Johnny's rotten and Sid's ferocious, a math wiz who's precocious, the presidential debate is atrocious, '90s kids shouldn't be braggadocious, and much more from this week in funny tweets.<br>
<br>
<strong>September 25</strong>
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">My friend was parked next to this at a Wawa in Maryland this morning and it has to be performance art, right? <a href="https://t.co/40b17zWtnF">pic.twitter.com/40b17zWtnF</a></p>
— Greg Bennett (@GreggyBennett) <a href="https://twitter.com/GreggyBennett/status/1309614904102576128?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 25, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">"Can you multitask?" Bro I have ADHD. Yes and no.</p>
— �������� 🌺🦦 (@AlexDaWise) <a href="https://twitter.com/AlexDaWise/status/1309657639530508290?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 26, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I don't use this verbiage often but this is a whole vibe. simple as that <a href="https://t.co/NfdLsgLkxu">pic.twitter.com/NfdLsgLkxu</a></p>
— DrewFrog (@DrewFrogger) <a href="https://twitter.com/DrewFrogger/status/1309531633545089024?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 25, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">She spilled the beans. Where is he, Kamala?!!! <a href="https://t.co/VcmohQioq1">https://t.co/VcmohQioq1</a></p>
— FOST (@GeorgeFoster72) <a href="https://twitter.com/GeorgeFoster72/status/1309648705969156107?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 26, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Date idea: they come over at 9 PM and you both take 2 melatonin and get 10 hours of sleep</p>
— Soel Jchillinger (@Soeljchillinger) <a href="https://twitter.com/Soeljchillinger/status/1309695794182844418?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 26, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">dentist: your gums are bleeding<br>
<br>
me: because you flossed them<br>
<br>
dentist: because you don't floss<br>
<br>
me: because they bleed when I do floss<br>
<br>
dentist: BECAUSE YOU DON'T FLOSS!<br>
<br>
me: BECAUSE IT MAKES MY GUMS BLEED!</p>
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheAndrewNadeau/status/1309658798286688257?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 26, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
<br>
<strong>September 26</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">come on <a href="https://t.co/QjCvnc8k41">pic.twitter.com/QjCvnc8k41</a></p>
— jordan (@JordanUhl) <a href="https://twitter.com/JordanUhl/status/1309985546668773376?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 26, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Get this kid a twitter account ASAP. An actual savant. <a href="https://t.co/4hgoup908X">pic.twitter.com/4hgoup908X</a></p>
— Flick (@Frediculous) <a href="https://twitter.com/Frediculous/status/1309898452206153728?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 26, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Law is wild. People venerate stuff written over 200 years ago. In medicine we're like "look what these ancient dummies thought in the 1990s"</p>
— Erek Majka (@ErekMajka) <a href="https://twitter.com/ErekMajka/status/1310059509797343232?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 27, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Seeing Keira Knightley outside of a period piece is like running into a teacher outside of school.</p>
— Ciara Wardlow (@ciara_wardlow) <a href="https://twitter.com/ciara_wardlow/status/1309880884175220736?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 26, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Wish there was another word for "anti-Antifa" <a href="https://t.co/ZjAPdddgJt">https://t.co/ZjAPdddgJt</a></p>
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) <a href="https://twitter.com/ChaseMit/status/1309920837982535680?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 26, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">i have no interest in the travis scott burger. call me when burger king collabs with cardi b and megan for the WAPper</p>
— 👻 ������������ ������ 👻 (@spacebrat_) <a href="https://twitter.com/spacebrat_/status/1309886052002299904?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 26, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Dog watches a soccer game 😂 <a href="https://t.co/0hHIN2RyFJ">pic.twitter.com/0hHIN2RyFJ</a></p>
— Akki (@akkitwts) <a href="https://twitter.com/akkitwts/status/1309879554664624129?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 26, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
<br>
<strong>September 27</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">the cool thing about rigged tax codes, and 40 hour work weeks, and health insurance, and electoral colleges, is that it's all fake shit we made up and literally do not have to do</p>
— rob (@robwhisman) <a href="https://twitter.com/robwhisman/status/1310392650659328000?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I don't get it when I see skinny people running..... aren't you done???</p>
— J*ckie (@jackies_backie) <a href="https://twitter.com/jackies_backie/status/1310245939098144770?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 27, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Thinking of some of my "this edible isn't shit" moments. Fav was when I wanted a new candle and just Googled "the store"</p>
— Sophie (@jil_slander) <a href="https://twitter.com/jil_slander/status/1310401020573425669?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Trump really paid less in taxes than most Wheel of Fortune contestants spend on vowels</p>
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) <a href="https://twitter.com/gilbertjasono/status/1310349324048576512?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 27, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">billionaires don't pay taxes folks. this is not news. bernie did two whole presidential campaigns about it</p>
— funke (@RFFunke) <a href="https://twitter.com/RFFunke/status/1310388452727242752?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Imagine what would happen if everybody paid 750 dollars a year in federal income tax there would be like 9 people in the army</p>
— Jason Isbell (@JasonIsbell) <a href="https://twitter.com/JasonIsbell/status/1310459169607225344?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">imagine spending seventy thousand dollars on your hair and ending up with a fucked up rat's nest of cotton candy spaghetti pissmop bullshit on top of your big dumb pumpkin head</p>
— Jeff Tiedrich (@itsJeffTiedrich) <a href="https://twitter.com/itsJeffTiedrich/status/1310573864393551874?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Raise your hand if you created the Bush-era tax cuts <a href="https://t.co/hmQqPDnLnF">https://t.co/hmQqPDnLnF</a></p>
— Kamran Fareedi (@kamran_fareedi) <a href="https://twitter.com/kamran_fareedi/status/1310439597080555521?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Men be treating their bedsheets like a damn cast iron pan</p>
— KELGORE (@KelgoreTrout) <a href="https://twitter.com/KelgoreTrout/status/1310320568420372480?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 27, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
<br>
<strong>September 28</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">how we market wine to women <a href="https://t.co/qmzjhkK278">pic.twitter.com/qmzjhkK278</a></p>
— kylie brakeman (@deadeyebrakeman) <a href="https://twitter.com/deadeyebrakeman/status/1310655373817200640?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Hillary was right about the Russians, she was right about Donald not being a billionaire, she was right about the criminally low tax payments and all that would be revealed by his returns. But you guys didn't like her pantsuits, right? Her haircut? The tone of her voice?</p>
— Abigail Disney (@abigaildisney) <a href="https://twitter.com/abigaildisney/status/1310585593227812864?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script> &nbsp;

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I think it's pretty progressive that America made their poorest person president.</p>
— Matthew Broussard (@mondaypunday) <a href="https://twitter.com/mondaypunday/status/1310599621920595968?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
&nbsp;
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">People are making fun of this tweet, but Lydon kicked out the only capable songwriter in the Sex Pistols and replaced him with a talentless fuckup he was friends with, which is actually very similar to Trump's handling of federal agencies <a href="https://t.co/xu1SM660iJ">https://t.co/xu1SM660iJ</a></p>
— pixelatedboat aka "mr tweets" (@pixelatedboat) <a href="https://twitter.com/pixelatedboat/status/1310797688867180544?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 29, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">the only interesting thing that has ever or will ever happen to the sex pistols <a href="https://t.co/vYSGMgIubC">pic.twitter.com/vYSGMgIubC</a></p>
— Dan Ozzi (@danozzi) <a href="https://twitter.com/danozzi/status/1310662928371085312?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">men should not be finding things funny. manslaughter is illegal for a reason</p>
— Rachel 👻 (@femaleredhead) <a href="https://twitter.com/femaleredhead/status/1310592116494602244?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 28, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
<br>
<strong>September 29</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">America is going to fall apart <a href="https://t.co/1RmVASbIfF">https://t.co/1RmVASbIfF</a></p>
— isa (@moisturizeds) <a href="https://twitter.com/moisturizeds/status/1311138054485217280?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">"i'm a 90's kid" no you're a 30 year old man</p>
— wilson (@MediumWilly) <a href="https://twitter.com/MediumWilly/status/1311070574177779712?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 29, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">American Horror Story: America</p>
— Raquel Willis (@RaquelWillis_) <a href="https://twitter.com/RaquelWillis_/status/1311119861762928641?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Trevor reacts to the first "presidential debate." <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/DebatableTakes?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#DebatableTakes</a> <a href="https://t.co/TkSIYgdHlH">pic.twitter.com/TkSIYgdHlH</a></p>
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheDailyShow/status/1311165206353993729?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Huge if true <a href="https://t.co/NXeTcyle9P">pic.twitter.com/NXeTcyle9P</a></p>
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) <a href="https://twitter.com/KevinFarzad/status/1311123972235223041?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">As an undecided voter it's just so hard for me to choose between the guy who called on his white supremacist gangs to terrorize Americans and the guy who didn't do that</p>
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheDweck/status/1311142664486748161?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
<br>
<strong>September 30</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Amazing rice art! 🔥 <a href="https://t.co/2lViMl2obg">pic.twitter.com/2lViMl2obg</a></p>
— Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden_) <a href="https://twitter.com/buitengebieden_/status/1311422416166572038?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">wait did anyone see this part of the debate? <a href="https://t.co/rMaiQYzrL8">pic.twitter.com/rMaiQYzrL8</a></p>
— Brian Kramer 🦀🍏 (@brianrkramer) <a href="https://twitter.com/brianrkramer/status/1311318791519973378?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Jagshemash my name Borat Sagdiyev, I like mouth party. Thank you Mr. Sacha Karen Cohen for let me usings your visual fax machine. Please you will look on this space tomorrow at 8.07pm Kazakhstan Time. Chenquieh <a href="https://t.co/akdvw7vlTJ">pic.twitter.com/akdvw7vlTJ</a></p>
— Sacha Baron Cohen (@SachaBaronCohen) <a href="https://twitter.com/SachaBaronCohen/status/1311501623571574785?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 1, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I'm crying <a href="https://t.co/g7sipOtgrr">pic.twitter.com/g7sipOtgrr</a></p>
— Bukky (@_Ebuka) <a href="https://twitter.com/_Ebuka/status/1311264237826838530?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I would best describe <a href="https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@realDonaldTrump</a>'s debate performance as a kamikaze pilot shooting himself in the face with a bazooka on the way down.</p>
— Spiro Agnew's Ghost (@SpiroAgnewGhost) <a href="https://twitter.com/SpiroAgnewGhost/status/1311328515497758721?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">the only good thing about twitter is that every other week someone posts another example of jane fonda being cool as shit <a href="https://t.co/dZGmqhrehn">https://t.co/dZGmqhrehn</a></p>
— Olivia Craighead (@oliviacraighead) <a href="https://twitter.com/oliviacraighead/status/1311312213412642818?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 30, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br>
<br>
<strong>October 1</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Trains don't use highway exits. <a href="https://t.co/1z7AjOmTVQ">https://t.co/1z7AjOmTVQ</a></p>
— Ed Markey (@EdMarkey) <a href="https://twitter.com/EdMarkey/status/1311750791766704129?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 1, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Watch this: <a href="https://t.co/e6Sniq2DCc">https://t.co/e6Sniq2DCc</a></p>
— Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) <a href="https://twitter.com/KevinMKruse/status/1311763945095606274?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 1, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">It's happening!!!! <a href="https://t.co/0GKeVORsLm">https://t.co/0GKeVORsLm</a></p>
— Tim Heidecker (@timheidecker) <a href="https://twitter.com/timheidecker/status/1311892584680189952?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 2, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Hope Hicks slay queen!</p>
— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) <a href="https://twitter.com/ihatejoelkim/status/1311895991222583302?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 2, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>

Vish Khanna

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: October 1, 2020

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