Under the missile toad, the Apple code, bring back Jan mode, why Noelle hit the road, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

December 2

God creating December: pic.twitter.com/vEOHClzfSO
— Steven Bonaventure x (@absolutegazelle) December 2, 2022

I asked AI to render Wes Anderson's The Shining pic.twitter.com/i2SfSldEaS
— Reconsidering Cinema (@coenesqued2) December 2, 2022

The other reindeer describing Rudolph

pic.twitter.com/RoL4MoVsBV
— Dave McNamee Has $8 (@DaveMcNamee3000) December 2, 2022

When I saw The Dark Knight, someone yelled "NOOO!" when Batman did this pic.twitter.com/6mzO8i01e2
— Ben Crew (@BenjaminCrew1) December 2, 2022

pic.twitter.com/UJMLc5nEF1
— Tweets of Cats (@TweetsOfCats) December 2, 2022

popsicle not seeing heaven 😭 pic.twitter.com/AVnMV4hL1l
— αηgεℓα вαssεтт sтαη αccσυηт (@heyyitsjanea) December 2, 2022

that time megan fox accidentally ignored a boy giving her a rose, then after she saw the pictures she flew him out to meet her (2009) pic.twitter.com/1pBIYCgK3p
— popcultureangel (@lohanisgod) December 2, 2022

I'd watch this in theaters, no question. Call it Twolidge or something https://t.co/w17q1PjJcx
— Mr. Chau (@Srirachachau) December 2, 2022

Can't believe it's been two years already https://t.co/euf5HSHGis
— Joanna Ellis (@dr_joanna_ellis) December 3, 2022

Now THIS is a headline pic.twitter.com/iI9Rrg1JWJ
— James Ray ☭ (@GoodVibePolitik) December 2, 2022

Haha, definitely. Hey, does anyone know what happened to the Spartans in 300 at the end? I never finished the movie. pic.twitter.com/6lEXemnZxV
— PolarJohan (@PolarJohan15) December 2, 2022

Yes. https://t.co/vPYElN31lN
— steve albini (@electricalWSOP) December 3, 2022

Bill Burr on Kanye back in 2017…🎯! pic.twitter.com/hHnPBFkEUN
— Wu-Tang is for the Children (@WUTangKids) December 2, 2022

i'd like to put forward this tiktok as a contender for Top 10 Funniest Videos Of 2022 pic.twitter.com/2nEYNUtyWM
— LeSubstack Triller Moth (@legotrillermoth) December 2, 2022

December 3

bro casually dropped this as if its not the best breaking bad edit ive ever seen in my life pic.twitter.com/OZ9ifjGsoV
— duck (@ExtremeBlitz__) December 3, 2022

so much of modern conservatism is getting mad at things capitalists do but calling it marxism
— Shaun (@shaun_vids) December 3, 2022

zero bad bitches hitting my line this week..mercury must be in gatorade 🤣

ⓘ 𝗞𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘀
All Gatorade beverages have been within acceptable mercury levels since the US Food and Drug Administration reclassed Gatorade as seafood in August 2015.
— gale na (@poisonjr) December 3, 2022

Thinking about that time Nick Fuentes got extremely mad and confused when he opened a burger upside down. pic.twitter.com/cJRS6F8Tmx
— Beef Biggers, Esq, PhD. (@AssBoss80085) December 3, 2022

Hitler learning that his most vocal supporters in 2022 are a latino virgin and a black rapper. pic.twitter.com/cvIcMMyVGJ
— ᐱ ᑎ ᑐ ᒋ ᕮ ᒍ (imposter) (@Andr3jH) December 3, 2022

American social safety net: pic.twitter.com/xekwHC7zX5
— Yell in a War (@jelenawoehr) December 4, 2022

LinkedIn really flies under the radar as the social media platform that's absolutely the most unhinged pic.twitter.com/AipbVD81h2
— Emily Murnane (@emily_murnane) December 3, 2022

pic.twitter.com/usoucYNJDY
— Respectful Memes (@RespectfulMemes) December 3, 2022

And do what? https://t.co/otK8I0mvpI
— Chris Meloni (@Chris_Meloni) December 4, 2022

You've heard elf on the shelf. Now get ready for pic.twitter.com/gu2479FDfv
— Kevin Finnerty (@timeimmemorial_) December 3, 2022

he deleted but I love everything about this pic.twitter.com/XJisPe9HR2
— Sergio (@salobonavia) December 3, 2022

well we're still the best in the world at the version of football we invented where you have to run around in motorcycle helmets that almost no one else in the world wants to play
— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) December 3, 2022

This is why I get so confused when y'all go on and on about how society doesn't allow men be emotional. It is so unbelievably false. It is women who are punished for emotions, it is women who get told that we can't do or be certain things because we're "too emotional" https://t.co/aADYY7Tn9H
— Dami (@onosowobo) December 4, 2022

December 4

I Photoshop paddington into a movie, game, or TV show until I forget: Day 635 pic.twitter.com/cPtOtvMA7S
— Jaythechou (@jaythechou) December 4, 2022

The Receptionist at the dentist office will look u dead in the eye and ask if ur available 4 months and 13 days from now
— Qadi (@BigQadi) December 5, 2022

I got an email with "F/U" as the subject line.

Apparently they want to "follow up".

I urge you to reconsider this notation.
— Tressie McMillan Cottom (@tressiemcphd) December 5, 2022

they're actually called trees mate https://t.co/Ycs0IkgRmv
— Scott Chegg (@buckfastbadlad) December 4, 2022

Gotta make sure you're comfortable pic.twitter.com/4VPj8caq8F
— Lance🇱🇨 (@BornAKang) December 4, 2022

This is where they found Saddam Hussein https://t.co/9blZLBfJgU
— Charles J. Moore (@charles270) December 5, 2022

"Florida is where woke goes to die," DeSantis said after his reelection victory last month.

Last week, a federal judge asked his general counsel to define "woke."

He answered woke is "the belief there are systemic injustices in American society and the need to address them."
— Daniel Uhlfelder (@DWUhlfelderLaw) December 5, 2022

the prized collection pic.twitter.com/lxmXhD2BFe
— Dont Show Your Cat (@DontShowYourCat) December 4, 2022

who's the worst person you've ever met and why is it the boyfriend you had when you were 19
— kendaddy (@lildumbassseal) December 5, 2022

i will do for young Black girls what kristen stewart and aubrey plaza did for the deadpan, low energy, quietly chaotic white girl community
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) December 5, 2022

My partner & I practice unethical nonmonogamy. He pays off his little string of harlots to ensure they don't sell their stories to the papers, while I carry on a passionate affair with a haunted but dashing private eye. We are both irredeemable & it is always raining
— Eleanor Fye 🔥|| video editor 🏴🏳️‍🌈🐈‍⬛ (@fyefyefyefye) December 4, 2022

Now this one is gonna cause fights pic.twitter.com/K3o7oB4rWs
— Classical Studies Memes for Hellenistic Teens (@CSMFHT) December 5, 2022

re-branding "not knowing how to drive" into "climate activism"
— Lori Berenberg (@loriberenberg) December 5, 2022

December 5

TBH, this seems worse than having the road blocked by climate activists for a few minutes.pic.twitter.com/XsNvHfSl29
— David Ho (@_david_ho_) December 5, 2022

Dawg the way white people curse be HILARIOUS. My coworker just got an update on his phone and It changed his background. This man said "now why in the wide world of fucks would it do that?" LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
— Boobie (@BuddyNoLove) December 5, 2022

Bring back movies where the actors deliver lines like this pic.twitter.com/Lok2Kvwsdy
— Ben Crew (@BenjaminCrew1) December 5, 2022

Taking a god-tier brand name associated with elite programming and replacing it with an un-Google-able mush word. Branding malpractice. https://t.co/3P4TUIPy6b
— Mark Gongloff (@markgongloff) December 5, 2022

everyone I know with an IUD: love it! best decision of my life. also the insertion hurt so much that I passed out and saw god
— Sarah Lazarus (@sarahclazarus) December 6, 2022

I don't understand how COVID is spiking again after we've tried everything from pretending it's over to pretending it never happened
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) December 6, 2022

never thought about it this way https://t.co/loxsI66wvU
— caleb hearon (@calebsaysthings) December 5, 2022

begging any politician in Canada to read a book pic.twitter.com/cPEBZ7aLZt
— Ted McCoy 🖖 (@tedmccoy) December 5, 2022

Mayors everywhere pic.twitter.com/lMsE2Z0d9j
— Anarchopology (@Anarchopology) December 5, 2022

(watching arrested development for the 500th time) oh because they're developers who got arrested
— Holiday Hannah🎄 (@hannahposts) December 6, 2022

... batman? pic.twitter.com/mngXN03urR
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) December 5, 2022

"you wanna know how i got these scars?" pic.twitter.com/785ipZS9Ju
— hi, i'm cory 👋🏾 (@burncoryburn) December 5, 2022

A friend told me an amazing story over the weekend of how she'd been with a group of mostly young people, discussing the most famous person they'd shagged.

When they got to the very end of the table, a woman in her 70s looked up and said quietly: 'Elvis'.
— Anna Mazzola (@Anna_Mazz) December 5, 2022

Let us transcend the "POC" vs "BIPOC" debate altogether with a new acronym. I propose Latinx, Asian, Black, Indigenous, and Arab, or LABIA.
— Takeo Rivera 🐋🐈📚 (@TakeoRiveraPhD) December 5, 2022

So why is she facetiming him https://t.co/mR9ODFTkAD
— temperance (@morningliker) December 6, 2022

December 6

This is the best thing Apple has ever done pic.twitter.com/NuozqqyA2g
— Qadi (@BigQadi) December 6, 2022

pic.twitter.com/Fiued1Xso3
— No Context Brits (@NoContextBrits) December 6, 2022

'The captain has turned the seatbelt sign on'
He's a big boy. Let him tell us
— Nathan Macintosh (@Nathanmacintosh) December 6, 2022

Overheard my 11 y/o daughter record her voicemail greeting: "Hi, you've reached my voicemail. When you hear the beep, hang up and send me a text." This generation gets it.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) December 6, 2022

I wish people didn't think silence was awkward and just enjoy it. Not every space has to be filled with words.
— introverts memes (@introvertsmemes) December 6, 2022

Big Black- Songs About Fucking (1987) pic.twitter.com/I94cxYoCON
— Simpsons Albums (@SimpsonsAlbums) December 6, 2022

Just found out husband has been getting toddler to listen to Tom Waits by telling him it's the Cookie Monster
— Kate Havard Rozansky (@KateHavard) December 5, 2022

TOP 10 MISTAKES IN DISNEY'S ENCANTO

1. Dolores appears two different times in the same shot. This is proof that Disney doesn't care about making good movies and everyone involved in this movie should be FIRED pic.twitter.com/ixEkPC5cFi
— Goro Akechi Enjoyer (@Schaffrillas) December 6, 2022

I think what we need to do is get every actor in the world together to film one big movie. The final movie
— April Clark (@autogynefiles) December 7, 2022

I'm not at all sure NASA has thought this through pic.twitter.com/KD4BspGhMw
— Rebecca Fachner (@rebecca_fachner) December 6, 2022

youve heard of elf on a shelf, now get ready for – oh, wait, you havent heard of elf on a shelf? no problem. i can explain if you have the time. awesome. so are you familiar with bentham's panopticon?
— zach silberberg (@zachsilberberg) December 6, 2022

Holy shit. January 6 police officers and their families skip Mitch McConnell as he tries to shake their hands. (h/t @acyn) pic.twitter.com/Uc7mSHxC9s
— No Lie with Brian Tyler Cohen (@NoLieWithBTC) December 6, 2022

I bet they asked Herschel Walker if he was ready to make his concession speech, and he said, "Yes, two hot dogs please."

Congratulations @ReverendWarnock
Thank you GA!🙌🏾
— Wanda Sykes (@iamwandasykes) December 7, 2022

Someday we're going to have an election that isn't good guy 50%, person who sets puppies on fire 49%.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) December 7, 2022

Y'all acting like you've never seen a 76 year old criminal run a fraudulent company, cheat on his taxes, become POTUS and then try and terminate the Constitution while painted orange wearing a diaper & girdle, shoe lifts and a dead ferret on his head get found guilty before.
— NoelCaslerComedy🌙 (@caslernoel) December 6, 2022

wait till they find out that Fauci himself worked in the Trump Administration. pic.twitter.com/LJZtomovbS
— farhad manjoo (@fmanjoo) December 7, 2022

watching the 1980s satanic panic return in full form is pretty surreal pic.twitter.com/VdVVwQBQkq
— matt (@mattxiv) December 7, 2022

December 7

Absolutely shrieking over QAnon discovering the Beatles pic.twitter.com/nBn9L9VRz1
— LeiHouse Of Horror IV (@leilaclaire) December 7, 2022

Oh good Jennifer Lawrence said something offhand, let's have three days of misogyny as a treat
— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) December 8, 2022

cannot stop laughing at this pic.twitter.com/Uge1XFrqZl
— Bradford Pearson (@BradfordPearson) December 7, 2022

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything please let me know 🙏
— Liv :P (@liv_username) December 7, 2022

How to dress for a high-stakes Christmas job interview. A thread 🧵: pic.twitter.com/Pyhknxtpr9
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) December 7, 2022

My kid wanted to use her $2 to buy an iPad and I told her it's not enough money and she said "well you bought a whole house when you didn't have enough money" and now she's grounded until I can think of a comeback
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) December 7, 2022

glad the old broad died so we could get goth money https://t.co/TfxDCEZ7yk
— élie (@blueyodel69) December 7, 2022

A pessimist see the glass as half empty but the optometrist helps him see it better.
— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) December 8, 2022

losing my mind, just offered the aisle seat to the guy sitting between me and my gf on a flight, and he said he'd rather stay in the middle seat between us
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) December 8, 2022

ppl only say "sus" because they can't spell suspishus
— IG: closedapp (@ih8rts) December 7, 2022

what if we kissed under the missile toad pic.twitter.com/AcNCL4q9nx
— Big Boy Online (6'3 215) (@idonotbleed) December 7, 2022

December 8

this is why i struggle to fully convey to americans just how bad they have it pic.twitter.com/7mqXkrsc6v
— Malkaiden@weatherishappening.network (@Malkaiden) December 8, 2022

Do not engage with any New york times platforms today in support of striking workers! If you need to read a transphobic opinion piece, please try to find something in local news or public radio instead!!
— Rajat Suresh (@rajat_suresh) December 8, 2022

My favorite tee-shirt bears a quote from John Waters: "If you go home with somebody and they don't have books, don't fuck 'em."
— Stephen King (@StephenKing) December 8, 2022

To those insisting trump would have brought Paul Whelan home, explain to me why trump didn't bring Paul Whelan home.
— Mueller, She Wrote (@MuellerSheWrote) December 8, 2022

He did it pic.twitter.com/c1jihC0iFf
— William Goodman (@goodmanw) December 8, 2022

2023 is going to be a fantastic year for dicks and assholes
— Beautiful CanLit (@ILoveCanLit) December 8, 2022

Bari Weiss and Matt Taibbi are the white Diamond and Silk.
— Norm Charlatan (@normcharlatan) December 9, 2022

not y'all pretending to care about arms dealers.

we live in the usa, babe. a war machine. the danger is here.
— delaney vandergrift (@delaneypv15) December 8, 2022

Never forget. pic.twitter.com/XgqDr4s40f
— david cross✍ (@davidcrosss) December 8, 2022

NEWS 🚨: Unidentified Oumuamua interstellar object is just now RE-ENTERING THE SOLAR SYSTEM WITH A STEEL CHAIR pic.twitter.com/LQmzm0afbY
— lindsay coagvla 🚫🤠 (@titwave) December 8, 2022

The Last Noelle written by: @nanglish @paramountplus #InsideAmySchumer @KevinKaneNY pic.twitter.com/2wKESw9sCe
— Amy Schumer (@amyschumer) December 9, 2022

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 9, 2022

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