October 6
this can't be happening right in front of me pic.twitter.com/9R7jwuUbB6
— vin🏁 (@vinandwesson) October 6, 2018
Chuck Grassley: 85
— Denizcan Grimes (@MrFilmkritik) October 6, 2018
Orrin Hatch: 84
Richard Shelby: 84
Jim Inhofe: 83
Pat Roberts: 82
Lamar Alexander: 82
Mitch McConnell: 76
These dinosaurs should not be in a position where they can make decisions that will ripple for decades.
me: how bad is it doc
— Trey (@continentlbkfst) October 6, 2018
Dr: she's developed a severe case of decorative house speech disorder
my mom: Life is what happens between 𝐂𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐄 & 𝒲𝒾𝓃𝑒
Dr: I'm so sorry
my mom: 𝓑𝓵𝓮𝓼𝓼 the 𝙁𝙤𝙤𝙙 before us, the 𝐅𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 beside us, and the 𝐿𝑜𝓋𝑒 between us
White People: "This is the lowest point America has ever reached"
— Hulk Hogan We Comin For You Nigga (@WhatUpJT) October 6, 2018
Black People:
pic.twitter.com/hlcKHf1OJA
October 7
What an awful time to be attracted to men.
— Jennifer McAuliffe (@JenniferJokes) October 8, 2018
we got a bad review in ROLLING STONE lol remember when we tried to sue them
— Fucked Up (@FUCKEDUP) October 7, 2018
If I've learned anything over the last two years it's that the only person who will be punished for a powerful man committing sexual assault is a female comedy writer
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) October 8, 2018
Taylor Swift cares more about black people than Kanye West and now I need to lay down because I got a headache just from tweeting that.
— Ragnarok Lobster (@eclecticbrotha) October 8, 2018
2009 TWITTER - a hashtag combining cats and movies! This'll be fun!
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) October 8, 2018
2018 TWITTER - You're tweet clearly meant as a joke has slightly offended one person you've never met therefore your career is over and you must spend the rest of your life in a cave. Also, Apocalypse Meow
October 8
It's wild that climate change is completely solvable, except that everyone in a position to solve it is an asshole
— pixelated (something halloween-related) (@pixelatedboat) October 8, 2018
Clark Kent: *sets glasses on kitchen table*
— Steve vs Ninjas (@stevevsninjas) October 8, 2018
Lois Lane: Is that our table? I don't recognize it.
Guinness World Record holders for Most Saliva In A Single Round Of Appetizers. pic.twitter.com/UULyafz4sS
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) October 8, 2018
It's a really scary time for dudes right now. So I wrote a song about it. Go #vote friends! #TheResistance #1Thing @ACLU @WC4SJ #letsmakesomenoise pic.twitter.com/hz7E3xMRqR
— Lynzy Lab (@mercedeslynz) October 8, 2018
anyway here's the most carefree deer in the world prancing along the beach at dawn 🦌 pic.twitter.com/MIKtsOtDYb
— Ian Laking (@IHLaking) October 8, 2018
I am dying 😂😂😂😂
— StanceGrounded (@_SJPeace_) October 8, 2018
This family called the cops on some whales 😂
I can't breathe 😂
RETWEET! pic.twitter.com/bIpvOAsS4f
OMG, I can't stop laughing.
— Erick Fernandez (@ErickFernandez) October 9, 2018
A @Fire_Ted_Cruz ad making fun of the idea that Ted Cruz is "Tough as Texas"
"If somebody called my wife a dog and said my daddy was in on the Kennedy assassination, I wouldn't be kissing their ass." 🤣🤣🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/ecZ145nzJi
October 9
Mamma Mia 3: Pappa Pia
— Female Batman (@ElleOhHell) October 10, 2018
back in high school this one kid and i hated each other and one day he randomly gave me a $25 gift card to texas roadhouse. i was like... wow ok maybe you're not so bad. i go to texas roadhouse and eat a $25 meal only to find out he put $1 on the card and wrote $25 on it.
— jake (@squidslippers) October 9, 2018
porn is fake. girl and guy are not in love
— Mega Ultra (@inteIIegents) October 8, 2018
White girls in porn: pic.twitter.com/e3XgA6OBlm
— Murrland Monroe (@StillRockLocs) October 10, 2018
October 10
this year for halloween i am going as anxiety, which will be depicted as the three dots that show someone is writing you a text
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 10, 2018
It's cool how twitter has a button for "I want to show this tweet to my followers" and a button for "I like this but I don't want to show it to my followers" and they're just gradually reversing what the two buttons do
— Mike F (@mikefossey) October 10, 2018
Holy shite moreen 😂 pic.twitter.com/7xufZeBTyk
— B (@1brendann) October 10, 2018
god damn this is such a good tweet pic.twitter.com/MB6DV6NPsP
— taking a break from online - vote nov 6! (@jules_su) October 10, 2018
Greenville SC : We know black people ain't do this. Why? : 1) Black people don't go around spray painting black power on stuff!!! : 2) F*ck 911? Black people have code words for cops, bruh. And 911 also includes paramedics and the fire department. 😂 We're not that stupid. pic.twitter.com/ae2uaCYFOo
— 𝕛𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕚𝕖 𝕣𝕖𝕕𝕕🌹 (@thereddempress_) October 10, 2018
Outspoken child advocate Rick Moranis shrinks own kids. https://t.co/XAh9CS2wTj
— Ronald Funches (@RonFunches) October 10, 2018
October 11
Katie is savage. pic.twitter.com/c86AR9CUDe
— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) October 11, 2018
Birds aren't real. pic.twitter.com/Z5XqFqvNQU
— Mr. Drinks On Me (@Mr_DrinksOnMe) October 11, 2018
tweet like this more. https://t.co/C8Cjdjt5Sw
— Caroline O. (@RVAwonk) October 11, 2018
Kanye saying a MAGA hat makes him feel like a man...while Hillary emasculated him... says everything I need to know about him as a human
— Sowmya Krishnamurthy (@SowmyaK) October 11, 2018
Never forget.
— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) October 11, 2018
My President was right about Kanye. pic.twitter.com/z1kbHs2Aar
So campaigning and spending time with a superstar rapper is inappropriate while Americans are reeling from a major storm, or....?https://t.co/13s3H4hdrx
— Jake Tapper (@jaketapper) October 11, 2018
lmao Kanye's iPhone password is 000000 pic.twitter.com/mEM5Tjq0po
— Del Slappo (@misterjamo) October 11, 2018
What does the future hold for your children? pic.twitter.com/VQXJswcngn
— Baroness von Sketch (@BaronessShow) October 11, 2018
October 12
"Yes!" - music fan, finding out that the child of a dead band member is touring with the band
— ghoulies toilet demon (@mbalazo) October 12, 2018
Wow these brands are moving in very different directions pic.twitter.com/NbYHldzOHE
— pixelated (something halloween-related) (@pixelatedboat) October 12, 2018
Oh, honey, they weren't bragging. https://t.co/SMWDoMVcPG
— Nick Ross (@NickBossRoss) October 12, 2018