Mötley Crüe

God bless Mötley Crüe. Just when we thought rock’n’roll had exhaled its dying breath, these saints return to save the day, reinventing everything with masterful riffs and brilliant lyrics such as, "I’d rather be dead/I’d rather be face down in the dirt with a bullet in my head/I wanna bang a million girls.” Phew, that was close. You know we were all pining for more of their introspective wisdom and avant-garde musical integrity, ’cause their last epic, 2000’s New Tattoo, was such a trailblazer. Who would have thought they’d have it in themselves to top even that. As expected, this 13-track collection of cock rock tripe regurgitates the same shit these clowns have been chewing on for the past two decades. Saints Of Cud is more like it. Giving credit though, the title track harkens back to the sleaze of Dr. Feelgood but as everyone knows, the Crüe are pretty much only capable of one solid rocker and one ballad per album at this point, the rest being the musical equivalent of paying a day’s wages for a chunk of puke wrapped in dog shit. Cunning as they are though, at least it gives them another reason to tour and suck even more clams out of pockets while they play the half-dozen tracks people really want to hear.