Gallo's Humour

As a director, Vincent Gallo went from brilliant (Buffalo '66) to blowhard (The Brown Bunny) in just two films, but the sometime musician and actor's greatest gifts are for self-promotion, as witnessed by the ridiculous offerings on vgmerchanise.com, the "official website for Vincent Gallo merchandise." There, one finds rare items like the "original punk rock fashion history" of a leather jacket he bought in London at age 16 ($3,000), autographed copies of magazines featuring him ($100) and for a cool million, his sperm. He'll "DIY" the process for an extra $500,000, but watch out for a $50,000 discount for proof of naturally blonde hair and blue eyes or "a direct family link to German soldiers of the mid-century." Yep, though he's a fan of African-Americans like Derek Jeter and Lenny Kravitz, "Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions." Fits right in with his childhood Richard Nixon campaign pin ($250) and authentic artwork by "unfairly imprisoned" Charles Manson gifted to him by fellow right-wingnut Johnny Ramone ($6,000).