Behind the XXX

Oh, those white walls: pale, sickly white, with such oppressive brightness and such small, generic paintings. Oh, those couches: horrible things with garish patterns and rocky cushions. Oh, the sun: that damnable ball of flame that keeps blasting its mindless rays through these apartment and hotel room windows. Oh, how the cruel sunshine smothers the adult film stars as they log in another day of pumping and grunting, sticking this organ here and that organ there. These ghastly spaces, so drab, so interchangeable, lend a weary presence to Behind the XXX, an alleged "step behind the camera on some of the hottest adult movie sets in Hollywood" by pornographers Sean and Tyler Brookland. Not so much a documentary as a barely-edited, 80-minute dump of raw, behind-the-scenes footage, Behind the XXX chronicles the production of Palin Erection, Call of Booty, Tool Time Tina ("Cum hammer my tool shed!") and other Brookland Bros. productions in near-clinical detail. We see the performers waiting between takes, having flirty, directionless conversations with an off-screen interviewer ("How'd you like getting fucked in a French maid's outfit?"). We see the directors and stars debating the logistics of a mid-scene switch from doggy-style to missionary and how, exactly, the woman would have to position herself to make such a transition work on such a small couch. We hear a female performer interrupt her moans of passion to ask a camera operator for quick advice on line delivery. And this, my friends, is the dynamic stuff, for at least half of Behind the XXX's runtime is fly-on-the-wall footage of porn actresses simply posing for photo shoots, sans context, commentary or any basis whatsoever. But as one stares at these women in front of those pale white walls, holding their cement breasts, rubbing their dime-sized areola and spreading their shaven, waxed, smooth-as-a-baby's-bottom vaginas for minutes upon minutes, a strange sensation occurs. Time stretches infinitum. Space becomes subjective. Breasts, vaginas, pouty lips and seductively caressed lollipops lose all context and meaning. Some may tell you that Behind the XXX is a terrible, terrible documentary, but pay no heed to these fools. Not since Godard's Alphaville have commoditized sex and dystopian landscapes been combined so forcefully! The only DVD extra is a highlight reel of other Brookland Bros. productions. No, dear reader, the "Sexy Photos Gallery" promised on the case is not included.