C-3PO won't put his midriff away, it was Ted Danson's birthday, Fleabag satisfies a President of the USA, WWIII is on its way and much more from this week in funny tweets.

December 28

The existence of Kylo Ren implies the existence of Kylo Stimpy.
— Obi Wan Punobi (@ObiWanPunobi) December 28, 2019

i'm so poor that i don't even know what they're in https://t.co/ZGaR8mwKLZ
— Shafeeq (@Y2SHAF) December 28, 2019

Me: I'll start working out Jan 1st
pic.twitter.com/Fs6qKYjzxq
— like she created the fucking rainbow🌈 (@Rocioceja_) December 28, 2019

ruled a foul and confirmed via review pic.twitter.com/orzsssPh3m
— James Wobden (@WorldWideWob) December 29, 2019

It gives, and then gives, and then gives again, and just when you think it can't give any more, it sticks the landing. 10/10 https://t.co/xAWZPPmqWp
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) December 28, 2019

Today is not Ted Danson's birthday.
— Is Today Ted Danson's Birthday? (@TedDansonBDay) December 28, 2019

December 29

Today is Ted Danson's birthday.
— Is Today Ted Danson's Birthday? (@TedDansonBDay) December 29, 2019

How I'm trying to be in 2020 pic.twitter.com/tdWq1KfgP6
— Nick Miller (@NickMillerMusic) December 29, 2019

Quick Karen, blend in! pic.twitter.com/nGQAWxNvVT
— Klara Sjöberg (@klara_sjo) December 29, 2019

HE WATCHED THIS pic.twitter.com/hFZnPa1QGQ https://t.co/bbGWSy5Mqx
— jessie (@gerw1g) December 29, 2019

he watched fleabag season 2 meaning that he also watched the first season which includes a scene where fleabag beats her meat to his speech https://t.co/TSkaYytu1k
— hazal (@jjomarch) December 29, 2019

As we approach the end of the decade, let's remember the best TV moment of the 2010s:

pic.twitter.com/xA5h6OjuJW
— Daniel Sugarman (@Daniel_Sugarman) December 29, 2019

Baby Yoda implies the existence of a Sporty Yoda, Scary Yoda, Ginger Yoda, and Posh Yoda
— Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) December 30, 2019

THIS IS INCREDIBLE pic.twitter.com/fCDLcQvTah
— Gump Cathcart (@bubbagumpino) December 30, 2019

December 30

After u defeat a bitch from all 5 boroughs in NYC u get this https://t.co/bpY6VjRjUD
— JUAN_HAVE_MERCY_ (@_KINGJUAN_) December 30, 2019

who cares if that homeless man is going to buy a beer with the money you gave him. what is he supposed to do, use your 60 cent contribution to save up to buy a house?
— early 30s gray hoodie under hockey jersey IPA guy (@ambienvalent) December 30, 2019

Wow, absolutely disgusting. Cops visited a local farm and THIS is what a spider wrote in its web pic.twitter.com/ZN1wRUq4kX
— nic5555555 (@nicxcvi) December 30, 2019

Okay actually this was the best moment of the decade https://t.co/N5FKGLeiQS
— Jon (@prasejeebus) December 31, 2019

Okay but do you want anything? https://t.co/U94ANr2MZD
— audrie (@AudrieRaben) December 31, 2019

December 31

Happy New Year, league sources tell ESPN.
— Adrian Wojnarowski (@wojespn) January 1, 2020

Just remembering my favorite personal moment on here this year pic.twitter.com/eEYNr1BuJJ
— Cari (@eatinginmycar) January 1, 2020

loves wants to
raymond rule the
world
🤝
🤝 everybody 🤝
🤝

is kung fu dance
fighting now
— m@thew (@TweetPotato314) January 1, 2020

Paddington is fuckin hammered https://t.co/r8LzrrwZL2
— Michael Chau (@Srirachachau) December 31, 2019

we don't talk about the fact that c3po essentially wears a crop top nearly enough as we should pic.twitter.com/pwbNdyZ3iZ
— Emma Bolden (@emmabo) January 1, 2020

Steve Harvey, sober.
Rob Gronkowski, NOT sober. pic.twitter.com/W8EYlFL9xO
— Andrew Hammond (@ahammTNT) January 1, 2020

there's ANOTHER year? holy shit how many of these things are there
— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) January 1, 2020

Yet another thing they should've saw coming pic.twitter.com/klz4OVdS5D
— decent pigeon (@decentbirthday) December 31, 2019

January 1

If i see a tweet from 1/1/20 how am i supposed to know if it's from today or 1920
— average joe (@jazz_inmypants) January 1, 2020

Wait, the other ones can hear us?? https://t.co/wgXYgy4zI0
— Faith Moore (@FaithKMoore) January 1, 2020

[Every interview at the Winter Classic ever]

REPORTER: Doesn't this just remind you of being a kid and playing hockey outside in the wintertime?
PLAYER: Yes
— John Cullen (@cullenthecomic) January 1, 2020

Extremely tough timing for Weight Watchers' marketing department. pic.twitter.com/jObKOivBtz
— Ben Collins (@oneunderscore__) January 3, 2020

When you're angry that strangers try to control what you do with your body https://t.co/W9W0QqUawy
— Myke Cole (@MykeCole) January 1, 2020

January 2

Stop pretending you know what day of the week it is. Because you don't. Nobody does.
— Ben White (@morningmoneyben) January 2, 2020

thousands of years of art, language, and cultural development led up to this exact moment pic.twitter.com/2Dn02tyxYM
— hannah (@skywaIkersoIos) January 2, 2020

It's like they're a high school bully pic.twitter.com/a5sT8anfIt
— nathan fielder (@nathanfielder) January 2, 2020

January 3

[future history class]

Teacher: How did World War 3 start? Anyone? Yes, Khaleesi.

Kid: It s-

Teacher: No, I meant Khaleesi M. Her hand was up first.

Kid 2: It started because President Trump was jealous that President Obama was more popular.

Teacher: Correct [holsters gun]
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) January 3, 2020

Ooh! pic.twitter.com/UIYzpOCmwH
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) January 3, 2020

Don't worry, everyone, I'm sure the guy mad about being cut out of the Canadian broadcast of an old children's movie will act in a measured, rational way
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) January 3, 2020

a Venn diagram of "people who bought defense stocks earlier this week" and "Trump allies who knew about the Iranian strike earlier this week" would be, uh, interesting https://t.co/eBOzqavuZW
— shauna (@goldengateblond) January 3, 2020

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: January 3, 2020

Latest Coverage