Even sad people get Spotify wrapped, Hailey gets trapped, if the Star Wars characters' origins were mapped, the President flushes 15 times after he's crapped and much more from this week in funny tweets.

November 30

what kind of asshole owns a mountain https://t.co/T5sZNaMD4i
— myrrhological disaster (@bushido_thot) November 30, 2019

We give boomers too much slack when it comes to learning computers. You've had thirty-two years to figure this shit out
— admiral ron of public access tv (@ronnyravegan) November 30, 2019

peter parker selling spider man pictures was basically his premium snapchat
— Luis Vercetti (@97Vercetti) December 1, 2019

she's posted 5 pictures of Baby Yoda and 0 pictures of you. You've been together for 6 months.
— Chase (@chaselyons) November 30, 2019

I still think about this and laugh, every single day. https://t.co/4owdnOtNiS
— Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) December 1, 2019

James Harden learns from jumbotron he just got taken out two points from his career high pic.twitter.com/N2dwDMDNrn
— Giannis Wobtetokounmpo (@WorldWideWob) December 1, 2019

December 1

I don't care if my girl look like a potato. That's my ride or fry.
— ᴊᴜɪᴄᴇ (@Thatbulljuice) December 1, 2019

This is my #TwitterMomentsOfTheDecade nomination pic.twitter.com/KfRJDYdirr
— Patt Matricia (@BigNickMerriman) December 2, 2019

I still can't believe this happened... pic.twitter.com/IsadFyw3KJ
— Brooke Thomas (@BrookeOnAir) December 2, 2019

you live there now Kaylee pic.twitter.com/tcZos2xzyg
— BUM CHILLUPS (@edsbs) December 1, 2019

I HATE MYSELF https://t.co/ydKeAVPqLl
— Hailey King (@its_my_KINGdom) December 1, 2019

*walks in*

barber: say no more https://t.co/B1fz59EhBs
— Swavey Vic (@SWAVEYVlC) December 2, 2019

I love having sex or playing basketball with you my great friend https://t.co/IGXI20Tw8r
— looking for CoD teammates on Raya (@ByYourLogic) December 2, 2019

"Are you in the right headspace to receive information that could possibly hurt you?" pic.twitter.com/u6ajsOGeJN
— Alex Jacobs (@alexnjacobs) December 2, 2019

December 2

how do we make these tweets stop this must end https://t.co/5p5PHKbK0M
— jordan (@JordanUhl) December 2, 2019

Amazon doing their taxes pic.twitter.com/1AxdTDEb0z
— Nick Turner (@NicksTurners) December 2, 2019

Cyber Monday sounds like a Bond girl from 1968.
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) December 2, 2019

the human seems to think. only one of us can fit on a chair. but what they always fail to consider. is if we were stacked on top of each other
— Thoughts of Dog (@dog_feelings) December 3, 2019

"Nah." - everyone with an office job, from the Monday after Thanksgiving until January 2nd
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) December 2, 2019

This is a very weird way to frame a devastating food shortage https://t.co/FzsZkFmDbm
— Big Structural Beetle Bailey (@twogenevdabs) December 3, 2019

Tom Brady was particularly affected by the Patriots' loss #tombrady pic.twitter.com/rb0ZIeqgpH
— Bad Lip Reading (@BadLipReading) December 2, 2019

I'm crying Kanye is torturing them lmaooooooooo https://t.co/lShfquZsqW
— bolu babalola (@BeeBabs) December 2, 2019

I watched The Irishman with my parents. My dad was silent the whole time except when De Niro's truck broke down and he said, "must be the transmission." He didn't say anything else for the rest of the movie
— Ryan Schumaker (@YesThisIsRyan) December 2, 2019

the man lives in a pineapple under the seas, has a snail that meows and you're worried about the architectural accuracy of his house... https://t.co/GPyi888DrG
— kay🌸 (@sIuttykayIa) December 3, 2019

when my husband gets me a Peleton for Christmas ........ pic.twitter.com/Z2d3ewMhPu
— Eva Victor (@evaandheriud) December 2, 2019

Apparently Billie Eilish doesn't know who Van Halen are. It's a long shot, but I wonder if there are any righteous middle-aged men available online to respond to this.
— A Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) December 2, 2019

[as a lawyer]

me: "permission to approach the bench, your honor"

judge: "granted"

me, whispering: "are you mad at me?"
— F. Thot Bitchgerald (@MyDadIsOld) December 3, 2019

December 3

TRUMP: "I don't know Prince Andrew, but it's a tough story. It's a very tough story. I don't know him, no."

FOX NEWS: Immediately cuts to a photo of Prince Andrew, Melania, and Trump hanging out together at Mar-a-Lago during a party that Jeffrey Epstein also attended. pic.twitter.com/zBIfDBSFXN
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) December 3, 2019

are you in the right headspace to receive a milkshake that could possibly bring the boys to the yard
— eric curtin (@dubstep4dads) December 3, 2019

asians this is our black panther 😍 https://t.co/lBAbA2TtcP
— megan (@littlestwayne) December 3, 2019

if i was billie eilish i would tweet who the fuck are the beatles and turn off my phone
— alicia (@nerdjpg) December 3, 2019

Slint, SPIDERLAND (1991) pic.twitter.com/WUsare0zps
— Steven Hyden (@Steven_Hyden) December 3, 2019

British people guess how much health care costs in the US — and they are shocked. pic.twitter.com/dkRzFRYoJD
— Waleed Shahid (@_waleedshahid) December 3, 2019

Never ever tell yourself "my idea isn't good enough." The entire premise of Marmaduke is "what if a dog was big" and that shit has been going for 60 goddamn years
— Alex Hirsch (@_AlexHirsch) December 3, 2019

December 4

This lady leaves out drinks and snacks for delivery people during the festive period and I can't get over this amazon delivery drivers reaction pic.twitter.com/RBXTsKxyjd
— yasmine (@flowerhunni) December 4, 2019

seeing everyones spotify wrapped: wow im not all that interested
me posting my spotify wrapped: everyone will enjoy this from me, the protagonist of life
— Melanie Bracewell (@meladoodle) December 5, 2019

you've heard of Elf on the Shelf, now get ready for pic.twitter.com/f1xhFowxsM
— the thicc husband & father (@lukeisamazing) December 5, 2019

Patriarchy makes you think a woman who's being cheated on is a clown and not the ain't shit man. Lol. https://t.co/imscj64H8W
— Nnu Ego, The Daughter Of Nwokocha Agbadi (@Ethereal_ilo) December 4, 2019

Garfield comic pic.twitter.com/xKa0hjuLOv
— pixelated boat aka "mr tweets" (@pixelatedboat) December 4, 2019

December 5

Me: my tooth hurts when I suck

Dentist: so you're in constant pain
— clean slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) December 5, 2019

bro they got legal weed and 4 day school weeks? wow what a state https://t.co/RdwRW3DFoa
— kay🌸 (@sIuttykayIa) December 6, 2019

Whew, child. Nancy Pelosi let the Baltimore come out today, 💀pic.twitter.com/EjI2t4TmII
— this is a whites only primary (@notcapnamerica) December 5, 2019

every city has a "guy" they all know about. you can visit a friend in their town and see a man dressed in robes, riding a horse & your friend will go "oh yeah haha that's horseback jesus" and then that's just the end of the explanation.
— 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐛 (@calebsaysthings) December 5, 2019

No it isn't dipshit pic.twitter.com/YJrw49xusc
— jack allison (@jackallisonLOL) December 5, 2019

My Spotify 2019 thing just set up an appointment with my therapist for me.
— Jordan Foisy (@JordanFoisy) December 6, 2019

Christmas Movie Idea: to make a sick child's dream come true, Santa must kill one Property Brother.
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) December 5, 2019

I saw a girl post her Spotify top artists on her Instagram story with the caption "so accurate". Like yeah it's accurate... it's literally data
— 🤠 (@manster_mash) December 5, 2019

ok thanks Spotify pic.twitter.com/R81t2MWyIJ
— Maggie? Winters? (@saggiesplinters) December 5, 2019

is someone forcing you guys to post your spotify things
— jesse (@_jorts_) December 5, 2019

this is it. this is the end of twitter. pic.twitter.com/if1s6lI7nW
— Tony Webster (@webster) December 6, 2019

This commentary is spot-on... pic.twitter.com/zKXfN0skGh
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) December 5, 2019

Imagine if Instagram released a year review like Spotify of what accounts you spent the most time stalking. Yeah no thank you but like imagine
— Gråçë (@graciecovz) December 5, 2019

December 6

Under Gingrich's leadership in 1998, the House voted to impeach Bill Clinton six days before Christmas. https://t.co/lALzmiVM4C
— Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) December 6, 2019

I don't even know who to blame anymore pic.twitter.com/9VcBxCvk6M
— Hi it's Matt Collins (@mitchberghini) December 7, 2019

um EVERYONE in Star Wars is technically an alien. For all you know Luke has two stomachs and a corkscrew peen
— Chip Zdarsky (@zdarsky) December 6, 2019

Abridged version of Trump's monologue during a small-business roundtable at the White House this afternoon. Actual quotes. pic.twitter.com/TFUvapKXCL
— Dan Zak (@MrDanZak) December 6, 2019

I will never be able to wrap my head around the fact we have the absolute dumbest motherfucker on the planet as the president https://t.co/BZSJzNLwiN
— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) December 6, 2019

If my employer ever thanks the cops for murdering me on the job feel free to throw a brick through their window https://t.co/gTNnLO1oOF
— chris p (@akacrispy) December 6, 2019

ur in her dm's, i'm in her spotify wrapped as her artist of the decade we are not the same
— Kehlani (@Kehlani) December 6, 2019

If we wind up with Joe Biden running against Donald Trump, I say we put them both on stage and whichever one can reset the clock on a VCR after a power outage gets to be president.
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) December 6, 2019

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 6, 2019

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