
for another reindeer was made
— JRR Ho Ho Hokien 🗡️🏹🪓 (@joshcarlosjosh) December 9, 2022

any additions pic.twitter.com/TAlw3QuR5Z
— fiona apples cigarette (@fionascigarette) December 9, 2022

imagine being a wasp and waking up to this shit 😤 https://t.co/caH5VMKwOn
— milo edwards (@Milo_Edwards) December 9, 2022

Airbnb needs to die lol pic.twitter.com/Ax1JfJPWin
— B (@BrendanLLM) December 9, 2022

I'm not the girl you'll marry. I'm the girl you'll be glad you didn't marry while you make fun of my weird social media posts with your hot normal wife https://t.co/4sdlMRwC50
— rayne fisher-quann (@raynefq) December 9, 2022

Best thing I've seen at the World Cup so far pic.twitter.com/wTB6SyzPLI
— Gecko🦋❤ (@AcevenGecko) December 9, 2022

look at this for a second pic.twitter.com/Z6k74Xvr3M
— thomas. (@handsome_pal) December 10, 2022

Being assigned to review this movie is a death sentence https://t.co/l4iHU2CdEf
— Brandon Streussnig (@BrndnStrssng) December 10, 2022

 
December 10

Imagine you leave work all excited to go tell friends you saw Britney Spears at work and then just before bed you're scrolling on Instagram. Come across this post of hers and excitedly read it and it's this. Lmao. pic.twitter.com/llfO8Ibs4S
— Cam (@justcameron) December 10, 2022

watching moonstruck for the first time and really enjoying this movie's thesis of 'italians are weird about the moon'
— rax 'leads with her crotch' king (@RaxKingIsDead) December 10, 2022

In WWI, during Christmas, we stopped fighting the Germans to play football. I'm not a big sports guy, so that would have been my nightmare. I would have DEMANDED we get back to shooting.
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) December 10, 2022

This pigeon comes every day to visit this cat, and this is what happens...🕊️🐈😍 pic.twitter.com/lr7OQw4lgN
— 𝕐o̴g̴ (@Yoda4ever) December 10, 2022

It doesn't make sense that April Wine is from Halifax and Stan Rogers is from Hamilton
— ben stager (@bennnnst) December 10, 2022

Although I've sworn off of using Twitter, my heart was broken when @elonmusk said he'd clean out inactive accounts. It means disappearing my beloved deceased son @hunterlurie. I am asking all of you to please, in unity, to follow his account. Here's his most popular tweet... pic.twitter.com/X0CK8g55th
— Rod Lurie (@RodLurie) December 10, 2022

You can tell how old somebody is by what name they call @Diddy. It's like counting rings on a tree trunk.
— Stop Camel🐪 Flu 😷 (@fancytomboy) December 10, 2022

(chuckling) no, mr. grinch…i expect you to die
— skip intro (@chuchugoogoo) December 10, 2022

Vince Guaraldi: [creates a timeless work of art that endures for over half a century and turns millions of people on to jazz]

Pitchfork: "Hmmm...8.3!" pic.twitter.com/ExM9wzliTC
— Brian Bonelli (@TheBrianBonelli) December 10, 2022

 
December 11

tried to uber eats her favorite food and this happened pic.twitter.com/CDWjP4G0wM
— Doc (@ayedocc) December 11, 2022

my roommate just sent her 5 year old daughter to her room bc she was acting up at the dinner table. she walks into her room crying and I swear on everything this girl picks up a harmonica and starts playin the shit out of it like damn she really got the blues huh
— exboyfriend (@baby_snoozy) December 12, 2022

A second turtledove has hit the pear tree pic.twitter.com/k8sKdLXwKk
— Robert Manchild 🏳️‍⚧️ (@RobertManchild) December 11, 2022

When your kitten thinks he's a dog...🐈🐾🐶🗣️😂😂

Sound Up..🔊🔛 pic.twitter.com/MQZCtvEgdP
— 𝕐o̴g̴ (@Yoda4ever) December 11, 2022

Shout out to those weird ass folks who go to sporting events and wear gear for a team that ain't even playing and whatnot.
— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) December 12, 2022

Thinking about when Tim Hardaway Jr called a ref safe instead of playing defense while Spike Lee hit a T pose courtside pic.twitter.com/wjQpSZCg3U
— 𝑪𝒐𝒏𝒆 🌩 (@Three_Cone) December 11, 2022

a reminder since christmas is coming up… 💯 pic.twitter.com/tca10gJkpT
— daily aquatic lovelies ༚.° (@aqualuvsuotd) December 12, 2022

"My pronouns are" is the hackiest joke format since doing an Austin Powers impression in the office break room
— Christopher Miller (@chrizmillr) December 11, 2022

Nothing can ever top this. I'm retiring now. https://t.co/7qamIyUtpL
— @realSarahPolley (she/her) (@realsarahpolley) December 12, 2022

please stop tweeting about things i don't understand. i am your audience, respect me
— sarah hagi (@KindaHagi) December 11, 2022

December 12

when i was 12 i really wanted to go to a vampire weekend concert and my mom was like "a whole weekend of vampires? doesnt sound appropriate for a girl your age" and then i showed her a music video and she was like "oh they remind me of the wiggles. ok u can go."
— misha (@ravepuppy_) December 13, 2022

me (insane) talking to my friend (also insane): ur not insane. and neither am i
— caila (@HEARTAVl) December 13, 2022

Y'all was scared the vaccine had a microchip in it but paying to give your face to that AI app. Idk man
— J. (@MyLifeAsJ) December 12, 2022

BDSM is impossible to take seriously. It's literally looney tunes sex — Tying each other up and hitting each other with sticks etc. Come on
— Balls Nuts (@dogfightin) December 12, 2022

i will not sleep until i find out what they were trying to say here https://t.co/nGq0CpapjK
— hey man nice tweet (@jazz_inmypants) December 13, 2022

Miss Teen USA 2007 - South Carolina answers a question pic.twitter.com/DtmhMySMwl
— Historic Vids (@historyinmemes) December 13, 2022

It's just so stunning the entire constitutional order was almost eviscerated by people who call martial law Marshall Law.
— Rachel Bitecofer 📈🔭🇺🇲🇺🇦 (@RachelBitecofer) December 13, 2022

Almost no public health measures remain in place, yet more people are in hospital with COVID-19 in Alberta now than last year. CTV News Edmonton asked experts why that could be. https://t.co/pKGLQufifS
— CBC Pitchbot (Satire) (@CBCPitchbot) December 13, 2022

Credit where credit is due. This update is pretty good. pic.twitter.com/ErSHWna4jj
— fred | فريد (@FreddieCampion) December 12, 2022

elon musk getting boo'ed by thousands of people at dave chappelle's show last night… a little treat to start your week pic.twitter.com/QRHnOwyGG5
— matt (@mattxiv) December 12, 2022

How do you fuck up 3 words this badly https://t.co/4r65M8FccW
— Emoji Caresser (@LizRummy) December 12, 2022

That was the final humiliation of Dave Chapelle. This is a man who famously stopped doing the show because he didn't want to be a clown and 20 years of people screaming "I'm rich bitch" at him on the street later, an apartheid nepotism case does it and he has to pretend it rocks
— Paul Blest (@pblest) December 12, 2022

Dave Chappelle when the crowd started booing Elon pic.twitter.com/231UQz6wQo
— David Dennis Jr. (@DavidDTSS) December 12, 2022

 
December 13

the elon getting booed video is so funny bc he is genuinely stunned and confused like he cannot comprehend that people for real do not like him. no one in his entire life disagrees with him or he fires them so he's been able to actually convince himself it's "twitter leftists"
— cait (@punished_cait) December 13, 2022

The first person to ever boo had so much hate in their heart. I could only wish to be that hateful one day
— where are the visuals (@dom__dotty) December 13, 2022

message for my loud neighbors pic.twitter.com/GWEWCygEBM
— Jack Bensinger (@JackBensinger) December 13, 2022

pic.twitter.com/T0Fxay5y3w
— internet hall of fame (@InternetH0F) December 13, 2022

holy infant so tender and mild implies the existence of a cursed infant so chewy and spicy
— Stacy's Dark Queery Tales (@DarkLiterata) December 13, 2022

I want to experience Toronto sometime. Its bright lights, Its cactus clubs and its Boston Pizzas
— Stephen Magusiak (@Magusiak) December 13, 2022

Every time I date a guy I end up accidentally giving my friends a new enemy
— bitsy von muffling (@DoctorPissPants) December 14, 2022

haaate that u either have to try (humiliating) or not try (devastating)
— amelia elizalde (@ameliaelizalde) December 14, 2022

You're supposed to https://t.co/oupAjXCNRq
— The Jay Agenda 12/2/22 Union Hall (@JayJurden) December 13, 2022

BREAKING: According to a new Netflix press release, WEDNESDAY has been viewed to completion at least 15 times by every man, woman, and child on the planet. Some dogs, too. The total is 700 trillion hours of viewing time. Also, WEDNESDAY has been canceled, effective immediately.
— Scott Wampler™ (@ScottWamplerRIP) December 13, 2022

 
December 14

wild back to back tweets. pic.twitter.com/o1uOIAP4QD
— rat king 🐀 (@MikeIsaac) December 15, 2022

Yo wtf is Donald Duck saying? His voice sounds like shit
— Chris Locke (@chrislockeworld) December 14, 2022

😭😭😭 been waiting. pic.twitter.com/k0wYd0gGqv
— 🇾🇪Sha TheGREAT🇬🇾 (@MemoirsOfGaySHA) December 15, 2022

thinking about this pic.twitter.com/F82bUBYYV9
— The Notorious J.O.V. (@whotfisjovana) December 15, 2022

Lol look at this dipshit I saw on the street pic.twitter.com/7qwsZffULj
— Jesse (@RequiemArm) December 14, 2022

She always poses like shes trying to parallel park https://t.co/230e6LBqTS
— Aol.com (@lukasbattle) December 14, 2022

LOVE to pull the string to tell the bus to stop. one of the few things they haven't turned into an app
— charlie (@chunkbardey) December 15, 2022

I'm truly gutted after receiving devastating news today.

It's been 7 years since my double mastectomy and today I met with my plastic surgeon about breast reconstruction. He gave me the awful news that he cannot make my boobs emit a clown horn sound when they're squeezed.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) December 15, 2022

in 3rd grade we had a prison guard do a "scared straight" speech and we asked what the prisoners ate. he said "nothing good—mcdonald's burgers" and when he saw our faces light up, he said "ya but imagine that 3 times a week…"
that was when he lost control of the room
— Bobby C (@Bobby_Condon) December 15, 2022

All our parents got divorced because they weren't sending each other little animal pictures and stuff
— helena (@freshhel) December 15, 2022

My friend went to an engagement and the groom messaged her afterwards that she looked the prettiest 🤡🤡🤡
— Maamoor (@maamoor_irfan) December 14, 2022

This is old data from Elon's jet, so it's ok to share. https://t.co/DaiMsP3xDf pic.twitter.com/eqF2m72yYo
— Keith Edwards (@keithedwards) December 15, 2022

 
December 15

Elon Musk suspending the Elon-Flight-Tracker account and immediately flying to Epstein island is the funniest shit ever. It's like something out of a South Park episode
— Xavier's Online (@xaviersonline) December 15, 2022

Why should I have to change platforms, he's the one who sucks.
— fairytale of new prague (@RandBallsStu) December 16, 2022

LMFAO I wouldn't pay 99 cents for this, let alone $99 dollars pic.twitter.com/95Eo3rvEXD
— BrooklynDad_Defiant!☮️ (@mmpadellan) December 15, 2022

He is risen. pic.twitter.com/2EpX8sTQij
— Jon Cryer (@MrJonCryer) December 15, 2022

In high school I asked my French teacher. What is the word for a Bigfoot type cryptid was in French and she very quickly said, "the French have no concept of this."
— Danya™ (@fineanddanya) December 15, 2022

My parents and I live in the same city and hire the same cleaning person and this morning she told me that my dog understands Spanish but my parents' dog does not.
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) December 15, 2022

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 16, 2022

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