Things Dr. Fauci doesn't want you to catch, Jimmy from Linkedin makes a match, packing sandwiches in a batch, a president and his odd word dispatch, and much more from this week in funny tweets.&nbsp;<br>
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<strong>July 17</strong>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">men really be like "you're soo toxic for telling everyone what i did to you"</p>
— rachelle toarmino (@rchlltrmn) <a href="https://twitter.com/rchlltrmn/status/1284255782213648384?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 17, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Cop: you're going to prison for forgery<br>
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Me *slides him a 37 dollar bill* what about now</p>
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) <a href="https://twitter.com/ArfMeasures/status/1284143525882363905?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 17, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️<br>
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Wow this huge wooden horse is great!<br>
<br>
[Review updated]<br>
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⭐️ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆<br>
<br>
Ok what the fuck</p>
— suki (@desukidesu) <a href="https://twitter.com/desukidesu/status/1284158236367757313?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 17, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>July 18</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Every time I listen to Beethoven's 9th I'm blown away by the fact that a St. Bernard could play piano so well.</p>
— Daniel Keith Sylvester Jr. (@dannsylvester) <a href="https://twitter.com/dannsylvester/status/1284706079922954245?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">if a mexican restaurant got cups like these you know it's about to be fire <a href="https://t.co/FrnKsw4Ihx">pic.twitter.com/FrnKsw4Ihx</a></p>
— matt james (@matthewavocado) <a href="https://twitter.com/matthewavocado/status/1284542793063464961?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 18, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I find it hilarious that Bill Nye joined TikTok on some "cut the shit" energy. 😆 <a href="https://t.co/Pwjw3Vnq9G">pic.twitter.com/Pwjw3Vnq9G</a></p>
— ℝ𝕒𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕟𝕒 (@Rashona) <a href="https://twitter.com/Rashona/status/1284717498013831168?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Wear your mask ☺️ <a href="https://t.co/LzpAYyk74P">pic.twitter.com/LzpAYyk74P</a></p>
— nick (@airpodqueen) <a href="https://twitter.com/airpodqueen/status/1284591755485052928?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 18, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">My son has a Thomas the Train bed and now I'll never sleep again <a href="https://t.co/ilvjY4LERs">pic.twitter.com/ilvjY4LERs</a></p>
— Nathan Thomas (@isosmrt) <a href="https://twitter.com/isosmrt/status/1284578141512454144?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 18, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>July 19</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">The people who want the schools open don't appear to have learned anything while they were there.</p>
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) <a href="https://twitter.com/JenAshleyWright/status/1284956065679933443?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I thought this was one of them Scooby doo sammiches before reading the caption <a href="https://t.co/Eqdsg8VBIF">https://t.co/Eqdsg8VBIF</a></p>
— Bria Celest (@55mmbae) <a href="https://twitter.com/55mmbae/status/1284902706671312896?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">So to review, based on his own accounts, the President has taken multiple cognition tests for dementia during his presidency, finds them "very hard" and says doctors have professed "great surprise" he was able to answer all the questions.</p>
— Josh Marshall (@joshtpm) <a href="https://twitter.com/joshtpm/status/1284959287748567040?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">can't stop thinking about the overlap between people who say "all lives matter" and people who refuse to wear a mask to protect even just one life</p>
— Sara Schaefer (@saraschaefer1) <a href="https://twitter.com/saraschaefer1/status/1284956743852789760?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>July 20</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">just saw someone use the term "hxmeless" and my head exploded</p>
— jon bidet ramsey (@SlutStrathcona) <a href="https://twitter.com/SlutStrathcona/status/1285285130689363968?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 20, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">thinking of this woman from the season 1 Shark Tank rerun I watched tonight who pitched fun face masks and proceeded to be shot down by everyone <a href="https://t.co/nFjLSSCS6p">pic.twitter.com/nFjLSSCS6p</a></p>
— Megh Wright (@megh_wright) <a href="https://twitter.com/megh_wright/status/1285426883954384896?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">When you use images from your own presidency to warn of what would happen if your opponent won <a href="https://t.co/DFtOYu4WuO">pic.twitter.com/DFtOYu4WuO</a></p>
— Taniel (@Taniel) <a href="https://twitter.com/Taniel/status/1285351391628857348?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 20, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">the oscar for outstanding performance this yr goes to the people who posted black boxes on instagram and never said a word again 🏆</p>
— miski (@musegold) <a href="https://twitter.com/musegold/status/1285256921260285952?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 20, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">This may be the best 14 seconds in the history of CNN.<a href="https://t.co/v4K6LV0ACu">pic.twitter.com/v4K6LV0ACu</a></p>
— Brian Tyler Cohen (@briantylercohen) <a href="https://twitter.com/briantylercohen/status/1285279346077229057?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 20, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Let's go girls send tweet</p>
— Shania Twain (@ShaniaTwain) <a href="https://twitter.com/ShaniaTwain/status/1285248744821264388?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 20, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>July 21</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">"the government has no business making me wear a mask" i say before i buckle my seatbelt, drive the speed limit to a restaurant built to code, eat food made in a state inspected kitchen, receive the heimlich maneuver from a waiter who learned it from a mandatory workplace poster,</p>
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) <a href="https://twitter.com/ben_rosen/status/1285463110623481856?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/dMc2k3fUNK">pic.twitter.com/dMc2k3fUNK</a></p>
— Mary L Trump (@MaryLTrump) <a href="https://twitter.com/MaryLTrump/status/1285752790011318272?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 22, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Is any relationship strong enough to survive the "WHY YOU LEFT ME WHEN THAT LIVESTOCK RAN UP?"! conversation on the car ride home? <a href="https://t.co/xOJNdIWnqS">pic.twitter.com/xOJNdIWnqS</a></p>
— Roy Wood Jr- Ex Jedi (@roywoodjr) <a href="https://twitter.com/roywoodjr/status/1285654873523073024?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I can think of four times when Trump has publicly extended his best wishes to people charged with federal crimes by DOJ: Roger Stone, Michael Flynn, Paul Manafort — and now Ghislaine Maxwell.</p>
— Elie Honig (@eliehonig) <a href="https://twitter.com/eliehonig/status/1285694611671977986?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Today would've been Dad's 69th birthday, so to honor him (&amp; that glorious number), I will be donating $69.69 to as many local homeless shelters as I can. Join me if you like, but regardless, know I am wishing you all at least one hearty, immature belly laugh on Dad today ♥️</p>
— Zelda Williams (@zeldawilliams) <a href="https://twitter.com/zeldawilliams/status/1285649335917719559?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Robin Williams on golf. Enjoy.<br>
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He would have been 69-years old today.<a href="https://t.co/dsU2uAXwy9">pic.twitter.com/dsU2uAXwy9</a></p>
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) <a href="https://twitter.com/RexChapman/status/1285651596840439809?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>July 22</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Was this really necessary Jimmy from LinkedIn????? <a href="https://t.co/IOSBsC623C">pic.twitter.com/IOSBsC623C</a></p>
— cc (@okcandice_) <a href="https://twitter.com/okcandice_/status/1285956830045380608?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 22, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">can't wait to read this headline like it's brand new every month for the next two years <a href="https://t.co/WXz9gy8KxU">https://t.co/WXz9gy8KxU</a></p>
— 🔪 🔪 🔪 (@0xAFAEBABE) <a href="https://twitter.com/0xAFAEBABE/status/1285819435647856640?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 22, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Do you get extra points if you get it in order? Or do you have the same points if you get it out of order? Are more points good or badder than out of order non-points in order if you get it right extra points? <a href="https://t.co/3pAST64BlN">https://t.co/3pAST64BlN</a></p>
— Mr. Bob Odenkirk (@mrbobodenkirk) <a href="https://twitter.com/mrbobodenkirk/status/1286146503946321920?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 23, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="es" dir="ltr">person woman man camera tv <a href="https://t.co/RUxmGJfjC9">pic.twitter.com/RUxmGJfjC9</a></p>
— Vic Berger IV (@VicBergerIV) <a href="https://twitter.com/VicBergerIV/status/1286138011302862849?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 23, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">But um... it's happening right now. <a href="https://t.co/beEzSVAkfM">https://t.co/beEzSVAkfM</a></p>
— Soledad O'Brien (@soledadobrien) <a href="https://twitter.com/soledadobrien/status/1286083813995618304?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 22, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>July 23</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I've seen more photos of trump with Ghislaine Maxwell than with Barron.</p>
— romy🦋 (@romyreiner) <a href="https://twitter.com/romyreiner/status/1286428623461703680?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 23, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Washington Fugazis or nothing.</p>
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) <a href="https://twitter.com/KenJennings/status/1286481434425749504?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 24, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">The dude doesn't want people catching anything. Respect the consistency. <a href="https://t.co/TyBeeH44sJ">https://t.co/TyBeeH44sJ</a></p>
— Nikolai Joseph (@nikopotomous) <a href="https://twitter.com/nikopotomous/status/1286480350470864896?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 24, 2020</a></blockquote>
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Vish Khanna

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: July 24, 2020

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