Welcome to Mooseport

Sometimes movies force you to question your value system: how will you justify your obscene actions to family and friends? It's guaranteed that you'll contemplate this question long after you leave the nightmare that is Mooseport. Hollywood has once again duped us into thinking that an all-star cast will be funny despite any kiss of death hesitations such casting inevitably conjures up. Admittedly, it seemed a sure hit — Gene Hackman/Ray Romano, what could go wrong? This is the sort of pseudo-sentimentality that enables the Hollywood machine to churn out endless drivel and still make a buck at the box office and beyond. Any small town USA would suffice but Mooseport, Maine, is the quaint and picturesque setting turned upside down when ex-president Monroe "Eagle" Crow (Hackman), fresh off his two-term tenure, rolls in with entourage — Marcia Gay Harden, Fred Savage, Rip Torn and other unmentionables. Coincidentally, soon after his arrival, the "Eagle" is incited by the town counsel to run for mayor. As chance would have it, town plumber Handy Harrison (Romano) — a ridiculously not-so-clever name — also finds his name on the ballot. What ensues is a supposed to be hilarious comedy with a side story pitting Romano and Hackman against each other in a ball of confusion to win the heart of local town-girl Sally (Maura Tierney), Romano's girlfriend. The special features on this DVD, with its deleted scenes and outtakes reel, while intended to give us a laugh or two, are as uninteresting as the performances in this film. Why is Hollywood still hung up on turning solid TV actors into film stars? There is simply nothing alluring about any one of the big shots in this movie. Even Romano, the straight-faced funny guy, is dull and boring. It's a shame Mooseport, the movie, is so atrociously horrible, as the town seems quite nice. Plus: Director Commentary. (Fox)