Piss Jugman, the guy who filmed Russell Brand, Beetlejuice fans, the closest millennials and zoomers will get to owning land, and much more from this week in funny tweets.

September 15

bIDeN iS In dEcLiNe AnD ToO OlD tO bE PrEsIdEnT https://t.co/Sles8i4wZk
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) September 16, 2023

Celebrities, my house is available for $5000/hr if you want to look poor in your apology video. Please bookmark just in case. https://t.co/h0ENUrF0AZ
— Luke Barnett 👨🏻‍🍼 (@LukeBarnett) September 16, 2023

PR team helps celeb apologize pic.twitter.com/EdjBiaF3CB
— Lily Sullivan (@LilyYily) September 15, 2023

If I was putting out a video denying criminal behaviour, I would do as many takes as it took to make sure there didn't have to be an obvious edit before the word "consensual".
— Ed Morrish (@edmorrish) September 16, 2023

I don't know what Russell Brand is guilty of, but from his response I do know he is more guilty than any man in recorded history
— john (@0bungler) September 16, 2023

This is literally a coming of age movie 😭 pic.twitter.com/kRKBGmg9Lu
— Ex Beyonce Fan (@kingbealestreet) September 15, 2023

Not an athlete being like "y'all just be in the gym for no reason???"

It IS weird, Serena! It IS! 😂 https://t.co/CkRV965Nqu
— Genie Lauren (@MoreAndAgain) September 15, 2023

Here is security footage of Lauren Boebert at a family-friendly musical performance before she was kicked out.

These are the same Republicans claiming that drag queens are "sexualizing" public spaces. pic.twitter.com/6vUd6j8sSq
— No Lie with Brian Tyler Cohen (@NoLieWithBTC) September 16, 2023

I'm not slut shaming Lauren Boebert. You wanna be a hoe, live your best hoe life, booboo. Hoe life, foe life, ya know? But you can't be a "judgmental christian" and a respectable hoe. Pick a lane is all I'm sayin.
— jessica (@ItsMrsRabbitToU) September 16, 2023

It's fair to assume there's cameras everywhere now, but I've gotta admit: if you asked me to guess how good the night vision camera coverage of the audience at a Beetlejuice the musical show in Denver would be, I probably wouldn't have guessed this good
— Tom Gara (@tomgara) September 15, 2023

Just so I'm caught up: Lauren Boebert is 'pro-life' but vaped in a pregnant woman's face? And she wants to 'protect children' from drag queens but participated in sexual acts while at a family musical?

WHY is it always projection with these people?
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) September 16, 2023

Don't act like you've never been fingered at a regional production of Beetlejuice.
— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) September 16, 2023

I'm sorry but ripping clouds and playing grabass during beetlejuice is the coolest thing that awful lady has ever done
— Jason Isbell (@JasonIsbell) September 15, 2023

"Lauren Boebert was removed from a performance of Beetlejuice in Denver this week after she began to vape and engaged in sexual touching with her date. Political observers worry that Boebert is setting a dangerous example for young people by making musicals sound cool as hell." pic.twitter.com/39xFFIXwxC
— Mike Beauvais (@MikeBeauvais) September 16, 2023

September 16

Lauren Boebert has perhaps shown a desire to reach across the aisle here.
— Michael McKean (@MJMcKean) September 16, 2023

I have got to get serious about dating again because I don't like the idea that lauren boebert is getting more action than me.
— cinnamon bun (@notsofiacoppola) September 16, 2023

So hard to find a woman who vapes and is cool with you mashing her tits up at the Beetlejuice musical.
— Gareth Reynolds (@reynoldsgareth) September 16, 2023

Out of context this graphic looks like @chrislhayes is about to rock the nation pic.twitter.com/Iq4eOe8Qb7
— Mike Scollins (@mikescollins) September 16, 2023

The oracle, the seer https://t.co/CsxnLfDs3P
— Jesse Hawken (@jessehawken) September 16, 2023

Aged like sour milk. pic.twitter.com/jysRdEGJq6
— No Lie with Brian Tyler Cohen (@NoLieWithBTC) September 16, 2023

Send a case of champagne to the writers room for this twist. Extraordinary stuff. https://t.co/VEwyb4OUFn
— Franklin Leonard (@franklinleonard) September 16, 2023

Remember guys, Pee Wee Herman was arrested for what Lauren Boebert did
— Liam Nissan™ (@theliamnissan) September 16, 2023

Remember when you could just wake up and say "mom I threw up" and that one phrase would erase every single responsibility for the day. I need that in adult form.
— niccoya ⭐️ (@niccoyat) September 16, 2023

If you love true crime, you'll love this twisted fact about a famous psychopath. #sillystuff #nottooserious #eggs pic.twitter.com/cJNoGUehQv
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) September 16, 2023

i worked retail for over five years, and my proudest achievement was when I served a mystery shopper and scored 0/5 because when they asked me for my recommendation for a luxury watch, I apparently looked up from my phone and said "girl I can't even read the time, no idea"
— Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) September 17, 2023

She tried to catch him slipping 😂 https://t.co/uS5468hnl1
— Q (@Que_Hill) September 16, 2023

The guy who filmed that Russell Brand video pic.twitter.com/oSGXRLOtUe
— Will Sebag-Montefiore (@wsebag) September 16, 2023

Genuinely unreal moment for a splice https://t.co/Wv22SzUTQl pic.twitter.com/WxcGH2jlPg
— Liv (@Liv_Agar) September 17, 2023

daniel sloss being the only comedian to speak on the record against russell brand, rare actual ally pic.twitter.com/STMtypHzzD
— 🙋‍♀️ (@ohsnapthfc) September 16, 2023

this photo isn't aging well in 2023 pic.twitter.com/G83DBdfBcs
— T (@trinawatters) September 16, 2023

The age of consent is 16 because 16 year olds bang each other, not because it's ok to have a girlfriend in year 10 when you're 42, Clive
— Madelaine Hanson (@MadelaineLucieH) September 16, 2023

Imagine a man named Michael not just coming after you for being a scab, but reaching back into your bloodline, all the way to the reign of King George V, to prove your ancestors were also scabs. I'd cry, y'all wouldn't see me again https://t.co/ZS5gEPY4Vu
— nylah (@yumcoconutmilk) September 16, 2023

Robert, it's Marvin! Your cousin Marvin Oppenheimer
— grace (@GraceSpelman) September 16, 2023

my hamster used to live in one of these https://t.co/BJplpl56rh
— Beth McColl (@imbethmccoll) September 16, 2023

"Biden is too old," say the people whose presidential candidate clearly has advanced dementia. https://t.co/EdlXO8A2Zn
— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) September 16, 2023

My old gym teacher on Facebook: Proud to announce the birth of my new grand baby. We love you Bander!😃

Me six beers deep in the comments: Been playin dodgeball like a mothafucka lately Coach G✌️
— Thomas (@len0killer) September 16, 2023

September 17

objectively based on your personal opinion https://t.co/XypZFCjJf7
— trish (@ULTRAGLOSS) September 17, 2023

this kinda shit almost makes me proud to be an american. no other country could both build a weapons platform as advanced as the f-35 and then just lose the fucker and have to ask folks to let them know if it turns up, like a lost cat https://t.co/SnmqDXCPhS
— Robert Evans (The Only Robert Evans) (@IwriteOK) September 18, 2023

this is the exact kind of show jack donaghy was pitching when he was purposely trying to tank the entire network. they even have jenna as a host pic.twitter.com/U55qccemLq
— america's lounge singer (@KrangTNelson) September 17, 2023

It's almost as if Drew Barrymore listening to criticism and doing the right thing is having positive results. It's almost as if we should create a society that encourages people to listen and change. It's almost as if we should be a society that forgives. https://t.co/RGR9Q1HeSQ
— Luke Barnett 👨🏻‍🍼 (@LukeBarnett) September 17, 2023

Who did Bill Simmons buy off to end Winning Time with a Celtics title https://t.co/dm5CcnAgXA
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) September 18, 2023

Hey thank you for your prompt response. So it isn't really a question about my service, I was just curious if T-Mobile agrees with Elon Musk here about the Jews destroying the white race. And if not, why does T-Mobile continue advertising next to this? https://t.co/F1HuTw17c3 pic.twitter.com/K1UisAl6uR
— chris (@MrTooDamnChris) September 17, 2023

Retirees after voting to make things worse for their grandchildren pic.twitter.com/0ZJnnoKyxc
— sean (@_sn_n) September 17, 2023

This is a joke, right?

You pre-recorded an interview with multiple lies, then -- instead of not airing them or at least fact-checking in a real time -- ran that interview for millions on national TV, followed by a online fact check to be read by 1/100th of that? https://t.co/BcYRY3LyCM
— Will Bunch (@Will_Bunch) September 17, 2023

Kristen Welker is a disaster. Donald Trump is senile. Meet The Press needs to be taken off the air. NBC can go to hell.
— Palmer Report (@PalmerReport) September 17, 2023

ladies, if you are on a date with a man who "just loves to tease his restaurant servers," it is your sworn feminine duty to go to the bathroom and never return
— Clare Blackwood (@clareblackwood) September 18, 2023

idc if ur french canadian just dont do it in front of me
— cabby (@cabbycel) September 17, 2023

Bob Dylan's parents were the Costanzas https://t.co/irYM3CzwIG
— frank zeppo (noah) (@NoahPasternak) September 18, 2023

This dumb fucking Las Vegas LED sphere is the only thing that makes me feel patriotic.
pic.twitter.com/i3bsd7R2SH
— Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) September 18, 2023

pic.twitter.com/CWQJ0vLPaA
— no context memes (@weirddalle) September 17, 2023

September 18

I'm begging him to please do this
set me free https://t.co/UADrtZ0IGa
— Emily Heller (@MrEmilyHeller) September 18, 2023

I'm never leaving pic.twitter.com/9pQcUv7jEB
— Joy Beth (@JBsTwoCents) September 18, 2023

In Dark Knight Rises, the cops get trapped in the sewers for 5 months and seemingly just give up looking for other ways out. They choose to hang out and get, like, cans of beans lowered down to them. Good movie.
— vic mackey (@THEnotoriousJ0D) September 18, 2023

What does the first T stand for? https://t.co/nhXk9BAiXD
— AT (@primediscussion) September 18, 2023

That was a FIRST date? https://t.co/UKzoH2VXFv
— Kilmartin: Cincy, Austin, Ft Collins (@anylaurie16) September 18, 2023

Imagine cranking your hog in your Las Vegas hotel room and you look up and the video orb just staring at you like this pic.twitter.com/FU1mIobnhV
— Microplastics Explorer (@DiabolicalSpuds) September 18, 2023

Hard to compete with this. https://t.co/FALZQfgvAZ
— New York Times Pitchbot (@DougJBalloon) September 19, 2023

losing an F-35 because the pilot put it on autopilot before ejecting and then not being able to track it because it's too good of a stealth fighter is probably the funniest possible fuck-up in modern military history
— DaSkrubKing (@DaSkrubKing) September 18, 2023

BREAKING: F-35 stealth fighter jet found in Mar-a-Lago bathroom pic.twitter.com/RhBlTsHBcT
— Keith Nagy (@nagy_minaj) September 18, 2023

Babe I'm sure it's not that bad. Will you just tell me what happened?

F35 pilot home a little early: no
— Johnny Bigballs (@wyatt_privilege) September 19, 2023

Basically every plane is missing to me. I couldn't tell you where a single plane is
— Harrison Weinreb (@harriweinreb) September 18, 2023

i got the covid booster and a flu shot earlier today and the guy giving it to me was like "are you getting this for school or work?" and i panicked and said "for fun"
— evelyn gee frick (@evelyngfrick) September 18, 2023

block me if you want but I'm excited for it to get colder at night so I can truly be on my snug as a bug in a rug game
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) September 18, 2023

Bill tried writing his first joke and called it quits https://t.co/hzbsSlEnu6
— gianmarco (@GianmarcoSoresi) September 18, 2023

I think Maher had a test show w/o his writers.
— Kilmartin: Cincy, Austin, Ft Collins (@anylaurie16) September 18, 2023

WHEN DID HE START https://t.co/WS5or2eyHL pic.twitter.com/ZUT23BlB16
— Kenny Keil (@kennykeil) September 19, 2023

September 19

On my first show as a cast member on SNL - I was lucky to have guest Host Sigourney Weaver and Phil Hartman reacting hilariously to my lunacy.

#shechop pic.twitter.com/IMg6iUwwZg
— Dana Carvey (@danacarvey) September 20, 2023

algorithm is dialed the fuck in now https://t.co/iT1pXBIGoz pic.twitter.com/ChKshhhCGF
— █̶̳̘͛̄̃͒̄̃͜█̴͇̱̅͒̅█̵̻̣̝͒̈̄̈͝͝█̴̞̜̻̝͍̂̽͜█̷̢͔̭̝̼̾̍̚ (@SHL0MS) September 19, 2023

i love it when i can tell a friend is doing their content rounds. thank you for sending me a tweet and a tiktok during your shift at the post factory queen. see you again in 2-8 hours
— kelsey weekman (@kelsaywhat) September 19, 2023

THE COMMUNITY NOTE ??? pic.twitter.com/5n70LOctLB
— Hurt CoPain (@SaeedDiCaprio) September 19, 2023

i'm assuming this didn't go the way that the guy who produced Rush Limbaugh's show thought it would lol pic.twitter.com/u35kVYXnLW
— Matt Binder (@MattBinder) September 19, 2023

Every accusation is a confession. pic.twitter.com/QifRUQo2Yd
— Mehdi Hasan (@mehdirhasan) September 19, 2023

me: can you hold this paper on my fridge?

magnet: hell yeah easy

me: what about 2 papers

magnet: do i look like a fucking gorilla to you
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) September 19, 2023

https://t.co/cOvPc1aTmx pic.twitter.com/VtVKpvXvq7
— 7/11 Truther (@DaveMcNamee3000) September 19, 2023

I figure if I take up vaping and grabbing the hog during a live musical, they'll make me a folk hero. https://t.co/Tx6wTbWalJ
— Senator John Fetterman (@SenFettermanPA) September 19, 2023

thank you joe manchin for wearing a suit while you voted against the child tax credit https://t.co/1OzV8naSyx
— emilie frank (@emiliepfrank) September 19, 2023

Piss Jugman is here until 6pm today to teach truckers proper pee disposal. Jugman is "pissed" at all the jugs he's found laying in the parking lot. "Urine trouble" if you don't dispose properly.

Kids can get their picture taken with Piss Jugman for only $5 from 4-6pm today pic.twitter.com/T8Et7NcauU
— Celina 52 Truck Stop (@celinatruckstop) September 19, 2023

This is the greatest ad for public transit of all time. pic.twitter.com/ZJEoKcuRbh
— Hayden Clarkin (@the_transit_guy) September 19, 2023

not picture me thick as thieves with your ex wife https://t.co/wWBO7gTE5w
— tia witcher extraordinaire (@cursedhive) September 20, 2023

September 20

Florida lawmakers: https://t.co/GJgjfXvjzl
— Zach Raffio (@zachraffio) September 20, 2023

This is what actual grooming looks like. pic.twitter.com/m9SJf4gmxm
— CaptainCoby (@Captaincoby00) September 21, 2023

Good to see this finally confirmed. Yes, the whole anti-mask deal is as stupid as we suspected. pic.twitter.com/3Prp8zas4Z
— Schooley (@Rschooley) September 21, 2023

Senators ought to not be actively decomposing https://t.co/jiheF3rACe
— Ken Klippenstein (@kenklippenstein) September 20, 2023

If those jagoffs in the House stop trying to shut our government down, and fully support Ukraine, then I will save democracy by wearing a suit on the Senate floor next week.
— Senator John Fetterman (@SenFettermanPA) September 20, 2023

securing your desired username on a new app is the closest millennials and zoomers will get to owning land
— cinnamon bun (@notsofiacoppola) September 20, 2023

If you are 25+ do not buy olivia rodrigo tickets this is for us go see P!nk or kelly clarkson
— tyler (@tyler02020202) September 21, 2023

Guess who found a le crueset dutch oven for $5 and then asked for a new handle from customer service and was sent a brand new one https://t.co/G8N3K8oseb pic.twitter.com/YRTwZWXVPQ
— 1984's George Whorewell (@EwdatsGROSS) September 20, 2023

Buttigieg is like please repeat that dumbass statement four more times just so everyone has a chance to hear what a moron you are https://t.co/XZKbnNsTsK
— Brett Meiselas (@BMeiselas) September 20, 2023

Hi it's me, the negotiations grinch, reminding you that "very encouraging" and "incredible progress" are exactly what the studios would say if they want to get people's hopes up and make the WGA look unreasonable for not taking a bad deal. Thanks/sorry/please wait for real news! https://t.co/eDOCTdvy3Y
— Shawn Wines WGA Captain (@shawnwines) September 20, 2023

September 21

Struggling to figure out why we keep seeing unsubstantiated anti-union news coverage on CNN (owned by Warner Bros), MSNBC (owned by Universal), ABC News (owned by Disney), CBS News (owned by Paramount), and FOX News (owned by Hitler)
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) September 21, 2023

in high school movies when someone has no friends and they eat their lunch in a washroom stall it's like…sorry nobody likes you but you're disgusting for that
— sarah hagi (@KindaHagi) September 21, 2023

Any woman contemplating a career in comedy, you have been warned: pic.twitter.com/WVNabZsdVp
— Kilmartin: Cincy, Austin, Ft Collins (@anylaurie16) September 21, 2023

CNN's coverage at the time vs reality pic.twitter.com/fIIZ7SuwR2
— Eric Schultz (@EricSchultz) September 21, 2023

Once again thinking about the greatest Twitter exchange in the history of Canadian political journalism. pic.twitter.com/K9QGZdiitx
— Mike Beauvais (@MikeBeauvais) September 20, 2023

The airport in deep blue Newark, NJ might seem like a strange place to meet Trump supporters. But over the sound of a thirty-year-old woman explaining Taylor Swift to her sixty-year-old husband, you can hear whispers that Biden is the reason a burger and fries cost $78.
— New York Times Pitchbot (@DougJBalloon) September 21, 2023

David Brooks getting roasted by the restaurant he ate at lmaooooo pic.twitter.com/NOEw0zk8Tx
— Ham Elliot (@r0wdy_) September 21, 2023

Dude is being roasted in the proposed community note https://t.co/qK9zcg6tdP pic.twitter.com/Fds4GsU3XT
— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) September 21, 2023

Rent really don't make no sense like why is my apartment getting a raise every year who is doing the performance review
— Brittani Nichols *Double Strike Version* (@BisHilarious) September 21, 2023

Joe Jonas broke up with Taylor Swift in an infamous 27 second phone call. Sophie Turner found out Joe Jonas was divorcing her by reading it about online.

Maybe the problem is Joe Jonas.
— Meredith (@meralee727) September 21, 2023

joe jonas that specific kind of evil only men raised super christian are…….
— hole depot (@smellypastagirl) September 21, 2023

sophie turner staying quiet and classy throughout this whole thing and then going out for margs with taylor swift + dropping a lawsuit within 48 hours is the real queen's gambit
— Melina Glusac (@LeminaGluestick) September 21, 2023

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: September 22, 2023

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