I physically cannot listen, I'm going to prison, I'm undiagnosing, I'm dating Pete Davidson, and much more from this week in funny tweets.<br>
<br>
<strong>October 29</strong><br>
&nbsp;
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">business at the front, party at the back <a href="https://t.co/fhF77pyJFV">pic.twitter.com/fhF77pyJFV</a></p>
— george dykel (@sopmud) <a href="https://twitter.com/sopmud/status/1454170848089288711?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 29, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Amazing deleted tweet from the mayor of Miami <a href="https://t.co/ne26iVlryb">pic.twitter.com/ne26iVlryb</a></p>
— Alex Daugherty (@alextdaugherty) <a href="https://twitter.com/alextdaugherty/status/1454143876638330884?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 29, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">i miss old fashioned money laundering. like nfts aren't even remotely cool. open up car washes and italian restaurants</p>
— kelbin (@pissboymcgee) <a href="https://twitter.com/pissboymcgee/status/1454221625738596352?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 29, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/7UqT1fSpUy">pic.twitter.com/7UqT1fSpUy</a></p>
— J D (@hasharin) <a href="https://twitter.com/hasharin/status/1454038106471112710?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 29, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">The desperation brand <a href="https://t.co/PWrweezroM">pic.twitter.com/PWrweezroM</a></p>
— pokey pup (@Whatapityonyou) <a href="https://twitter.com/Whatapityonyou/status/1454119658819244037?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 29, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<strong>October 30</strong><br>
&nbsp;
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Congratulations to everybody going out for two nights in a row rn. I was you once. Likely will never be you again. Wish u luck and peace though</p>
— michaela okland (@MichaelaOkla) <a href="https://twitter.com/MichaelaOkla/status/1454644362701258758?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 31, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">it's been half a year since i accidentally sent my professor bugs bunny fanfic <a href="https://t.co/eyaoX5GoOd">pic.twitter.com/eyaoX5GoOd</a></p>
— abdi (@tropicanapussy) <a href="https://twitter.com/tropicanapussy/status/1454483679506489345?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 30, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I feel like people on my IG weren't understanding how dedicated I was to being a Sim for Halloween 😭 <a href="https://t.co/EYGtHSGJo9">pic.twitter.com/EYGtHSGJo9</a></p>
— hannah ❣️ (@HannahAudi) <a href="https://twitter.com/HannahAudi/status/1454639474449784834?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 31, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">happy Halloween this year i decided to go as Sickos <a href="https://t.co/RoRCYjG5pC">pic.twitter.com/RoRCYjG5pC</a></p>
— SHITTER (@cavegremlin) <a href="https://twitter.com/cavegremlin/status/1454493521054945287?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 30, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">the king of halloween <a href="https://t.co/MaI0bZ4wDR">pic.twitter.com/MaI0bZ4wDR</a></p>
— robert franco, wandering ronin (@responsiblerob) <a href="https://twitter.com/responsiblerob/status/1454550941068263424?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 30, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<strong>October 31</strong><br>
&nbsp;
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/tAforv1TnH">pic.twitter.com/tAforv1TnH</a></p>
— ami (@angrybIack) <a href="https://twitter.com/angrybIack/status/1454902831375343616?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 31, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Watch the costume. Read the caption. 😭 <a href="https://t.co/CyDl6GCjhF">pic.twitter.com/CyDl6GCjhF</a></p>
— Adrijuana Out Now 🧚🏾 (@AdriannaD_) <a href="https://twitter.com/AdriannaD_/status/1454898332678164480?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 31, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/M39D6mythJ">pic.twitter.com/M39D6mythJ</a></p>
— Old Person Online (@OldPersonOnline) <a href="https://twitter.com/OldPersonOnline/status/1454915076922695680?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 31, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">it's tough being the funniest person i know <a href="https://t.co/x4X3yt5cAO">pic.twitter.com/x4X3yt5cAO</a></p>
— amelia‼️ (@AmelPatt16) <a href="https://twitter.com/AmelPatt16/status/1454876008583241730?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 31, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/1eSTKIfhWH">pic.twitter.com/1eSTKIfhWH</a></p>
— What Do You Mean By That? (@WhtDoUMeanByTha) <a href="https://twitter.com/WhtDoUMeanByTha/status/1454863289427582981?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 31, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/SFb09ktLMV">pic.twitter.com/SFb09ktLMV</a></p>
— K Rich (@K_rich_21) <a href="https://twitter.com/K_rich_21/status/1454718072779067397?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 31, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Pete Davidson needs do a masterclass on how to date up</p>
— Hanna Dickinson (@hansdickie) <a href="https://twitter.com/hansdickie/status/1454960920204034051?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 31, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<strong>November 1</strong><br>
&nbsp;
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="und" dir="ltr">How?!?! <a href="https://t.co/5ws076TDFd">pic.twitter.com/5ws076TDFd</a></p>
— Carly J Garber (@CarlyJGarber) <a href="https://twitter.com/CarlyJGarber/status/1455307203309563906?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 1, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">gossiping? you mean oral histories and traditions?</p>
— read the room (@muramxo) <a href="https://twitter.com/muramxo/status/1455283546948526087?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 1, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">This guy says Critical Race Theory is the most important issue in the Virginia Election. He also says he has no idea what Critical Race Theory is. <a href="https://t.co/lBrGy4lRBG">pic.twitter.com/lBrGy4lRBG</a></p>
— The Good Liars (@TheGoodLiars) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheGoodLiars/status/1455243036795998212?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 1, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I fear we'll never see a Garfield movie that truly captures the wild, anarchic energy of the comic strip</p>
— pixelatedboat aka "mr tweets" (@pixelatedboat) <a href="https://twitter.com/pixelatedboat/status/1455410767688134657?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 2, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Just defragging my brain, please ignore. <a href="https://t.co/fSNknwFDN6">pic.twitter.com/fSNknwFDN6</a></p>
— Daniel Kibblesmith (@kibblesmith) <a href="https://twitter.com/kibblesmith/status/1455309508226560009?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 1, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/ULtsNr0sOl">pic.twitter.com/ULtsNr0sOl</a></p>
— Darth Erogenous (@darth_erogenous) <a href="https://twitter.com/darth_erogenous/status/1455220472539402251?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 1, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I just remembered this and have been cracking up for 5 mins <a href="https://t.co/K0pFC11R1x">pic.twitter.com/K0pFC11R1x</a></p>
— lana delco rey (@JawnValjawn) <a href="https://twitter.com/JawnValjawn/status/1455331815841992704?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 2, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">being a musician is the best job in the world...you make no money and then you play a song and someone goes to you at merch and says "my dad killed my mom and my 3 brothers and i listened to your album 3 times a day" and then puts a beer on the shirt you're selling for money</p>
— ivan : ) (@JoannaNewSum41) <a href="https://twitter.com/JoannaNewSum41/status/1455191062960558082?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 1, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<strong>November 2</strong><br>
&nbsp;
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">(people in 1994) i think i'll watch music videos on tv for an hour</p>
— dylan (@spiritnght2) <a href="https://twitter.com/spiritnght2/status/1455540745281183745?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 2, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">SHE BETTER TALK HER SHIT!!!!!! <a href="https://t.co/LZtk4Wz5km">pic.twitter.com/LZtk4Wz5km</a></p>
— jam (@fcknjam) <a href="https://twitter.com/fcknjam/status/1455686473282252802?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 3, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">This image really changed the course of my life <a href="https://t.co/mRi1xzS30O">pic.twitter.com/mRi1xzS30O</a></p>
— Editor, The Charlene Observer (@Business_Trans) <a href="https://twitter.com/Business_Trans/status/1455569147170103301?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 2, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I apologize for not responding to your e-mail sooner. One day all of us will have to convince ourselves we spent the gift of time on earth well.</p>
— Sufferer of Mental Lillness (@onyxaminedlife) <a href="https://twitter.com/onyxaminedlife/status/1455618046396141575?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 2, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">self undiagnosing. I'm fine</p>
— fatima⁷ (@fatimasvogue) <a href="https://twitter.com/fatimasvogue/status/1455611006709899270?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 2, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Pete Davidson should work as a consultant for the Democratic party on how to appeal to white women</p>
— literary agent needing jerk (@rajandelman) <a href="https://twitter.com/rajandelman/status/1455745628936486920?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 3, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">It's so weird when voters are like, "Democrats can't clean up the horrific mess Republicans made fast enough so we should elect more Republicans."</p>
— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) <a href="https://twitter.com/Mikel_Jollett/status/1455721298504470529?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 3, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Damn they got on Dave nerves that bad? <a href="https://t.co/J16nh6kXAL">https://t.co/J16nh6kXAL</a></p>
— HOOD VOGUE is tired of poverty (@keyon) <a href="https://twitter.com/keyon/status/1455647813686243332?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 2, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<strong>November 3</strong><br>
&nbsp;
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/QnhM8K9i2T">pic.twitter.com/QnhM8K9i2T</a></p>
— josh (@thejoshkizer) <a href="https://twitter.com/thejoshkizer/status/1455956345207799810?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 3, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">american public school is wild bro i bet this was at 10 in the morning too <a href="https://t.co/quFFlRTDxz">pic.twitter.com/quFFlRTDxz</a></p>
— little snackie ☭ (@trashbrainbaby) <a href="https://twitter.com/trashbrainbaby/status/1456125913238622208?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 4, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">are duolingo employees ok? <a href="https://t.co/PUgOJQQET3">pic.twitter.com/PUgOJQQET3</a></p>
— ✨V✨ (@coolauntV) <a href="https://twitter.com/coolauntV/status/1455991239732387843?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 3, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">When my friends are trying to teach me the rules of a card game and I physically cannot listen. <a href="https://t.co/ir53r3bSIr">pic.twitter.com/ir53r3bSIr</a></p>
— Diego Lopez (@thisdiegolopez) <a href="https://twitter.com/thisdiegolopez/status/1455893008885354499?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 3, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<strong>November 4</strong><br>
&nbsp;
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">ladies, imagine the erotic thrill of a stranger saying he likes your shoes, then shaking your hand, then hanging onto your hand and stroking it while he asks you if you live nearby <a href="https://t.co/W3j5XVZENP">pic.twitter.com/W3j5XVZENP</a></p>
— illy bocean (@IllyBocean) <a href="https://twitter.com/IllyBocean/status/1456184492540846083?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 4, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/nokIiGfcpc">pic.twitter.com/nokIiGfcpc</a></p>
— SNL Hosts Introducing the Musical Guest (@snlhostsintro) <a href="https://twitter.com/snlhostsintro/status/1456377563283030016?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 4, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">DONT EAT STEAK FROM DOLLAR TREE <a href="https://t.co/JsVmOyg7PI">pic.twitter.com/JsVmOyg7PI</a></p>
— . (@BREEZEoBREEZE) <a href="https://twitter.com/BREEZEoBREEZE/status/1456108635612930057?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 4, 2021</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Started/ going <a href="https://t.co/zfX0T0SSIT">pic.twitter.com/zfX0T0SSIT</a></p>
— Molly Jong-Fast (@MollyJongFast) <a href="https://twitter.com/MollyJongFast/status/1456388869188952064?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 4, 2021</a></blockquote>
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Vish Khanna

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: November 5, 2021

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