Attention all really hardcore hardcore fans and Sabrina Carpenter concert attendees: you've heard of a pit viper, now get ready for a pit diaper.
Yes, we know that opening up this pit is where smells previously unbeknownst to science are unleashed, but it's generally socially frowned upon to unleash the contents of your bladder (or bowels, for that matter) there. This is a pressing issue for moshers everywhere, because everyone knows you can get stuck in there, especially when those arms start windmilling. Not only that, if you do manage to escape, you'll lose the spot you had to throw elbows to get — and risk missing a song you love.
Liquid Death, the aptly named company known for hawking metal-themed cans of drinking water, have joined forces with Kimberly-Clark's Depend brand of absorbent, disposable undergarments and bladder leakage products for something truly revolutionary: the first heavy metal diaper.
Made of "premium, cruelty-free quilted pleather, accented with chains and spikes to seamlessly blend into any outfit," the Pit Diaper — a real thing that is indeed for sale — is compatible with Depend Guards for Men, and comes with 52 of them to offer wearers trusted all-show protection. Don't believe me? Believe Converge drummer Ben Koller, who has bravely become the first musician to endorse the Pit Diaper.
"The show can't be stopped for a bathroom break," Koller said in a press release. "With the Pit Diaper, I can hydrate without missing a beat." And obviously, he'll be hydrating with Liquid Death water (still or sparkling) or iced tea to put on the most pummelling performance possible — and finally be able to stay dry while doing so!
While it doesn't seem to be available in Canada (yet?), the Pit Diaper is being sold in the US through the Liquid Death website for a cool $75 USD. Check out the infomercial launch video below to see it in action, and don't forget to recommend it to any Turnstile pit pooper friends.