Only you can prevent gender, the end of Ford Summer Sales splendour, the politician sports fan pretender, the skies look like fruit in a blender, and much more from this week in funny tweets.<br>
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<strong>September 4</strong>

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<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/yZHLDd5H2Z">pic.twitter.com/yZHLDd5H2Z</a></p>
— Cursed Conspiraboomer Images (@conspiraboomers) <a href="https://twitter.com/conspiraboomers/status/1301997497443930114?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 4, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">If I can smell yo breath thru yo mask u need to go to the hospital</p>
— DevontaFrmDblock (@vontafrmdblock) <a href="https://twitter.com/vontafrmdblock/status/1302021937707716608?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 4, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">the funniest gender stereotype is "boys like trains" like what the fuck does that even mean</p>
— ً (@WARVHS) <a href="https://twitter.com/WARVHS/status/1301864089753399298?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 4, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Not even five hours apart <a href="https://t.co/9JrUSA1TDH">pic.twitter.com/9JrUSA1TDH</a></p>
— Zach (@Zach__Frank) <a href="https://twitter.com/Zach__Frank/status/1302049083763429380?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I wanna hear from Her <a href="https://t.co/Sqss98Qm9x">pic.twitter.com/Sqss98Qm9x</a></p>
— Connor 🔍👀 (@McConnortock) <a href="https://twitter.com/McConnortock/status/1302064285443481601?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Man, Biden's response on Qanon! "I'm a supporter of mental health and I urge them to take advantage of the things in the Affordable Care Act while it's still there."</p>
— Robert A George (@RobGeorge) <a href="https://twitter.com/RobGeorge/status/1301933291222839298?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 4, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">the best part about this is Russ is screaming those obscenities directly at the players' families and children in a dead quiet gym. no-one is safe. <a href="https://t.co/SK3uFoZIJn">pic.twitter.com/SK3uFoZIJn</a></p>
— Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) <a href="https://twitter.com/WorldWideWob/status/1302086019538464768?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>September 5</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Not my sister stripping while the house on fire......I can't breathe <a href="https://t.co/51JnHMHdeV">pic.twitter.com/51JnHMHdeV</a></p>
— amy thalang stan account (@jiggyblackgurl) <a href="https://twitter.com/jiggyblackgurl/status/1302372589491363846?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">the problem w/ the Kentucky Derby is that they're literally all horses. very boring. put one of each animal out there &amp; let's learn a thing or two</p>
— Dan Perlman (@danjperlman) <a href="https://twitter.com/danjperlman/status/1302389026205380611?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">PIGMENT OF HER IMAGINATION <a href="https://t.co/JEigDgPuRB">https://t.co/JEigDgPuRB</a></p>
— ✨Juniper Jones✨ (@motherjuniper) <a href="https://twitter.com/motherjuniper/status/1302322595828838406?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">my grandpa is unhinged <a href="https://t.co/8RwoJAbJrR">pic.twitter.com/8RwoJAbJrR</a></p>
— oreagano (@raygunpew) <a href="https://twitter.com/raygunpew/status/1302319676408631297?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/FYph8XfoIF">pic.twitter.com/FYph8XfoIF</a></p>
— 📸 (@THINGEO) <a href="https://twitter.com/THINGEO/status/1302235446320287744?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">"if I could play devils advocate for a second" dude just let me talk to the devil himself u are so annoying</p>
— first-mate prance (@bocxtop) <a href="https://twitter.com/bocxtop/status/1302278270893928449?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Let's go SkyDiving he said. It will be fun he said <a href="https://t.co/w1P5N1p8tb">pic.twitter.com/w1P5N1p8tb</a></p>
— Unhip.OldGuy (@UOldguy) <a href="https://twitter.com/UOldguy/status/1302384003756875776?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">guys just a heads up that it's the final days of the ford summer sales event</p>
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) <a href="https://twitter.com/taylorgarron/status/1302394912156114944?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">sometimes i think i died and woke up in an snl skit <a href="https://t.co/YHcOQfLtD2">https://t.co/YHcOQfLtD2</a></p>
— lens (@notbalin) <a href="https://twitter.com/notbalin/status/1302301926156054528?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>September 6</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">when you sleep on an air mattress you're sleeping on the sighs of your younger self</p>
— Matt O'Brien (@matt_obrien) <a href="https://twitter.com/matt_obrien/status/1302652620872581121?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 6, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">It feels so weird that we can't just, like, take a year off from things <a href="https://t.co/dGBtrAMQQC">pic.twitter.com/dGBtrAMQQC</a></p>
— Sandwich Judge🥪👩‍⚖️ (@SandwichJudge) <a href="https://twitter.com/SandwichJudge/status/1302609943128928257?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 6, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I'll say this again, the ocean is a terrifying place. <a href="https://t.co/sPVYaNg5jm">https://t.co/sPVYaNg5jm</a></p>
— Sgt. Wolf Medellín (@LegAcey22) <a href="https://twitter.com/LegAcey22/status/1302694485281955845?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 6, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">losing it at this <a href="https://t.co/U298pO1HQs">pic.twitter.com/U298pO1HQs</a></p>
— abraham bloodshack 🏗 (@pleasedontatme) <a href="https://twitter.com/pleasedontatme/status/1302824213112266752?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 7, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Bodega sign on Ave C. <a href="https://t.co/0q8htOdjRM">pic.twitter.com/0q8htOdjRM</a></p>
— EdenBrower (@edenbrower) <a href="https://twitter.com/edenbrower/status/1302780944554786817?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 7, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Edward Scissorhands (1990) <a href="https://t.co/vKdRRoGfBr">pic.twitter.com/vKdRRoGfBr</a></p>
— Saddington 2 ✈️🥺 (@2Saddington) <a href="https://twitter.com/2Saddington/status/1302845602544472064?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 7, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>September 7</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">me: I bought a gun because of my bird phobia<br>
<br>
therapist: you might be getting carried away<br>
<br>
me: *firing into the ceiling* not without a fight</p>
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) <a href="https://twitter.com/Browtweaten/status/1303022794213658625?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 7, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/Gudg6i0FyE">pic.twitter.com/Gudg6i0FyE</a></p>
— Devin Nunes' cow 🐮 (@DevinCow) <a href="https://twitter.com/DevinCow/status/1303208368161652737?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">My sister got a net to keep the dog in the back seat but she does not accept <a href="https://t.co/LKFlOqBSBL">pic.twitter.com/LKFlOqBSBL</a></p>
— scythe holder (@metal_crab) <a href="https://twitter.com/metal_crab/status/1303092279167668224?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 7, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">If unions didn't work, employers wouldn't be afraid of them. <a href="https://t.co/H3MSvmGAcl">pic.twitter.com/H3MSvmGAcl</a></p>
— Bragrman (@bragrman) <a href="https://twitter.com/bragrman/status/1303189372519424000?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">for sale<br>
bachelor's degree<br>
never used</p>
— schrödinger's sex doll (@bbandakiller) <a href="https://twitter.com/bbandakiller/status/1303156952638390274?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/4E0KpOwY1a">pic.twitter.com/4E0KpOwY1a</a></p>
— Bris Angel (@Cryptoterra) <a href="https://twitter.com/Cryptoterra/status/1303098643826630656?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 7, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">congrats!!! <a href="https://t.co/Fc9Kl1aCvc">pic.twitter.com/Fc9Kl1aCvc</a></p>
— sreekar (@sreekyshooter) <a href="https://twitter.com/sreekyshooter/status/1303094461677756416?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 7, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>September 8</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Only You Can Prevent Gender</p>
— zach s-w (@nerdosyndical) <a href="https://twitter.com/nerdosyndical/status/1303375644705935362?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">This morning my wife asked me whether I had any dark stuff, and I admitted that between the pandemic and the Trump administration I've been feeling a paralyzing mix of anxiety and depression.<br>
<br>
Then she said "No, I'm putting a load of laundry in."</p>
— (((Josh Malina))) (@JoshMalina) <a href="https://twitter.com/JoshMalina/status/1303384456003166208?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Men will soak a pan for 18 hours.</p>
— Katie Hannigan (@katiehannigan) <a href="https://twitter.com/katiehannigan/status/1303496155330949120?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">should i live in new york where people think i'm stupid or LA where people think i'm ugly</p>
— trash jones (@jzux) <a href="https://twitter.com/jzux/status/1303543627377856512?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Turns out people who took videos at concerts on their phones were RIGHT this whole time.</p>
— Brandie Posey (@Brandazzle) <a href="https://twitter.com/Brandazzle/status/1303376951759921152?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Imagine if you saw a dude fighting a larger unrelenting robot version of himself and then he just suplexes it off a cliff <a href="https://t.co/6ghTXZ0T8T">https://t.co/6ghTXZ0T8T</a></p>
— Suri 🐢 𓆉 (@Suribot) <a href="https://twitter.com/Suribot/status/1303452668296409090?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 8, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>September 9</strong>

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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Trump: I didn't want to cause a panic.<br>
<br>
Also Trump: CARAVAN! ANTIFA! CITIES ARE WAR ZONES! THEY WANT TO TAKE YOUR GUNS! NO MORE CHRISTMAS! ILLEGALS ARE VOTING IN THE MILLIONS! CHINA! DEEP STATE!<br>
<br>
We have the most Covid cases and deaths in the world for one reason: TRUMP LIED!</p>
— Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) <a href="https://twitter.com/DannyZuker/status/1303798046384242688?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">It's fucked up we didn't know about climate change from 2008 - 2016 <a href="https://t.co/g6Brb4sSDh">https://t.co/g6Brb4sSDh</a></p>
— jake (@tony_magoni) <a href="https://twitter.com/tony_magoni/status/1303875873662173189?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 10, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Imagine showing this tweet to yourself a year ago and explaining "oh no, the masks aren't because the sky is orange, that's for a different thing." <a href="https://t.co/nnqoOBk3uM">https://t.co/nnqoOBk3uM</a></p>
— Meredith Haggerty (@manymanywords) <a href="https://twitter.com/manymanywords/status/1303811746000515072?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Just looked outside my window here in California wtf <a href="https://t.co/VAdsdbjbyr">pic.twitter.com/VAdsdbjbyr</a></p>
— D'laney (@brennanmdg) <a href="https://twitter.com/brennanmdg/status/1303810221475655680?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 9, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">TikTok and that cups song from Pitch Perfect narrowly avoiding each other like asteroids</p>
— Marc (@MarcSnetiker) <a href="https://twitter.com/MarcSnetiker/status/1303912425876459520?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 10, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">"Are we still on?" - An attempt to cancel</p>
— Gladys Knife (@jewelnotjule) <a href="https://twitter.com/jewelnotjule/status/1304022693633765378?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 10, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">It's so unfair that they keep coming after Trump, armed with *tape recorders* and then have the nerve to play back his own words for all of us to hear. That's messed up. Protect him, Jim! <a href="https://t.co/pMp6tFAt6a">https://t.co/pMp6tFAt6a</a></p>
— Rep. Eric Swalwell (@RepSwalwell) <a href="https://twitter.com/RepSwalwell/status/1304061516350664707?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 10, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<p lang="en" dir="ltr">This guy is really relatable. I also watch the sports match on a 7-inch TV from 500 yards away while wearing a full suit in the comfort of my own home <a href="https://t.co/Lsw8JfPcF5">https://t.co/Lsw8JfPcF5</a></p>
— Cadence Weapon (@cadenceweapon) <a href="https://twitter.com/cadenceweapon/status/1304065924299984897?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 10, 2020</a></blockquote>
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Vish Khanna

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: September 10, 2020

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