Too much work to shoot a beaver, pondering Bruno Mars's retriever, people catch 21st day of September fever, the Doobie Brothers call Bill Murray a deceiver, and much more from this week in funny tweets.<br>
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<strong>September 18</strong>
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">... no, I mustn't. <a href="https://t.co/aqIhdj0lGF">https://t.co/aqIhdj0lGF</a></p>
— Jeremy Woodcock (@jwPencilAndPad) <a href="https://twitter.com/jwPencilAndPad/status/1307081998939443201?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 18, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">when is the last time someone bad died</p>
— ceeks (@70Ceeks) <a href="https://twitter.com/70Ceeks/status/1307114011016810497?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Imagine thinking Republicans can be shamed by... hypocrisy.</p>
— Naomi Klein (@NaomiAKlein) <a href="https://twitter.com/NaomiAKlein/status/1307154136635301889?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Jon Stewart accidentally convinced a whole generation of liberals that playing videos of Republicans contradicting themselves is enough</p>
— Gianmarco Soresi (@GianmarcoSoresi) <a href="https://twitter.com/GianmarcoSoresi/status/1307160697349042178?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Choose your fighter <a href="https://t.co/xIcXVPx834">pic.twitter.com/xIcXVPx834</a></p>
— Ken Klippenstein (@kenklippenstein) <a href="https://twitter.com/kenklippenstein/status/1307194918117478401?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>September 19</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">i was in a sex store today and this girl walked in, looked at me and went "hello, where are the strap ons?" like girl i don't work here but aisle 12</p>
— ABOLISH THE POLICE (@hairyfairie) <a href="https://twitter.com/hairyfairie/status/1307537087311130625?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 20, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Trying a horrible experiment...<br>
<br>
Which will the Twitter algorithm pick: Mitch McConnell or Barack Obama? <a href="https://t.co/bR1GRyCkia">pic.twitter.com/bR1GRyCkia</a></p>
— Tony "Abolish (Pol)ICE" Arcieri 🦀 (@bascule) <a href="https://twitter.com/bascule/status/1307440596668182528?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Chuck Grassley is third in the line of succession for the presidency <a href="https://t.co/EUt5gy2Z64">pic.twitter.com/EUt5gy2Z64</a></p>
— Tim Hogan (@timjhogan) <a href="https://twitter.com/timjhogan/status/1307468309076611073?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">I'm Joe Biden and I approve this message. <a href="https://t.co/TuRZXPE5xK">pic.twitter.com/TuRZXPE5xK</a></p>
— Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) <a href="https://twitter.com/JoeBiden/status/1307491919384260609?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 20, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">what does a&amp;w even stand for?? ... amburgers &amp; woot beer?</p>
— ??? (@elusive2001) <a href="https://twitter.com/elusive2001/status/1307406595652022278?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 19, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">SCARFACE: Say hello to my little friend!<br>
<br>
SCARFACE'S MACHINE GUN: Hello everyone I look forward to working with you</p>
— Chris Locke (@chrislockeworld) <a href="https://twitter.com/chrislockeworld/status/1307481217609142272?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 20, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>September 20</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/QNZ8xCsEKj">pic.twitter.com/QNZ8xCsEKj</a></p>
— sina rawayama (@sina_rawayama) <a href="https://twitter.com/sina_rawayama/status/1307506452786016257?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 20, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">absolutely losing my mind over this <a href="https://t.co/LM0vaPvnVM">pic.twitter.com/LM0vaPvnVM</a></p>
— communism is good (@weirdcities) <a href="https://twitter.com/weirdcities/status/1307811304401448963?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 20, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">The great David <a href="https://twitter.com/Letterman?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@Letterman</a> hitchhikes to the <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/Emmys?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#Emmys</a>! <a href="https://t.co/nkvp11TyvB">pic.twitter.com/nkvp11TyvB</a></p>
— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) <a href="https://twitter.com/jimmykimmel/status/1307860112883683329?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Do ACLs only exist so they can tear? You never hear about an ACL doing anything good. Bitchass ligament.</p>
— C.J. Toledano (@CJToledano) <a href="https://twitter.com/CJToledano/status/1307777309483495424?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 20, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>September 21</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="und" dir="ltr"><a href="https://t.co/oqsf6rtAU6">https://t.co/oqsf6rtAU6</a> • <a href="https://t.co/ztznLId5fl">https://t.co/ztznLId5fl</a> <a href="https://t.co/2J2iMWGVc2">pic.twitter.com/2J2iMWGVc2</a></p>
— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) <a href="https://twitter.com/electrolemon/status/1308078836995641344?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">it's time <a href="https://t.co/c6DqnpxZkL">pic.twitter.com/c6DqnpxZkL</a></p>
— paul rudd dancing to (@pauldancing) <a href="https://twitter.com/pauldancing/status/1308173337802297347?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">I hate what Pinterest did to google image search
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">&nbsp;</p>
— Kyle Chayka (@chaykak) <a href="https://twitter.com/chaykak/status/1308044120506675200?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 21, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>September 22</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">My grandma was telling me about a non cis friend of hers and couldn't remember their preferred terminology. So she called them gender mysterious.</p>
— Wendy 🍒 (@cherriesandgin) <a href="https://twitter.com/cherriesandgin/
status/1308567025208430593?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 23, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">white ppl, do NOT listen to him <a href="https://t.co/19O4gAnaCq">https://t.co/19O4gAnaCq</a></p>
— florida man (@arizonablueme) <a href="https://twitter.com/arizonablueme/status/1308540534869245952?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 22, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">pet rent is the stupidest concept i've ever heard of how do you expect my cat to pay $50 a month she is unemployed</p>
— kayla ♡ (@baz00per) <a href="https://twitter.com/baz00per/status/1308532222589370369?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 22, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="hi" dir="ltr">2endaya is meechee <a href="https://t.co/YCRTWMwDhJ">https://t.co/YCRTWMwDhJ</a></p>
— Gabriel Gundacker (@gabegundacker) <a href="https://twitter.com/gabegundacker/status/1308466139001794561?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 22, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>September 23</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">He stinks as a musician <a href="https://t.co/w8FXuyw6Sn">https://t.co/w8FXuyw6Sn</a><br>
— David Crosby (@thedavidcrosby) <a href="https://twitter.com/thedavidcrosby/status/1308897083567505408?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 23, 2020</a></p>
</blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Poll: I'd be perfectly fine with living in a dictatorship</p>
— Emo Philips (@EmoPhilips) <a href="https://twitter.com/EmoPhilips/status/1308993152368488448?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 24, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">In "Uptown Funk" Bruno Mars tells Julio, who we can assume is his driver, to get the "stretch" (slang for a limousine). In "That's What I Like," Mars asks Julio to "serve that scampi" indicating Julio is also Bruno's chef. Who is this renaissance man?</p>
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) <a href="https://twitter.com/DrakeGatsby/status/1308771624062156804?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 23, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<strong>September 24</strong>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Well, the Constitution had a good run.</p>
— Lawrence O'Donnell (@Lawrence) <a href="https://twitter.com/Lawrence/status/1309230682728787969?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 24, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">Bill Murray receives a legal demand from the Doobie Brothers. And it's everything you'd want it to be... <a href="https://t.co/R1L99yZSBj">pic.twitter.com/R1L99yZSBj</a></p>
— Eriq Gardner (@eriqgardner) <a href="https://twitter.com/eriqgardner/status/1309168116098834433?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 24, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">My worse nightmare... <a href="https://t.co/zxlLU1rYe7">pic.twitter.com/zxlLU1rYe7</a></p>
— The Slum Brothers (@SlumBros_2020) <a href="https://twitter.com/SlumBros_2020/status/1309253452111982593?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 24, 2020</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">um, okay? <a href="https://t.co/W4Gf9k5S9T">https://t.co/W4Gf9k5S9T</a></p>
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) <a href="https://twitter.com/AlisonLeiby/status/1309288553118085120?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 25, 2020</a></blockquote>
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Vish Khanna

This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: September 25, 2020

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