A place for a teacher to go, seriously, where is Waldo, weird jeans in a stock photo, a giggly night for Bong Joon-ho and much more from this week in funny tweets.

February 8

Adam Sandler's outrageous and memorable acceptance speech for Best Male Lead at the Independent Film Spirit Awards (1/2) pic.twitter.com/0osA87uQJ4
— chip / uncut gems spoiler guy (@chipoffyoblock) February 9, 2020

The guy delivering statues at the Independent Spirit Awards didn't bother to put down his sandwich before coming onstage. pic.twitter.com/iNAxi2HlfW
— bunklore (@bunklore) February 8, 2020

Me to Son: why do you watch so much Wild N Out? This show is dumb.

Son to me: I watch shows that keep me in a good mood & don't stress me out. You come home & watch the news, it makes you mad & then you have an attitude for the day.

Me: currently watching Wild N Out.

🤦🏾‍♀️
— Sylvia K. Alston (@SylviaKAlston) February 8, 2020

I can't even engage with this headline until we discuss the jeans in this stock photo https://t.co/ued83nHwgW
— Olivia Messer 💀 (@OliviaMesser) February 8, 2020

February 9

"Milk is bad." - the Joker
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) February 10, 2020

tfw you drink almond milk pic.twitter.com/bJIolX2RFU
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) February 10, 2020

THE OSCAR GOES TO EMINEM'S PUBLICIST
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) February 10, 2020

My short documentary "Birds, the Fish of the Sky" did not win an Oscar. I appreciate privacy during this difficult time.
— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) February 10, 2020

when wizards from different factions convene a council because there is great turmoil in the land pic.twitter.com/TBnHZ5zDHf
— Saladin Ahmed (@saladinahmed) February 9, 2020

1989: Oscar winner plays Joker
2008: Joker player wins Oscar
2016: Oscar winner plays Joker
2019: Joker player wins Oscar
— Griffin Newman (@GriffLightning) February 10, 2020

Standing with Parasite crew, I got congratulated A LOT. Lol.
— John Cho (@JohnTheCho) February 10, 2020

Joaquin Phoenix fucked up the cow joke I wrote for him
— Mike Scully (@scullymike) February 10, 2020

Bong Joon-ho did 100% what any of us would do if we won more than one Oscar: he made them make out pic.twitter.com/br7YqVlhwF
— ames ✨ (@thisisames) February 10, 2020

Shout out to the drunk intern having a blast writing NYT Oscars captions. pic.twitter.com/X1pjCPEre6
— Heather Kelly (@heatherkelly) February 10, 2020

I'm a little sad Joan Rivers didn't live long enough to have a meltdown about how she doesn't get Billie Eilish.
— Guy Branum (@guybranum) February 9, 2020

please enjoy this gif of bong joon ho giggling at his oscar pic.twitter.com/6ErVC8NEef
— Kathryn VanArendonk (@kvanaren) February 10, 2020

February 10

Teaching my first English course this semester has been rewarding but I don't know what to do with this student pic.twitter.com/Sgn07Kaq6D
— Alexis De Wokeville (@MrAlexisPereira) February 10, 2020

Tonight. pic.twitter.com/NOtGNwRclf
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) February 10, 2020

The funny thing is though he's not joking. And he's right! https://t.co/8pvGdfHOuO
— edgarwright (@edgarwright) February 10, 2020

February 11

She's gonna disappear and come back to win a third Oscar in 10 years with both sleeves https://t.co/1pbTCcPvVA
— Alejandro (@adounce) February 11, 2020

why all the hot girls from the same country? like where even is 🏳️‍🌈?
— 🧑🏾‍🎤 (@workingoncrying) February 12, 2020

nobody:

people from ny: i live in new yawk. i have three roommates. two of dem are rats. we eat pizza fawh dinnuh every night. de rent? 4000 dollars a SECOND
— THEY/THEM (@terfhearse) February 12, 2020

approaching the 7-year anniversary of putting my stem cells in my dad's bones and growing my bone marrow there thus killing his cancer and giving me years of "he's a lesbian in his bones" jokes
— Molly Priddy (@mollypriddy) February 11, 2020

NETFLIX: Chris, we recommend a movie that did very poorly in 2016
— Chris Locke (@chrislockeworld) February 11, 2020

70% of marriage is yelling "what" from a different room.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 11, 2020

February 12

Is it me or is it hilariously satisfying to see these dudes get G checked 😂🤷🏽‍♂️ pic.twitter.com/AfYBNztc7P
— My Name is Eli (@EliSeeney) February 13, 2020

thinking of this scene in Taken 3 where we get 15 cuts to show Liam Neeson jump a fence pic.twitter.com/YPm2Cf2NWK
— TZE CHUN (@thetzechun) February 12, 2020

complaining that Wes Anderson has made another Wes Anderson movie is like being mad at a bagel for having a hole in the middle. just take my money and give me one with everything.
— david ehrlich (@davidehrlich) February 12, 2020

ME: hello

CHARACTER IN A WES ANDERSON FILM: good evening. or salutations. or perhaps it's almost goodnight, i'm sorry. i was never good with time or clocks or meaningful friendships, huh. ...do you know how to get to the *TITLE OF FILM*? *blinks thrice*

*90s FRENCH SONG PLAYS*
— Matt Buechele (@mattbooshell) February 12, 2020

true chaotic evil pic.twitter.com/areBiifx5c
— △⃒⃘ (@iatemuggles) February 12, 2020

February 13

I can never tell if I'm dehydrated, or getting sick, or suffering from allergies, or depressed, or sleep deprived, or anxious, or bored, or if this is just what life feels like.
— JONAH RAY RODRIGUES (@jonahray) February 14, 2020

Yes, men have described my breasts as "pillowy," YES it is because they occasionally leak goose feathers,
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) February 13, 2020

This Barr interview is DeNiro in Goodfellas yelling at Johnny Roastbeef for buying his wife a Cadillac after the Lufthansa heist.
— Matthew Miller (@matthewamiller) February 13, 2020

This lady on facebook said her coworker had to have a conference with her sons teacher because of a note he wrote. Y'all. Please read the note. 😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/oksT80EwKv
— Kennedy ✨ (@HelloKennedi) February 13, 2020

life comes at you fast https://t.co/UlCkqf2mDG pic.twitter.com/Co5D8iVVGL
— dissociate manager (@ericschmerick) February 13, 2020

February 14

Stages of Trump
- I didn't do it.
- The Democrats did it.
- I don't remember doing it.
- If I did do it, it's not a crime.
- Yeah I did it, bitches, and I'll do it again.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) February 14, 2020

Netflix: Are you still watching?

Me: Yes

Netflix: Ok tell me one thing that happened in the last episode

Me: What?

Netflix: The guy with the mustache, what's his name?

Me: Why are you being like this?

Netflix: *sadly* You're always on that damn phone
— the drake gatsby ❤️ (@DrakeGatsby) February 14, 2020

Good news! I learned your name today! https://t.co/ofDVqF74Oe
— James Holzhauer (@James_Holzhauer) February 14, 2020

Oh, dear lord. Stay away from the front row at Aerosmith shows. pic.twitter.com/h6ji7mZV1W
— Vic Berger IV (@VicBergerIV) February 14, 2020

rose: yes, i was on the titanic

guy: okay, where is this diamond

rose: first i'm gonna tell u about this boy

guy: can u just tell us where the-

rose: best sex of my life. easily.
— randy (@randypaint) February 14, 2020

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: February 14, 2020

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