Let him in, he said he was a comedian, the Breaking Bad twins, "Imagine," and much more from this week in funny tweets.

February 10

The United States shot down a UFO over Cumtown, Alaska today, 69 days before 4/20.

The simulation controllers are literally turning us into a meme in 2023
— Dale (@DaleFromDaFlock) February 11, 2023

1000 IQ pic.twitter.com/uDeuOVmXRI
— Dudes Posting Their W's (@DudespostingWs) February 10, 2023

Back on my bullshit (adding Twin Peaks music to Seinfeld) pic.twitter.com/NeeIq59Lj6
— Sein Peaks (@Seinpeaks) February 10, 2023

so my neighbor and i both had mouse sightings this week. here's how our landlord responded: pic.twitter.com/KXYN4seXwN
— Kate Mooney (@yatinbrooklyn) February 10, 2023

On this day 22 years ago, a bunch of weirdos in Denton, including our buddy Rick, held a high concept garage sale where all the prices were determined by mysterious masked figure. Happy Pricemaster Day to those who celebrate. pic.twitter.com/tsFfifYpmH
— Found Footage Fest (@foundfootage) February 11, 2023

Silver Jews- American Water (1998) pic.twitter.com/Eo60ZF7Sem
— Simpsons Albums (@SimpsonsAlbums) February 10, 2023

pic.twitter.com/oSTOQtvKLV
— internet hall of fame (@InternetH0F) February 10, 2023

Oh no pic.twitter.com/N3P176CCrI
— Jess Reinhardt (@JRein44) February 10, 2023

What's your biggest regret in life? pic.twitter.com/rjOzTLooKH
— Michael Kandel (@K_A_N_D_E_L) February 10, 2023

John Tory's career inevitably cut short by his raw, unstoppable sexual magnetismhttps://t.co/HYmFNgH6t1 #topoli pic.twitter.com/P5pBdKhhQB
— The Beaverton (@TheBeaverton) February 11, 2023

john tory... i freaking looked up to you, man...
— James Hartnett (@jameshartnett) February 11, 2023

If you saw this every day you'd be terminally horny too pic.twitter.com/j8mpddTRqG
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) February 11, 2023

our rich history pic.twitter.com/Bm9x568Xly
— Evy Kwong (@EVYSTADIUM) February 11, 2023

February 11

One mayor defeated by drugs, the next defeated by sex. Looking forward to the new guy whose downfall will be rock n roll.
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) February 11, 2023

This!!! 👇👇 pic.twitter.com/LBlUfN2BNA
— Jon Cooper (@joncoopertweets) February 11, 2023

🤣 pic.twitter.com/jMIJtzgefm
— Liam Nissan™ (@theliamnissan) February 12, 2023

The movie theatre: No outside food or candy allowed
Me: pic.twitter.com/p4HoWKemXC
— Chad Opitz (@chadopitz) February 11, 2023

It's less weird that an openly queer they/them dresses like this than it is to be a woman named Jedediah https://t.co/f43liXKYpu
— Sturgeon's Law (@Sturgeons_Law) February 11, 2023

When I complained to Amazon about a missing parcel and they asked me to send photographic evidence. pic.twitter.com/MX0a8QTItu
— Vitt (@Vitt2TsNoC) February 11, 2023

There's a guy in a Kirkland sweatshirt waiting outside for Costco to open. True head
— Patrick Cosmos (@veryimportant) February 11, 2023

the full house theme song sounds like a republican senator right before he says something super racist pic.twitter.com/jkdZeuou0V
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) February 11, 2023

We interrupt this pandemic to tell you about a spy balloon to tell you about a UFO to tell you about an airborne toxic event cover-up to tell you about another UFO
— Alie Ward (@alieward) February 12, 2023

you look like one of those little cartoon pigs you see outside of bbq restaurants https://t.co/c9AKBJ0j9f
— america's lounge singer (@KrangTNelson) February 12, 2023

Wait for it.. 😊 pic.twitter.com/aCioHa8b7F
— Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden) February 11, 2023

Terry Power on FB:

"I followed this Chinese balloon for almost 200 miles only to eventually realize it was bird poop on my windshield." pic.twitter.com/o81RUL74WY
— Cheri Jacobus (@CheriJacobus) February 12, 2023

February 12

Aliens map of earth pic.twitter.com/r8JMt5Lp3t
— BossLogic (@Bosslogic) February 12, 2023

Two years later and nothings changed 🙃 https://t.co/hq8nf2ISP9
— Taietsarón:sere (@tai_leclaire) February 13, 2023

This Eagles fan was PISSED!!!! 😳 #SuperBowl pic.twitter.com/B3su0haFSE
— Chad Baker (@ChadBlue83) February 13, 2023

Things are going well over on Philly NBC Sports 🤣 pic.twitter.com/nkQS8Y638N
— Wu-Tang is for the Children (@WUTangKids) February 13, 2023

I know it's the Super Bowl and this is usually your time to shine, but the way they shooting things out the sky you might want to lay low fam. Streets ain't safe. @GoodyearBlimp pic.twitter.com/ktU0z5IgCW
— Roy Wood Jr- Ex Jedi (@roywoodjr) February 12, 2023

Respect to Rhianna for performing in a Super Smash Bros stage pic.twitter.com/oXrHsFue0t
— Rob Sheridan (@rob_sheridan) February 13, 2023

My mom's halftime show review is in. #Brianna pic.twitter.com/1xouIrYSGI
— Vanessa Gonzalez (@vanessagcomedy) February 13, 2023

This the shit mfs wanted Rihanna to do on stage pic.twitter.com/2l67nmOWVE
— CANONKD (@CanonKD1) February 13, 2023

When Junior Soprano starts singing karaoke at Jackie Jr's funeral pic.twitter.com/QIPUsyfRRM
— Sopranos Memes (@timeimmemorial_) February 13, 2023

I love every second of thispic.twitter.com/fXFQsWvNKE
— Fifty Shades of Whey (@davenewworld_2) February 12, 2023

We're still arguing about whether we even need trains.
Meanwhile, the Swiss have trains with family cars - complete with a slide. pic.twitter.com/et6eUJxPPy
— Tim Welch (@t@mastodon.nz) (@TimFWelch) February 13, 2023

FUCK NO! pic.twitter.com/7wVXH4tBeD
— pretty irl ✨ (@ashleytapreee) February 13, 2023

pic.twitter.com/qh9ax9lEJF
— NO CONTEXT HUMANS 👤 (@HumansNoContext) February 12, 2023

He said he was a comedian & CLEARED everyone in the building 😂😂😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/6CaFtLW6RQ
— Ichigo Niggasake (@SomaKazima) February 12, 2023

this is what its all about. just hanging out with the boys building contraptions https://t.co/LLHLLQEz8c
— doomer (@uncledoomer) February 12, 2023

February 13

Are you saying a sex scene did in fact propel the story forward pic.twitter.com/8GyHE8xs2a
— Guy Lodge (@GuyLodge) February 14, 2023

lmao i was looking on cameo and one of the breaking bad twins is undercutting his own brother by $400 pic.twitter.com/pxrLCFFRAM
— aLec robBins (@alecrobbins) February 14, 2023

This is an ad for a box you put your phone in pic.twitter.com/oZjq1N845g
— SWAMP SAM (@mardirooster) February 13, 2023

All time terrible advice.
Just legendary. https://t.co/SF9L6K7Nkz
— aundre (@aundrelarrow) February 13, 2023

remember to recycle! https://t.co/XM5UnXu3Nh
— Astroboy💫 (@Astroblast65) February 13, 2023

eyeing up his next victim pic.twitter.com/jqtqRSQa96
— leon 🌟 (@witchdaddio) February 13, 2023

Reading this like it's the courtroom showdown scene from a Few Good Men pic.twitter.com/kZ6vot3TiW
— John Frankensteiner (@JFrankensteiner) February 14, 2023

imagine all the people pic.twitter.com/eDPGSiXd5A
— catatonicyouths (@catatonicyouths) February 13, 2023

saw a couple walking into trader joe's and the girl said "wow look at all the pretty flowers" and the guy replied "oh yeah it must be flower season" please pray for him
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) February 14, 2023

Jackass really had the right idea. Because nothing I, or any comedian, ever writes on purpose will be as funny as this kind of shit: pic.twitter.com/2sPxviB0QS
— Eliza Skinner (@elizaskinner) February 14, 2023

let him in https://t.co/xrxHN5KCIw
— Dan (@FateSailor) February 13, 2023

February 14

My kid got a Valentine from her best friend and I am DYING pic.twitter.com/1vyCUkt2NZ
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) February 15, 2023

New York isn't real. Just saw 2 women kissing on a crowded train and a guy looked at em and said "y'all can't do that at home?"

He got some weird looks and so he felt the need to clarify to everyone:

"I'm not a homophobe, just a hater."
— Makemake ❄️ (@makemunchkins) February 14, 2023

We are inventing TV channels a second time https://t.co/xzcU2zwQDL
— kenzie (@pk_kenzie) February 15, 2023

we live on a planet that produces food and water how the hell did we mess up enough to start linkedin
— Hurt CoPain (@SaeedDiCaprio) February 14, 2023

10/10 no notes pic.twitter.com/84EgB1T5O4
— catastrophic failure (Kristi's alt) (@ohshidt) February 14, 2023

just found out one of my favorite twitter accounts 2dollarbeer has left this website and deleted his account, sharing some of my favorite posts so they will live on pic.twitter.com/bqX0lFNPav
— pudding person (@JUNlPER) February 14, 2023

It's okay if your book doesn't sell, you're going to die
— Beautiful CanLit (@ILoveCanLit) February 14, 2023

When they say 'masks don't work', do they mean the masks firemen wear, the masks fighter pilots wear, the masks asbestos removers wear, or the masks chemical weapons experts wear?
— tern (@1goodtern) February 14, 2023

It's crazy how in 100 years people will talk about this woman like we talk about HP Lovecraft today and it's all because she couldn't shut the fuck up https://t.co/C807Bel9IQ
— Quinton Reviews🎬 (@Q_Review) February 14, 2023

Patrick Mahomes straight up sounds like Kenny Powers https://t.co/FVNiPxqQ3B
— Chris Crowley (@chrisecrowley) February 15, 2023

February 15

crying laughing mf'er hit her with the pitter pat hurricane pic.twitter.com/Sylgbi0MPK
— BeastBossNasty (@BeastBackNasty) February 16, 2023

I loved the 1993 invisible jet because they finally installed cup holders. https://t.co/lReP466AlU
— Lynda Carter (@RealLyndaCarter) February 15, 2023

I would like to publicly apologize to JK Rowling. There is no evidence she eats child hearts out of a trough like a farm goat. Furthermore, it was disingenuous to imply that JK "doesn't use bathrooms" and that she "just goes where she goes, like a horse"
— Ron Iver (@ronnui_) February 15, 2023

this website is so broken pic.twitter.com/3IkmP5js37
— Rob DenBleyker (@RobDenBleyker) February 16, 2023

We are doomed as a society pic.twitter.com/CnvnKlyEEj
— 𝗕𝗿𝗲𝗲𝘇𝘆'😵‍💫 (@OvOBrezzzy) February 15, 2023

asked my bf how work was today pic.twitter.com/Obb1xyfZLI
— meredith (@dietz_meredith) February 15, 2023

To save money: kill yourself, die. pic.twitter.com/m8fqh35GKG
— Beth, probably. (@bourgeoisalien) February 15, 2023

pic.twitter.com/2gED16B6PW
— paige (@BonerWizard) February 15, 2023

only things I've ever seen make that man smile are ass and dunkin donuts he's so fucking real https://t.co/oI09TzPIaT
— tony🗣 (@ratatatvandal) February 15, 2023

Any questions? @TheDailyShow pic.twitter.com/RvRykt5TYK
— Chelsea Handler (@chelseahandler) February 16, 2023

This meeting could have been an email? Well guess what… This email could have been a kiss
— Cricket Arrison (@cricketarrison) February 15, 2023

February 16

I woulda clocked out for the rest of the day pic.twitter.com/q4YoV4GBxc
— Lance🇱🇨 (@BornAKang) February 16, 2023

I Photoshop paddington into a movie, game, TV show, or album until I forget: Day 709 pic.twitter.com/KLfVE7jFoL
— Jaythechou (@jaythechou) February 16, 2023

It's absolutely insane that this was a television show pic.twitter.com/OOnB79WesN
— Arby's Provocateur (@SamGrittner) February 16, 2023

Sarah Michelle Geller on potential I Know What You Did Last Summer sequel appearance: "I am dead" https://t.co/VEfKnO3iWc pic.twitter.com/EonZwdZoio
— The A.V. Club (@TheAVClub) February 16, 2023

couldn't unhear it so i had to do this https://t.co/Eg9cMkzh4O pic.twitter.com/Nieta7O5Hw
— Patrick Lyons (@p_lyons_) February 16, 2023

According to the Dominion lawsuit against Fox News, one of the sources for the network's "election fraud" information said she got her information from "experiencing something like time-travel in a semi-conscious state" that allows her to "see what others don't see." pic.twitter.com/oFexxz01L9
— Ben Collins (@oneunderscore__) February 17, 2023

fellas, is it gay to have sex with rihanna? https://t.co/ELg32jIsDl
— i can be your long lost pal (@PallaviGunalan) February 16, 2023

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: February 17, 2023

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