The Earth is attacked by Jupiter, some of us are getting stupider, somehow Popeye's spinach eluded her, a dude's reasons for invoking cupid were and much more from this week in funny tweets.

January 4

bye this is so humiliating 😭💔 pic.twitter.com/GZ3SUhPoud
— ane⁷ SHADOW (@jinIov3r) January 5, 2020

Weird how no one asks women if they're afraid to hire men after centuries of sexual assault https://t.co/CTI1kJFRbD
— Sandra Newman (@sannewman) January 5, 2020

in 2020, can we stop letting male artists get away with being THIS mediocre? if a female dropped a song and visual like this they'd be dragged. pic.twitter.com/rHOEQxGZeN
— jack (@fkajack) January 4, 2020

damn, took less than 24 hours for @NetflixFlims to get deleted. i had fun with it while it lasted. pic.twitter.com/g5pqlajSFs
— Al Shipley (@alshipley) January 5, 2020

remember when you had to pay for ringtones now i would throw my phone out the window if it made a single sound
— doctor peanut (@NINETIREDBUGS) January 5, 2020

January 5

"The hero of this next movie is a naive, misguided child who spreads nazi propaganda and only has imaginary friends. His name is Mark Zuckerberg. Sorry this is an old intro for Social Network" pic.twitter.com/QWLwmcPLPt
— Hamza Shaban (@hshaban) January 6, 2020

[doing mad lib]

me: a romantic place

the b-52s: shack

me: uh. let's come back to that one. something that rocks

the b-52s: lobster

me: guys
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) January 5, 2020

I think I see your problem. pic.twitter.com/HU7qhuVuDJ
— jamie (@gnuman1979) January 5, 2020

Love R*cky G*rvais' style of humour that consists of telling you he's about to be offensive and doesn't give a shit, delivering a lukewarm joke that teenagers on Reddit have already made, and finishing off by reminding you he doesn't care if he's offended you. truly a visionary
— 𝓒𝓪𝓽𝓱𝔂 (@catherinebouris) January 6, 2020

If you're gonna rail on veganism you shouldn't do it with photos of food that looks incredible https://t.co/ZFJwJio6fj
— Jared Holt (@jaredlholt) January 6, 2020

Man why he doing this corny shit with heOHHHHHHHHHH https://t.co/Q4c0pALBQR
— Uncle Nephew Cam (@CeeHawk) January 5, 2020

just discovered i am too short to be a sperm donor & no amount of bullying in my life could have prepared me for this
— Official Ted Kaczynski VEVO (@nachdermas) January 5, 2020

January 6

Can't stop thinking about the man who was offended by vegetable soup at an event he wasn't even invited to pic.twitter.com/afkboAKObH
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) January 6, 2020

Hey Justin what the fuck pic.twitter.com/ccCwB5i5Ps
— na'ama⁷ (@iknownaama) January 6, 2020

They're not skits, they're sketches.

That's all, carry on.
— Kids in the Hall (@KITHOnline) January 7, 2020

I saw my Uber driver put on a playlist called "White Passenger" and I loved every second of it. I wish I could give 7 stars.
— Ivan Decker (@ivandecker) January 7, 2020

January 7

Your fiancé gets kidnapped in a foreign country. You stay out till 2 am searching w authorities but eventually you have to call it and return to your hotel. Do you still do your skincare routine y/n
— cancela lansbury (@gossipbabies) January 8, 2020

award season every single year be like pic.twitter.com/cnhyRe7y6p
— becca (@laurieslaurence) January 7, 2020

very powerful 'PC game from 2002' aura https://t.co/zzPjpnhKAP
— henno (@jrhennessy) January 7, 2020

Iran attacks US airbase, in response the US kills Qasem Soleimani five days earlier
— pixelatedboat aka "mr tweets" (@pixelatedboat) January 8, 2020

oh my dear lord. Sekou Doumbouya wrecks Tristan Thompson and stands over his corpse. pic.twitter.com/2w23V9mB1v
— Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) January 8, 2020

January 8

Maybe the greatest airport reunion ever pic.twitter.com/0PIfiwNrzm
— Giles Paley-Phillips (@eliistender10) January 8, 2020

"You want Brexit? I'll give you a fucking Brexit." — Meghan Thee Markle
— Saeed Jones (@theferocity) January 8, 2020

It's okay to spend less time with your toxic parents. It's okay to move across the globe and start ignoring your father. It's okay to marry a prince and teach him about boundaries. It's okay to dismantle a dynasty because they're toxic colonizers. Do what you need to cope.
— Eve Ettinger (@eve_ettinger) January 8, 2020

[clears throat for a full minute] megxit https://t.co/o2mgmY2NQ4
— julia reinstein 🚡 (@juliareinstein) January 8, 2020

1 minute before the museum closes pic.twitter.com/k3eWQoZ6vc
— COLiN BURGESS (@Colinoscopy) January 8, 2020

January 9

Jupiter's had enough of our shit. https://t.co/0IwafNMq2v
— William LeGate 🧢 (@williamlegate) January 10, 2020

I tuned in to Canada's new version of Family Feud and may have witnessed one of the most iconic game show moments I've ever seen. pic.twitter.com/QsTIjEzoM7
— Mike Morrison 🏳️‍🌈 (@mikesbloggity) January 10, 2020

Well, for starters: because he pleaded guilty. https://t.co/rxxUBUTOhC
— Eric Swalwell (@ericswalwell) January 10, 2020

why are they still cooking for her what a waste https://t.co/br75rCjVqz
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) January 9, 2020

January 10

my dog and I both have anxiety so whenever I'm pacing my apartment she follows me around like we're marching in a mental illness pride parade
— May Wilkerson (@shutupmay) January 10, 2020

Imagine being this intern's supervisor and having to deal with this shit https://t.co/o4XOvJnkrd
— Chris Scott (@iamchrisscott) January 11, 2020

editor: this better not be like last time

kafka: it's a coming of age story

editor: ok

kafka: about a boy who's changed, but his family won't accept him

editor: i'm listening

kafka: because he's changed into a bug

editor: there we go

kafka: like a real big fuckin bug
— seaElle (@ellewasamistake) January 10, 2020

I can't help thinking he's chuckling somewhere knowing hundreds of bands with gigs tonight are trying to figure out "an easy Rush song."
— Jon Wurster (@jonwurster) January 10, 2020

Did I tweet this? I don't remember pic.twitter.com/IInARhH4fV
— Sam Taggart (@samttaggart) January 10, 2020

What is something that you believe the president has done well? pic.twitter.com/UlFeaOtTVR
— Vic Berger IV (@VicBergerIV) January 10, 2020

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: January 10, 2020

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