Piranha

After receiving far too much constructive criticism from film critics for Mirrors, a film fairly below par from the once up-and-coming director (High Tension and The Hills Have Eyes), Alexandre Aja realized it was far more profitable to cater to fans trolling the web on horror film sites featuring naked women beside every article than appeasing critics. Those brave enough to catch this film in its original 3-D format were treated to 3-D piranha feeding frenzies, breasts, projectile vomit, Elisabeth Shue belly-flopping on an inner tube and a chewed-up, spit out penis, all of which induced cheers from intoxicated audiences worldwide. Unfortunately, without the 3-D effects that made the film's plot pardonable, Piranha fails to rouse the same drunken enthusiasm from its viewers, as the prehistoric, flesh-eating fish look as frightening as monsters in any straight-to-DVD creature feature starring Casper Van Dien on the small screen. Many horror fans will feel the need to defend Aja's cheap flick, since it takes aficionados back to a simpler time when it was perfectly acceptable for women to shut up, show their breasts and act like lesbians at all times. Thankfully, Aja's expert directing skills and KNB's grotesque make-up effects almost excuse the surface-level misogyny that's been increasingly creeping into Aja's films with brilliantly shot sequences of gory massacres and cringe-worthy set pieces. Piranha will surely make men cheer despite the lack of 3-D effects, while women will show the same unbridled excitement pointing out Carlos from Desperate Housewives and fast-forwarding past the exploitative lesbian mermaid nymph sequence. Piranha has blood and boobs, and according to actress Kelly Brooks, that's all one should expect from a movie like this. If all you need are blood, boobs and other elements from Scarface fan fiction, be my guest. Piranha's DVD features include an in-depth behind-the-scenes feature that will entertain horror geeks and a commentary with the director, but lacks the other features promised on the back cover of the DVD.