After taking a hiatus from touring with BADBADNOTGOOD in 2017, keyboardist and band co-founder Matthew Tavares confirmed his departure from the Toronto outfit in 2019, sharing that the decision was not an easy one to make. Now, the artist has shared further feelings on his exit, and how the band and their team responded following the news.
In a statement shared via Instagram, Tavares recalls how his since-deleted 2019 announcement of his departure — in which he detailed how having "the band come before everything in my life" led him to become unhappy — was written to be "balanced and inoffensive and gave an honest perspective into how hard of a decision it was."
Having written in that 2019 announcement that he and the remaining members "are still on good terms," Tavares now claims that drummer Alexander Sowinski and BADBADNOTGOOD management "didn't agree" on the nature of his post, recalling how he was unfollowed by the band's Instagram account shortly after, but "not without them commenting an emoji heart on my post to make sure no-one caught on and it was all 'good vibes.'"
Tavares reiterates that he made the choice to leave BADBADNOTGOOD himself, and understands how "a lot of people are going to be rolling their eyes at this thinking this is driven by pettiness because I'm not in the band anymore." He calls the aforementioned social media activity "a small microcosm of what it was like to be in BADBAD the 9 years I was in the band."
As the group's co-founder, Tavares first takes issue with a band biography written for BADBADNOTGOOD's acclaimed 2021 album Talk Memory. The bio, included in press material and available to read via Bandcamp, chronicles how the band was "moving between three and four members" upon their 2010 formation "before establishing its current line up in 2015," with no mention of Tavares by name.
"Their lack of acknowledgement of me leaving has gotten to the point of insult," writes Tavares, who shared news of his 2019 departure ahead of any formal announcement from the band. "When I was about to leave I was told by management to play along to this narrative so they don't sacrifice their [XL Recordings] record deal, and I did, but the record is out now and I can tell that the story will not be set straight by them. I was not just simply some interchangeable member in the band, as their biography insinuates."
Upon leaving the group in 2019, Tavares illustrated the different ways in which he had "invested every waking hour into this project since I was 20 years old." Now, he takes a deeper dive into his contributions during the group's fledgling days.
He recalls his role in shooting and editing BBNG's first videos, funding their first studio with Frank Dukes "when the band had no money," recording and mixing all of the band's acclaimed 2016 LP IV, designing artwork and packaging for their releases, launching the website and associated server that brought their early recordings to the world, being the only member of the band licensed to drive before saxophonist Leland Whitty became a full-time member, and more.
"You can call it narcissistic or egotistical to point all this stuff out," Tavares writes, "but I cannot explain how frustrating it is to see the band perpetuate a narrative where I essentially did nothing. All because of their own insecurity. To be unfollowed by the Instagram you made is a funny feeling. I gave every waking breath of my life for 9 years and every ounce of my ability to this band, to help create what it was."
Tavares adds that when he made the decision to stop touring, "it was held over my head constantly by [Sowinski]. Always mentioning it to other people, while of course not mentioning the huge amount of money he made when I was no longer taking my full cut."
Tavares then tells a shocking story of how his former bandmate and band manager responded to his intervention in a sexual assault witnessed while in South Africa. Following "screams coming from down an alley" when driving home, Tavares ran ahead of the group after pulling over to see "a man literally holding a woman down the ground."
In what he considers "one of the single scariest moments of my life," the keyboardist "grabbed the guy and forced him down until the cops arrived." Tavares claims that despite the severity of the incident, "The next day [Sowinski] said that I should have 'beat him up more' in a monotone, despite standing 2 blocks away during the whole thing, and the manager said 'don't save any more lives.'"
"While of course I can feel resentment and jealousy about not being on some big label or having the exposure of the band anymore, I have my freedom and I have love and I am surrounding by people who I respect and who respect me. It's an incredible feeling," Tavares concludes. "Do not assume I'm writing this from some angry place. I feel really really grounded and happy, but I need to live honestly."
You can read Tavares' complete post below.
Since leaving BADBADNOTGOOD, Tavares has continued to release solo material alongside his work with other artists, including this year's Danica. Most recently, he delivered 88-song compilation Arkive, which brings together "music that was too crazy/weird/vulnerable to put on my previous releases," recorded between 2008 and 2021.
Today, BADBADNOTGOOD delivered new single "Break of Dawn" with Montreal upstart Skiifall. The band is currently touring Canada to round out 2021.
Talk Memory was recently listed among Exclaim!'s Best Albums of 2021.
In a statement shared via Instagram, Tavares recalls how his since-deleted 2019 announcement of his departure — in which he detailed how having "the band come before everything in my life" led him to become unhappy — was written to be "balanced and inoffensive and gave an honest perspective into how hard of a decision it was."
Having written in that 2019 announcement that he and the remaining members "are still on good terms," Tavares now claims that drummer Alexander Sowinski and BADBADNOTGOOD management "didn't agree" on the nature of his post, recalling how he was unfollowed by the band's Instagram account shortly after, but "not without them commenting an emoji heart on my post to make sure no-one caught on and it was all 'good vibes.'"
Tavares reiterates that he made the choice to leave BADBADNOTGOOD himself, and understands how "a lot of people are going to be rolling their eyes at this thinking this is driven by pettiness because I'm not in the band anymore." He calls the aforementioned social media activity "a small microcosm of what it was like to be in BADBAD the 9 years I was in the band."
As the group's co-founder, Tavares first takes issue with a band biography written for BADBADNOTGOOD's acclaimed 2021 album Talk Memory. The bio, included in press material and available to read via Bandcamp, chronicles how the band was "moving between three and four members" upon their 2010 formation "before establishing its current line up in 2015," with no mention of Tavares by name.
"Their lack of acknowledgement of me leaving has gotten to the point of insult," writes Tavares, who shared news of his 2019 departure ahead of any formal announcement from the band. "When I was about to leave I was told by management to play along to this narrative so they don't sacrifice their [XL Recordings] record deal, and I did, but the record is out now and I can tell that the story will not be set straight by them. I was not just simply some interchangeable member in the band, as their biography insinuates."
Upon leaving the group in 2019, Tavares illustrated the different ways in which he had "invested every waking hour into this project since I was 20 years old." Now, he takes a deeper dive into his contributions during the group's fledgling days.
He recalls his role in shooting and editing BBNG's first videos, funding their first studio with Frank Dukes "when the band had no money," recording and mixing all of the band's acclaimed 2016 LP IV, designing artwork and packaging for their releases, launching the website and associated server that brought their early recordings to the world, being the only member of the band licensed to drive before saxophonist Leland Whitty became a full-time member, and more.
"You can call it narcissistic or egotistical to point all this stuff out," Tavares writes, "but I cannot explain how frustrating it is to see the band perpetuate a narrative where I essentially did nothing. All because of their own insecurity. To be unfollowed by the Instagram you made is a funny feeling. I gave every waking breath of my life for 9 years and every ounce of my ability to this band, to help create what it was."
Tavares adds that when he made the decision to stop touring, "it was held over my head constantly by [Sowinski]. Always mentioning it to other people, while of course not mentioning the huge amount of money he made when I was no longer taking my full cut."
Tavares then tells a shocking story of how his former bandmate and band manager responded to his intervention in a sexual assault witnessed while in South Africa. Following "screams coming from down an alley" when driving home, Tavares ran ahead of the group after pulling over to see "a man literally holding a woman down the ground."
In what he considers "one of the single scariest moments of my life," the keyboardist "grabbed the guy and forced him down until the cops arrived." Tavares claims that despite the severity of the incident, "The next day [Sowinski] said that I should have 'beat him up more' in a monotone, despite standing 2 blocks away during the whole thing, and the manager said 'don't save any more lives.'"
"While of course I can feel resentment and jealousy about not being on some big label or having the exposure of the band anymore, I have my freedom and I have love and I am surrounding by people who I respect and who respect me. It's an incredible feeling," Tavares concludes. "Do not assume I'm writing this from some angry place. I feel really really grounded and happy, but I need to live honestly."
You can read Tavares' complete post below.
Since leaving BADBADNOTGOOD, Tavares has continued to release solo material alongside his work with other artists, including this year's Danica. Most recently, he delivered 88-song compilation Arkive, which brings together "music that was too crazy/weird/vulnerable to put on my previous releases," recorded between 2008 and 2021.
Today, BADBADNOTGOOD delivered new single "Break of Dawn" with Montreal upstart Skiifall. The band is currently touring Canada to round out 2021.
Talk Memory was recently listed among Exclaim!'s Best Albums of 2021.