There was almost a coup, reinstated to play chess on Yahoo!, a nice personality adds two, Stacey Abrams knew what to do, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

January 1

it's time for The Wiggles to release the explicit version of Fruit Salad
— Nicole Kidman on the cow bell (@jxckchilli) January 2, 2021

my 11 year ban from yahoo chess expires today pic.twitter.com/ISQkAiJYze
— rev. dylan (@DylanRoss) January 1, 2021

I am so mad that Vanilla Ice is MAGA that I drove 12 hours to my parent's house to go in the attic and smash his most recent cassette.
— Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) January 1, 2021

Ask a socialist why they hate capitalism, and they'll give you a myriad of reasons.
Ask a capitalist why they hate socialism and they'll describe capitalism.
— Logan the Socialist (@Logan_ofthecorn) January 1, 2021

ppl love to text me "omg this is sooo you" with a link to one of the most fucked up things i've ever seen
— corie johnson (@corietjohnson) January 1, 2021

January 2

pic.twitter.com/OPgY3Zpq7J
— Hyperbolic Slime Chamber ☭ (@DOGDICK420CUM) January 3, 2021

$600 might cover rent in nebraska or wyoming but it ain't doin nothin in the bad bitch states
— redacted (@EmpressLaina) January 2, 2021

Now that Biden won, watch me not wear his name on my hat and not put a giant Biden flag on my truck and drive around with it for 4 years like a fucking weirdo.
— Alex Cole (@acnewsitics) January 3, 2021

Paul Rudd is a glimmering example of an 8 who became a 10 by having a good personality. That's right folks, you can go up by +2 just by being wonderful
— Marisa Galvez (@masiragz) January 2, 2021

January 3

Almost a year later and I still think it's absurd that we're all expected to carry on like everything isn't bizarre. No change in work schedules, hours or anything. We're really the "this is fine" meme come to life.
— Fern Gully (@theelectwoman08) January 4, 2021

When my dad died I posted a picture of his Led Zeppelin cassette tapes and someone DMd me like "name one song"
— ellory smith (@ellorysmith) January 3, 2021

pic.twitter.com/wBFlIU6ZOs
— Midwest People's History (@MPHProject) January 3, 2021

every couple days i learn about a YouTuber with 10 million subscribers who just tweets "life fr a mystery" that gets 25,000 likes and has a section on wikipedia titled Allegations
— derek (@derek8185338005) January 3, 2021

i am taller than my father, which means I can control him. I am the father now. I hold the can opener up over my head
— Emma Berquist (@eeberquist) January 3, 2021

Teaching my boys how to feed themselves pic.twitter.com/AyTlyTq9U4
— Fanya, am verfremdetsten (@Haggazussa) January 3, 2021

January 4

my dad is even worse than Bean Dad pic.twitter.com/F59GUrcu8d
— Strider (@LadyCelery) January 5, 2021

My boyfriend's been trying to unhook my bra with a can opener for the past 6 hours wtf
— millenial_crybaby_slob (@dillonsaur) January 4, 2021

Me: That looks so damn goo-

Gordon Ramsay: Pathetic

Me: Pathetic.
— Angelique (@__gorgeousgeek) January 4, 2021

What is today? The 4th? The 5th? The minor fall? The major lift? idek
— Agent V (@VeroniKaboom) January 4, 2021

WOAH BLACK BETTY pic.twitter.com/Q0WM94s6ku
— Darren Dutton (@Darren_Dutton) January 4, 2021

i SAID tumble outta bed and stumble to the kitchen pic.twitter.com/AxmJyujGCy
— chase (@cfree94) January 4, 2021

politicians be like, I deeply regret my travel abroad during the pandemic, I hereby resign from all my ceremonial positions you never knew I had, I will stay on as your elected representative as we continue to weather this storm together lol
— negro frolics (@DesmondCole) January 4, 2021

January 5

Gummy birth control. Why aren't we working harder on this?
— maybe: clare (@clur19) January 5, 2021

Pundits: You should run for Senate.
Stacey Abrams: I have a better idea.
Pundits: What?
Abrams: I'm going to win the whole fucking thing.
— Elie Mystal (@ElieNYC) January 6, 2021

LMAOOOOOOOOO pic.twitter.com/Opq6JvYKtn
— ✨ Ed🤦🏽‍♂️ ✨ (@edcitoo) January 6, 2021

If Stacey Abrams can pull this off Biden should put her in charge of everything. The vaccine rollout. Writing and directing an alternate Game of Thrones ending. Running Major League Baseball, etc.
— Molly Knight (@molly_knight) January 5, 2021

When you shoot your shot, use both barrels pic.twitter.com/UTCEj6LFbr
— Napoleon Bonasharte (@MuskTillDawn) January 5, 2021

putting soup in a square tupperware...... it's just not right. it should be a circle one which is the shape of soup
— charlie (@chunkbardey) January 6, 2021

January 6

"hmm i wonder if they planned this" pic.twitter.com/GiwWjaGqAf
— avery 💫 (@SUNSETSAPPHICS) January 7, 2021

Cleaned up the audio on this so you can hear this delightful exchange more clearly on a phone. https://t.co/qVecWVu0Wk pic.twitter.com/sp4oPBmt9w
— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) January 7, 2021

We spend $750 billion annually on "defense" and the center of American government fell in two hours to the duck dynasty and the guy in the chewbacca bikini pic.twitter.com/ZMR76cbN2c
— (((YousefMunayyer))) (@YousefMunayyer) January 7, 2021

Fascists on livestream: hey it's us, the fascists, storming the capital. here are our names and addresses, take a look at our IDs. we are well-known personalities with very recognizable faces

Right-wing media: hmmmmm seems like antifa
— Becca Lewis (@beccalew) January 7, 2021

Let's Pay Our Rent To The Landlord On Time https://t.co/iM9yL5jjVD
— pixelatedboat aka "mr tweets" (@pixelatedboat) January 7, 2021

I'm not "doomscrolling" I just live in hell
— JP (@jpbrammer) January 7, 2021

Y'all mad a woman is shot dead while storming a Capitol building but don't care when a woman is shot dead while sleeping in her own house? 🤔
— Alexis Guerreros (@NotAlexis) January 7, 2021

Why y'all keep asking where the police at? Y'all ask where Miley's at when Hannah's on stage?
— Beytwicé (@lotoysrus) January 6, 2021

current scene at the capitol pic.twitter.com/R8G46gr2fv
— shereen (@shereeny) January 6, 2021

why is twitter always at its funniest when the world is collapsing
— nope (@LilNasX) January 7, 2021

Journalists still asking if this was planned or it just "happened" somehow. pic.twitter.com/0Mz1XFkBDh
— Will Jennings (@willjennings80) January 6, 2021

2016: it's only four years, how bad can it get

2021: are the armed insurrectionists storming the Capitol aware that there is a plague ravaging the land
— Owl! at the Library 😴🧙‍♀️ (@SketchesbyBoze) January 7, 2021

To not even wear a mask when it would protect your identity while committing crimes is so fucking funny
— Kafka, Esq. (@metalgearobama) January 6, 2021

Obsessed with these Trump protestors who broke windows to get into the Capitol Building but then stayed inside the red ropes pic.twitter.com/UqnseAbEb1
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) January 6, 2021

this is the "fa" we were "anti", by the way
— noah. (@Noahbout_it) January 6, 2021

I don't think diversity training can fix this.
— Badia Ahad PhD (@BadiaAhad) January 6, 2021

Absolutely losing it over the fact folks think this asshole's name is "Via Getty" pic.twitter.com/A2e6rmroGD
— Nerd Girl Says (@Rachael_Conrad) January 7, 2021

Half of right wing twitter right now is saying this is a false flag by antifa and the other half is posting pictures from the capitol saying this is me! i'm doing this!
— metal dot txt (@metaltxt) January 6, 2021

So Trump has access to the nuclear codes but he can't Tweet or post to Facebook.
— Andrew Ross Sorkin (@andrewrsorkin) January 7, 2021

starting to think it'd actually be incredibly easy to steal the declaration of independence
— viking (@notviking) January 6, 2021

Might need to gone head and move that Inaguration to Zoom. Send Biden & Kamala a DocuSign
— Roy Wood Jr- Ex Jedi (@roywoodjr) January 6, 2021

Well that escalated steadily for four years.
— Ed Stern. Black & Trans Lives Matter. (@EdStern) January 6, 2021

Something like this would never happen in Canada except for in Alberta and maybe Saskatchewan and oh yeah also maybe in Etobicoke and a thousand places like that
— Chris Locke (@chrislockeworld) January 6, 2021

January 7

Ummm.... they are doing interviews on Fox News live from the Willard Hotel and milling about the lobbies of the Marriott. Hope you can crack the case. https://t.co/7wDtvv9AnM
— Dave Zirin (@EdgeofSports) January 7, 2021

Found one. https://t.co/WNLkBl9MYI pic.twitter.com/Cx7obp0p61
— Congressmember Bass (@RepKarenBass) January 7, 2021

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: January 8, 2021

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