A commemorative Leonard Cohen stamp, Sean Spicer goes camp, Alexa warps a little scamp, George Carlin was a champ, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

September 14

If a regular crackhead did this on a corner y'all would call the police. https://t.co/CiCnAIokCb
— chéri 🍒 (@sogodly_) September 14, 2019

Saying 'yes daddy'

- boring
- overused
- reinforces patriarchal ideals

Saying 'yes chef'

- cool
- inventive
- gender neutral
— Chloé🌛 (@chlostrophobic) September 14, 2019

That McDonald's sprite Got his ass 😭 pic.twitter.com/EUUmQmDuIe
— Niggaz Be WILIN (@NiggazWILIN) September 14, 2019

What I found when I went to get in the shower this morning. pic.twitter.com/IBoFzkCrYB
— Dave M (@SpotTheLoon2010) September 15, 2019

September 15

This is some funny sh*t...😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/C5sNUR3h9B
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) September 15, 2019

Bro in law sent me this pic.twitter.com/cA8tLncFRE
— Secular Talk (@KyleKulinski) September 15, 2019

Recently someone asked me what it's like travelling alone (whilst Black / whilst woman), I asked them to zoom into the background of this picture... 💀💀💀 pic.twitter.com/uyO3zMeTzW
— Yasmin Joseph (@YasminNoEplz) September 15, 2019

Who the hell cares about Joe Biden's age? You have kids in cages. You have 10 years left to confront climate change. Millions who can't see a doctor. Nearly 40,000 gun deaths a year. A lawless president. We have to talk about the big things people in this country care about. https://t.co/03LKnAaYEj
— Beto O'Rourke (@BetoORourke) September 15, 2019

Taylor Swift meets Tool in 1999 pic.twitter.com/0ZRmdSOkcH
— Shawn Garrett (@ShawnGarrett) September 15, 2019

straight white men getting into comedy pic.twitter.com/i6ftHK5twK
— jaboukie? (@jaboukie) September 15, 2019

September 16

I would have watched 3.25 hours of this over Titanic. pic.twitter.com/5Je6YHK8TK
— John Kerrison (@johnkerrison) September 16, 2019

When I say I nearly passed out from laughing... pic.twitter.com/TJgpLocqrL
— Yashar Ali 🐘 (@yashar) September 16, 2019

Just two millionaires taking their private jets to exchange shoes but it's your use of plastic straws that is killing the world. https://t.co/NS05HI1C0l
— Parker (@panoparker) September 16, 2019

SNL must return to the hiring model that first made the show a success: bussing talent in from Canada, giving them cocaine and having them all fuck each other.
— Peter Taggart (@petertaggart) September 16, 2019

September 17

My friend's entire company is locked out of their WeWork office because an umbrella fell, jamming the door.

No one can figure it out. It's been like this for 2 days. pic.twitter.com/ggaUkgYRFR
— Neeraj K. Agrawal (@NeerajKA) September 17, 2019

[job interview]
interviewer: so god killed all your kids?
job: that's right
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) September 17, 2019

So I got hired for this job but then they heard on some podcast I did years ago I said "I love everybody so much!" And then they DOUBLE hired me!!
— New Account Chris Locke (@chrislockeworld) September 17, 2019

It's called method acting https://t.co/7u2YrtK3sM
— Danny Brown (@xdannyxbrownx) September 17, 2019

Me *enters new password*

Computer: ok

Me: Aren't you going tell me it's too weak?

Computer: It is but you don't handle criticism very well

Me *crying* that's not true
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) September 17, 2019

People asking 'set times?' on the fb event for a 2-band bill I admire your commitment to missing our set
— Tough Age (@toughage) September 17, 2019

What in gay hell pic.twitter.com/A4W0h1hNeO
— Randy Rainbow (@RandyRainbow) September 17, 2019

September 18

no one:
my teeth: https://t.co/RWBOSvPXTw
— **** (@surrealsermons) September 18, 2019

Chucky costume for dog? Take my money, please. #horror #horrorfans pic.twitter.com/tTEHVFrzJJ
— My Favorite Horror (@FavoriteHorror) September 18, 2019

Please help to free a woman who has been incarcerated for 14 years in a federal penitentiary for the unforgivable crime of providing a decent education for her child. Let's get this hashtag trending. #FreeFelicity https://t.co/t1ToVH1bHh
— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) September 18, 2019

I want to be in the meeting where this idea was proposed pic.twitter.com/Bf5KpQF716
— Tariq Rauf (@tariqrauf) September 18, 2019

September 19

Why is everyone so surprised that Stephen Miller has a girlfriend? Joseph Goebbels got married and had 6 kids with his wife, Magda. Then he & Magda murdered all 6 kids with cyanide at the end of WWII. So there really is someone for everyone out there.
— Hilary Davidson (@hilarydavidson) September 19, 2019

My dad just realized that the apartment his unmarried aunt has been living in for the past 20 years with her "best friend" Irene has one bedroom.

He's so confused.

"Does Irene sleep on the couch? She's 83! She shouldn't be sleeping on the couch!"

I'm......
— Naama 🌈 (@iknowplacesmp6) September 20, 2019

It sure was fun committing all those crimes with Tekashi 69, my loyal friend who would never betray me. Now to take a big sip of water and check the news
— pixelatedboat aka "mr tweets" (@pixelatedboat) September 19, 2019

"You're damn right I ordered the code red" https://t.co/9PcgfcQ28u
— Preet Bharara (@PreetBharara) September 20, 2019

Trudeau is a feminist who fires women who stand up to him, an environmentalist who bought a pipeline, and a non-racist who does blackface.
— Jordan Foisy (@JordanFoisy) September 19, 2019

September 20

BABY BOOMERS: Young people today wouldn't be able to handle the comedy of George Carlin! He was our guy!

GEORGE CARLIN: pic.twitter.com/P0B6ND8vvp
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) September 20, 2019

I wrote this thought down a few months ago and I'm finally ready to share it pic.twitter.com/lfuS3Nj9rv
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) September 20, 2019

Straight fire.
Pros are really good.💪⚾️🍺🔥 pic.twitter.com/hBI5MNilFI
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) September 21, 2019

Trust me, you do not want to do this. https://t.co/kNtqLrx5up
— Wilford Brimley (@RealWilfordB) September 20, 2019

The new Leonard Cohen stamp looks neat. pic.twitter.com/UIQfxfLOnt
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) September 20, 2019

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: September 20, 2019

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